Being heckled at in the shop

[Applebun]

I was walking on a street in London today. I was really enjoying my walk in the sun. An old man shouted something at me. I had my earphones in so i didnt really hear what he was saying. I didnt want to talk to him anyway so i walked by. I went into a shop. He followed me in and said loudly "i just wanted to ask the time, and that woman completely ignored me. She is rude". He said it twice.

Then another man said something to me.

There were two black men in the shop (relevant because of what he said to me) . One of them said to the other man "say it to that woman!"

One of them turned to me and shouted "have you ever had chocolate without any sugar?".

I was a bit shaken and I said no. And they both laughed at me.

I walked out and walked on. I was enjoying my day before that. I just feel so bad now and i cant seem to shake the feeling off. i just want to be able to go for a walk without being shouted at by men

I am not a walking map for people. I got things to do myself. The entitlement of some people!

every single one of your friends might disagree

but every single one of mine agrees with me.

So what? We live in London, we work, shop. We wear mini-skirts, we run ALONE. I spent most of my summer wearing shorts and a nice top. I run with running shorts and a sport bras because it's hot.

I am not hiding but London is as safe as anywhere. I don't get bothered by twats. The only people I struggle with are bloody tourists who are slow, blocking the way and don't know how to use the tube 😂

That simply wouldn't happen where I live now.
You can't be mugged where you live? You might want to check with the police, f course you can be mugged anywhere.

A question for you, Strawberrryfields. Suppose, because you had headphones in and were listening to something, you failed to notice someone asking you for the time and did not reply. Would that make you rude, as you assert the OP was?

That is in effect what you said when you called the OP "rude": how dare she not pay proper attention someone who was absolutely nothing to do with her! By extension, that means you think that anyone who fails to notice anyone else, whether they know that other person or not, is being rude. I think that's a fairly imbecilic stance to take.

Another thing with an old man happened to me yesterday aswell. It wasnt the worst thing that happened to me with men in two days so i havent posted about it yet, but its sad that we go through so much.

I went to the coldplay concert in wembley alone yesterday. I often go to things alone. I went to the oasis concert last month by myself and it was great. Nobody sitting either side of me, talked to me. I had a great time

I went to the Coldplay concert alone last night in Wembley. My seat was at the end of the row. There was an older man maybe 60s sitting next to me. He had his two daughters next to him and what seemed to be his wife was sitting the other side of the two girls. So his wife was two seats away from him.

He starts looking at me in a creepy way.

Then chris martin invited three fans up on stage. Chris asked them where they were from. The man next to me, turns to me and said "where are they from". I did answer him the first time. I said "germany". Then he asked me another question about them. I answered his second question. I then got up to dance to a song and he turned and stared at me for the whole song. I felt like "fotrfuck sake I've waited a whole year for this concert now i feel like i cant even dance comfortably".

I sat down. The man next to me asked me some other question and i mumbled "i dont know". He kept staring at me

Then coldplay started singing "we pray" where they have foreign singers on with them. The man next to me turned to me and said "what language was that". He was asking me so many fucking questions! Even at my age i get a bit nervous about standing up to men but i did not want to talk to him. After he asked me this last question , I turned to him and i said "Im sorry I dont want to talk ". He looked absolutely raging. I got up to dance and he stared at me.

After that i actually moved and went down and stood at a different railing. I felt like he ruined my concert a bit.

The disconnect is: in his mind im sure he thought it was totally fine to talk to the woman next to him. When i didnt want to talk to him at all and i found him to be really annoying.

And more anonymous. Big cities have this effect on people - it’s dehumanising. They know they’ll never see you again so they feel they can do and say anything.

I'm so sorry this happened OP. It would be nothing to do with you personally. Just these awful, bullying men.

I agree. This is fact. As is the case in most cities / large towns I would say - they are a different culture / attract different and more types of people than small sea or country side towns / villages do. Which is not to say there is no danger in those places - but cities are worse.

I’m sorry OP - their behaviour is about them, not you, and they all sound like misogynistic, entitled twats. Ignore and don’t think on it anymore - not worth your time!

What an imbecilic suggestion. Failing to notice someone is completely different to intentionally ignoring someone as the OP did.

“An old man shouted something at me. I had my earphones in so i didnt really hear what he was saying. I didnt want to talk to him anyway so i walked by. I went into a shop.”

