Being heckled at in the shop

[Applebun]

I was walking on a street in London today. I was really enjoying my walk in the sun. An old man shouted something at me. I had my earphones in so i didnt really hear what he was saying. I didnt want to talk to him anyway so i walked by. I went into a shop. He followed me in and said loudly "i just wanted to ask the time, and that woman completely ignored me. She is rude". He said it twice.

Then another man said something to me.

There were two black men in the shop (relevant because of what he said to me) . One of them said to the other man "say it to that woman!"

One of them turned to me and shouted "have you ever had chocolate without any sugar?".

I was a bit shaken and I said no. And they both laughed at me.

I walked out and walked on. I was enjoying my day before that. I just feel so bad now and i cant seem to shake the feeling off. i just want to be able to go for a walk without being shouted at by men

Lived in London for two decades and I’m amazed at the amount of people saying this is a rare thing, in my experience it’s not. My friends and myself have been harassed, some have told such men to fuck off and then been called “an ugly bitch” for daring to answer back. I’ve been followed numerous times by weird men shouting at me for ignoring their attempts to chat me up. Truly grim. And this has happened in north London, south London, east London, west London.

I think that some of the worse, most dangerous men Ive ever met have been old men.

They often use a "oh im so doddery and helpless" way to lure you in. And if you refuse society often says "why didnt you help that poor old man" so they grt away with a lot.

Being old doesnt mean we should help all old men

There are some nice old men. There are ome evil old men.

I remembee the thread on here a while ago that a woman wrote. She wrote that an old man moved on next door, and she told her teenage daughter to be nice to him and help him. He then came over and told the op that he wanted to fuck her in the car. And he was watching her daughter in the garden

I find London safer and less weirdos there than the seaside town I grew up in on the south coast. I think I’ve only had a couple of inappropriate comments in the 11 years I’ve lived in London.

Saying that I agree a lot of the angry weirdos tend to be middle aged or older white men

Slightly obtuse.

No it's not impossible for a woman to exist in London. In your experience "most of us" never have to deal with this? Sorry but I can assure you every single one of my friends will disagree. Granted this will happen to some women a lot more than others. Men are fickle. I became virtually immune to their constant bollocks each time I was pregnant. And very few comments when pushing a buggy. If the kids weren't with me? Different story. Was amusing to pull up in a car park space, workmen hollering at the visible top 2 feet of me from across the road. Instantly shutting up when the blomping pregnant lower half emerged from the car and I waddled away.

Of course I could exist anywhere but let me tell you it's far nicer not to avoid roads because you could see a couple of guys hanging about and you knew they'd just have to comment at you. I had to choose different clothes when I went to London. Not that I live in neon catsuits and flashing headbands that might generate more looks, but learned to wear my baggiest things to London. Makes a difference.

Same way that now I won't carry a ££££ designer bag, nor my nicest watch there. Whereas I can in my nearest town, and go about my day, relaxed. My friend posted her bashed up head from being shoved into a wall as a fly by moped attacker mugged her for her watch about 6mths ago. That simply wouldn't happen where I live now.

I love London on paper. Couldn't fucking pay me to raise my daughter there though. If I had just boys? Maybe.

I’m sorry this is an enormous leap. Is that what you felt was going to happen when that man tried to speak to you earlier? Or could you just not be arsed chatting, wanted to listen to your music and get on with your day?

This.

The posts saying it’s not widespread and most women are able to go about their life just aren’t true quite frankly. Many women are subjected to vile behaviour from men.

A few months back I walked out of my office at work to go into town to buy lunch - a man turned around and started muttering under his breath - next thing I stop to cross the road and he shouts “bitch” really loudly in my ear right up close to me, and then walked on continuing to mutter and gesture. Fucking weirdo. I felt terrified - I wanted to give him a mouthful back but was too scared, you never know what they’re going to do next. Plus I’m not sure you can argue with someone who clearly has mental health problems. The following week I walked out of my office again for the same thing, to find a different man shouting expletives and derogatory comments about women while waving his arms wildly around walking ahead of me. He didn’t shout anything directly at me but because of my experience the week before I stayed well behind because I didn’t want him to turn on me if he noticed me. There are some right fucking nutters around. It’s awful.

An emormous leap? We werent talking about what happened to me. We were talking about old men in general. Are you following the thread.

I don't talk to any stranger that approaches me on the street. I dont care how rude you think i am being. I never will talk to them.

