Being heckled at in the shop

[Applebun]

I was walking on a street in London today. I was really enjoying my walk in the sun. An old man shouted something at me. I had my earphones in so i didnt really hear what he was saying. I didnt want to talk to him anyway so i walked by. I went into a shop. He followed me in and said loudly "i just wanted to ask the time, and that woman completely ignored me. She is rude". He said it twice.

Then another man said something to me.

There were two black men in the shop (relevant because of what he said to me) . One of them said to the other man "say it to that woman!"

One of them turned to me and shouted "have you ever had chocolate without any sugar?".

I was a bit shaken and I said no. And they both laughed at me.

I walked out and walked on. I was enjoying my day before that. I just feel so bad now and i cant seem to shake the feeling off. i just want to be able to go for a walk without being shouted at by men

I’m sorry this happened to you OP and can see why you’re shaken up. Hopefully with a bit of time it’ll just become a strange anecdote. I really hope it doesn’t put you off exploring.

I’ve lived on and off in central london (and other cities) since uni and have had a few similar experiences in that time - I reconcile it with the fact it’s a tiny proportion of interactions (but it absolutely does still rattle). I also realise that the behaviours I’ve learned (no wearing headphones when walking, crossing the street, having auto-responses when approached by randoms, etc) are so engrained they’re second nature - I’m not sure it’s a good way to be but it’s the way I am now.

I hope the rest of the afternoon brings you cake / wine / whatever floats your boat

You're lucky if you've never experienced being followed and pestered for your phone number /a date/ sex by strange men. It used to happen to me every few weeks when I lived in a rough area for a few years in my 20s.

Absolutely this. And no, I wouldn't take my earphones off just because some random dude is speaking to me in the street. He's not owed a response.

No you don’t ‘have’ to talk to anyone but I do find it rude. I’ve had negative interactions with men in my life too and keep my wits about me but I’m not so guarded that I won’t let someone ask me a question. Have you never asked a stranger for the time or for directions?

I think it’s very sad that you wouldn’t give anyone on the street the time of day. Not everyone is out to get you. Don’t let stupid men make you shut yourself off from the world around you, that’s giving them way too much power.

I don’t understand the sugar part either….. but I’d be upset to be shouted at in the street

No I have never, ever asked a stranger on the street for time or directions.

Its funny how its never women who ask me this.

Only men have ever asked me for the time or for directions on he street

If you don't realise that they do it as a way to chat up women, you are extremely naive.

And i have realised this from experience!

I was in italy once. A man stopped me and asked for directions. I did give him directions to the place that time which was on the street that we were on. He chatted to me a bit more. I chatted to him a bit more. He then let slip that he actually lived on that street. I said "so you don't need directions then?" he said "no. I used it as an excuse to talk to you."

I never give directions anymore. Im not a walking fucking guidebook for strangers.

You have said what you think i have done wrong.

What do you think about the man who asked me for time, walking after me, following me into a shop and shouting at me in the shop about ignoring him.

Do you think he was wrong in any way?.

Looking back now, i feel that i should have called the police on him for harassing me

Sorry this happened to you OP.

At thirteen I got off the tube with my mother and a man jumped in front of me and sang "I wanna fuck your hips" which was frightening and embarrassing. That was the day I learned that London was different.

I was probably 17 before I was harassed on the street wherever I went. I used to model, so conventionally attractive, therefore must be told this by random men, who then get fucking nasty when you aren't bowled over by their gawps and shouting.

London is far worse than anywhere else I've experienced, namely because there are more people there. Arseholes are nationwide. But in the nice little village I live in now, anyone I pass by foot must live within a minute of my house and if they suggested they wanted to "fuck my hips" my DH would be round asking for a word. Hence it's never happened.

That's the difference. They'll abuse a stranger they know can't do anything about it. Wouldn't fucking dare if they had to be accountable for that to a man. I'll get beeped at/hollered at by morons driving past if I'm in the front garden alone. Men are cunts.

Only place this has never, ever happened to me, when walking alone, is Geneva.

Thanks for sharing. It can be hard to be a woman alright.

Its awful that we often feel like we can't even walk alone

You’re really not telling me anything I don’t already know. (Though as an aside I’m a woman and have asked for directions or the time many times. I hope these people didn’t think I was coming on to them).
Of course I’ve seen men use this tactic before, but it’s water off a ducks back. It seems like these men are living in your head rent free. I’m not going to let a few skeezy men stop me from being me.

I’m not a rude person, I’m friendly, approachable and know that there are a lot of decent people in the world (along with the twats) and I’m not going to stop being helpful or friendly to people or make my world smaller. Fuck that.

You didn't answer my question so I will ask it again.

What do you think of the man that asked me the time, following me up a street, following me into a shop, and shouting at me in the shop?

Everyone has the time on their phone. There’s no need to ask a random person what the time is anymore. I wouldn’t answer either. There were men he could have asked if he’d really needed to know that badly!

Obviously he was wrong. I said that in my first post.
The two things can be true - you were rude and he was wrong.

Ive never asked anyone for directions on the street as I always use google maps.

I was just thinking of worst case scenario. If my mobile phone died and i absolutely had to ask someone for directions, I would go into a shop/ restaurant and ask for directions there. That person would feel safe as there are other people around.

There is no way that i would go up to a woman walking alone on the street and ask her for directions. I would know that it might scare her, having a stranger approach her on the street.

An old man might not have had a phone. My grandad doesn’t use one.
Are we seriously saying a man can’t ask a woman for the time? Genuinely ask for the time?

No I wasn't rude.

Refusing to answer people can be the safest thing to do. I take care of my safety.

Ted bundy (the serial killer) used to approach women on the street and ask them for help.

He then got them to his car and hit them over the head with something. This then led to their deaths.

Yes we are saying that. Why doesnt he go into a shop and ask the man in there for the time.

As i said, no woman has ever asked me for time. Only men have asked me. It is ploy

This is so bizarre and you were extremely unlucky. I always have my headphones on and I am in London, I always ignore people anyway - it's the beauty of London! It's irrelevant if it's a valid question or not.

But avoiding some nutcase and ending up facing 2 rude and random guys in a shop, it's genuinely unlucky.

What part of London were you in? I am bloody lucky I've never had any encounter like that in town ever.

😂

Well , yes, it's not untrue, but no need to over-react either 😂
Most of us ignore people because w can't be arsed and we are busy listening to our own things.

If a serial killer is after you, he won't wait politely for you to give him directions before striking 😂😂

I dont think its "unlucky" really, seeing as a poster above wrote that she got shouted at by men, every time she walked down a street by herself

Also remember when they made a video about how much women got sexually harassed on the streets in new york.

A camera followed one woman walking through new york. She got shouted at and harrassed by about twenty men

@Strawberrryfields No, the OP was not rude, she was being cautious. She didn’t owe him a response. (I personally do respond, but I am wary of being approached by strange men because of past trauma.)

Why are you so intent on making her feel bad? The man’s reaction was completely out of order, and bullying.

Ted bundy did wait for the women to help him, before he struck them actually.

You’re clearly very set in your opinion but I think you’re being ridiculous. Not all women are scared at the prospect of a minor interaction with an elderly man.

For me asking someone for directions on the street is a completely normal thing to do.

Right. When a man walks a long way after you on the street, follows you into a shop

and shouts at you in the shop,

I will tell you that it is your fault for not being polite enough.

Some women like you always blame other women

Not sure about that. Many small towns and rural areas have high levels of social deprivation, poverty etc. I find e.g. Margate more seedy than London.