I didnt want to talk to him and i am allowed to ignore him

Again. Under law, I am allowed to ignore someone.
People are allowed to ignore anyone they want to ignore on the street

Under law, he is NOT allowed to harass someone.

You are an adult you should know that.

I suspect you are a man.

Theres loads of videos online where men go up and talk to women in public places. The women post the videos and complain about it. They say that they cant even go to the park in peace.

Men then go on the videos and write things like "so men cant even approach women anymore?"

You sound exactly like them

Honestly, people are just arseholes sometimes. I am deaf and if someone stops me in the street I won't hear what they say the first time. When I say 'sorry, I'm deaf, could you repeat that' they invariably say 'Oh it doesn't matter.' Like it's worth their while to interrupt MY day to ask me for something trivial but they can't be bothered to repeat themselves for me.

I knew that was coming.

Ah. So in your world, Strawberrryfields, a man speaking to a woman he doesn't know in the street obliges that woman to stop what she is doing, come to a halt, and pay attention to him rather than to her own business.

Does this requirement to prioritise utterly unimportant others or else be considered rude apply to all importunate nuisances, or only to male ones? His need to ask her, specifically her, rather than for instance a male person or a shop-keeper or his own watch or phone, what time it is, over-rides everything she might feel or be doing?

Get away with you, you're absurd.

My friend was just walking a long a street in london in the day time, and a man came up and punched her in the face

I'm really sorry if that did happen, that's awful
Although with all these incidents it's making me think of Mrs Doyle out with her friend on the mainland.

"My friend was robbed last week."

"Oh, no! Did they get much?"

"No, Father. You misunderstand."

"She was robbed. They stole her."

Sorry, love Father Ted but this thread does seem rather scaremongering of which there's been a lot of on MN lately.

"

I suspect you are a man

Oh FGS, this "you must be a man if you don't agree with me" on these types of threads is so predictable and boring.

Of course it happened. There are loads of violent incidents in the UK every week.

Look up a few statistics

😂🙄

First, elderly man asks for directions and gets frustrated when you blank him, then 2 men make a crude and immature joke, and now a man asks if the fans on stage are German.

You’re having a really bad couple of days in THAT London OP! Hope you make it back to your idyllic village safely.

Meanwhile…’According the Crime Survey for England and Wales, someone is actually less likely to be a victim of crime in London than they are across the country as a whole. In the capital, 14.9% of people experienced a crime either to their person or their household in the year ending September 2023, compared with 15.7% nationally’

https://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2024/feb/26/fact-check-has-sadiq-khan-really-overseen-a-surge-in-london

I have noticed this over many years. Some people (of whom I am one) seem to carry a "mess me about and you lose the use of your elbows" field and don't get harassed by random nitwits; others don't, and are.

One of my friends remarked this in a surprised way, many years ago. She had no trouble when out shopping with me; when out with another friend, they were constantly pestered.

(Three attempted rapes in thirty years, yes, but I caused the perps a lot more pain than they caused me.)

I do not understand how anyone is defending the old man.

I am someone who will talk to strangers on the street.

I also have manners, so I recognise I'm imposing slightly. I catch their eye, smile, and say sthg like "excuse me but..." or "sorry to bother you but...".

I do not approach people walking purposefully with headphones in. I do not raise my voice. This is basic, basic etiquette.

The second you shout or call out to someone in public, you've forfeited the right to politeness and marked yourself as a rude weirdo. As it turned out the man was....

Disgusting post.

It's not half a dozen. Can you count?

Half of a dozen is six.

THREE incidents happened to me.

That's not half a dozen.

yes they all happened. Its reality.

its not strange how more incidents happen to some women then to other Women

Men harass certain types of women more than other women. If my very beautiful 18 year old niece out on the street by herself, she gets harassed everywhere she goes .

If my 70 year old mother goes out she doesnt get harassed anywhere.

If i dont wear make up and i wear baggy clothes, i dont get harassed as much.

If i wear make up and i wear nice clothes, which i did for the coldplay concert in london yesterday and the next day as it was my nice weekend out, i get harassed more.

Which is sad as it makes me feel like i can never wear anything nice or wear nice makeup

Yes all of those incidents happened to me in London this weekend.

Absolutely!

I'm not. That other poster isn't me. Stop being ridiculous.