Interestingly i was in spain two weeks ago. An older man came up to me on the street and asked me for the time there. I said no as i had seen him look at his powered- on mobile phone a minute ago.

No.1 i dont talk to people on the street for my own safety.

No.2. I am not telling every man that asks me - the time, because it is extremely boring for me. I am not a speaking clock.

Christ let it drop Strawberry. People have different experiences of the world than just what you've experienced. And yes obviously the OP did just want to go about her day peacefully. The fact the old guy followed her and made a scene publically, is because he wanted the attention. If it was about wanting to know the time he would have asked the next stranger who came along quietly and not escalated the situation.

Sorry this happened to you OP. In my experience I've also been street harassed in cities or rough towns. In my lovely village now there's only ever polite hellos. Don't even get tooted at anymore. It's quite refreshing!

You wouldn’t be scared if a man followed you in to a shop and started shouted at you and making lewd comments ? Are you a man ?

What on earth has this to do with having different experiences of the world? I gave a balanced view on what happened. I think OP behaved like an arse. That doesn’t excuse the man’s behaviour. But I’m not just going to say no OP you weren’t being an arse. More than one thing can be true, life is many shades of grey. I do also think her fear of the world is sad. Not wholly unwarranted but sad. ‘I don’t talk to anyone because some men are dicks’ is a sad way to live your life imo.

How strange that you think Im an arse for walking away from a man on the street.

Then you wrote that you say no and you walk away from charity people on the street that you don't want to talk to.

You are a total hypocrite

Ok your default mode is clearly to be rude. I am following the full thread, I probably wrote 50% of it.

I was trying to stay on the specific incident that happened but you keep spiralling off about men in general and not actually focusing on what I’m saying. You seem to have a very low opinion of men but are centring them so much in how you live your life. Free yourself.

I think you’re an arse for ignoring people and for your general attitude on this thread.

Saying ‘no thank you’ and walking away isn’t ignoring someone?

First, why would you ask a stranger for the time, when majority people own a phone? Second, everyone get Google Maps for free. I would try to locate a staff member if I was asking for directions e.g. security or shop staff.

You said that you are helpful and friendly to people on the street and that we should all be helpful and friendly to people on the street.

How is you saying "no thank you" to a man that you dont want to talk to, and walking away, - being helpful and friendly to him?

If you were friendly to every stranger as you say, you would stop and listen to what he wants to say about the charity.

You did not want to talk to him, so you did not stop and you walked away.

I did not want to talk to the man that approached me on the street today so i walked away.
Its the same thing. You are a hypocrite.

Thats what i said! Ive never asked for directions, but in a worse case scenario, if i absolutely had to ask someone for directions, I would go into a shop and ask the staff. As people are around and i wouldnt scare them.

There is no way i would go up to a girl walking alone , and ask her for directions

Surrey police would disagree with you.
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cz0y8r141pxo

You’re really clutching at straws now. Being friendly doesn’t mean stopping and having a 20 minute conversation with everyone you meet. I’m not bffs with the charity people but I acknowledge them. I don’t just walk past them dismissively.

You know youre allowed to walk past strangers dismissively yes.

You have it completely the wrong way around.

Under law, people are not allowed to harass other people.

Under law, you ARE allowed to ignore strangers.

See the link that a poster posted above you. Police are cracking down on men harassing women runners.

The women are not in trouble for ignoring the men.
The men are in trouble for harassing women.

Are you a man?

God forbid someone needs help and their phone dies or maybe they’re an older person and they don’t have one. Maybe it’s more common in cities that people ask for directions? I just don’t think this is that weird. I have been in a shop before to ask for directions but also asked a person.

@Strawberrryfields i can tell that you're the sort of person who would argue the sky is lime green just in an attempt to get the last word. OP needs to stop engaging with your thread derailing bs.
I hope the next stranger you have a misunderstanding with follows you around shouting loudly, see how you like it.

This is absolutely bonkers. We’re having a two-way conversation, why are we not both as bad as each other? Because in your opinion you don’t think I’m being supportive to another woman? When you’ve just wished for someone to shout and follow me?

How is it my fault if an older person needs help? Boomers especially have made the world harder for younger people whilst they retire on their gold plated pensions, but that isn't the point of this thread. I live in a city. I have an iPhone with time and map functionality, I use my headphones and it directs me where to go. If that fails, I will ask a member of staff or security guard. Not random strangers on the road unless I was ABSOLUTELY desperate for the toilet or needed to change pad something like that but not for directions.