Husband has got extreme views

[UnsureDifferences]

Name change on this to protect myself and family.
So my DH has over the past few years got more and more what I would call extreme views. He is into conspiracy theories, it started off by watching a few videos and being curious and now he full thinks that the illuminati are out to enslave us and talks about the earth being flat, which he is not sure about but goes on about it.
He is also fearful of immigration and is saying he will go on the marches and that we are being take over and that we need to be prepared.
I am an easy going educated person who leans slightly left and believes in science.
This is really getting me down as I am not sure I can be with him anymore if this is who he is now.
Aibu to leave him for having these different views. Or is it managable to continue on.
One part of me thinks it is similar to two people of different faiths being married, is this possible? Has anyone had a good relationship with someone with opposite political or religious views to them?
Any ideas as to what to do here.
Everything else is fine in our relationship

Do you challenge him on them and, if so, how does he react?

You can't force anyone to change their views, but there comes a point when you just can't put up with them anymore.

I don’t think it’s a case of a simple difference of views - it’s a case of one half of a partnership having lost touch with reality.

Yes, but he gets very frustrated and tells me he can respect that I have an opinion but I am wrong and he is right. He will not change what he thinks whatever I say. So we cant debate the topics as he feels that I am 'brainwashed' and I think he is ridiculous.

In this case - like flat earth or the basic six repeatable conspiracies all the easily swayed seem to believe - for me it’s the sheer stupidity and lack of other positive things in their lives that would impact me.

People who are thriving don’t get sucked down these idiotic rabbit holes.

So I guess the question is - do you respect him? If not it’ll be hard to sustain the relationship without change on his part.

He needs to be prepared for what?

I couldn't stay married to someone who believes the earth is flat, never mind the rest of it.

This.

I could cope with someone holding different but not absurd views (e.g. the earth being flat). I think it's healthy to have differences and be willing to debate them.

But if they get too ludicrous - Bill Gates is trying to enslave us through vaccinations etc, I couldn't continue the relationship because all respect would be gone.

Do you think he has mental issues ? Could he be ill? Is he religious?

But do you think it is any more ridiculous than believing in say, many of the religous stories? I am not religious and it seems equally fantastical to me.
But then I am starting to get really irritated by his preaching of his new revelations.
Equally, I wouldnt have a relationship with a religious fanatic so maybe I am answering my own question here 😣

Do you have children, if so is he trying to influence them? That would worry me.

Possibly, it all started after he had a major health incident and a death of a close family member in the same year.

Yes we have DC and no he doesnt talk about it in front of them.

Couldn't be doing with that, I'd get rid.

But some religions have absurd, anti science views. In fact most of them do in some ways. People live quite happily with people that hold absurd views, it's not necessary a deal breaker.

This is what I cant seem to reconcile in my head. If he was saying he believed say the bible creation story, why is that acceptable to me, as a non religious person that he believes that, but not that he beleives some other story that is say about the moon landing. I actually dont give a flying fuck if thw moon landing was real or not, but he seems to be obsessed with it not being real.as one less extreme example of somethjng he believes.

I could respect religious views that made someone more caring and tolerant.

Not if they became more narrow minded and intolerant.

It sounds as if your DH is the latter. I couldn't live with that, personally.

I don’t think this is about his beliefs, it’s about what those beliefs cause you to think about his general intelligence. This is why you would be happy to live with someone who was religious, even though you didn’t share any of his beliefs, because you understand that perfectly intelligent people can grow up holding religious beliefs. You understand the mechanism by which this happens.

In contrast, you may well hold the opinion that the only people who believe in conspiracy theories (or at least, the only people who believe in multiple conspiracy theories) are all lacking in critical thinking. To put it nicely. And you’d probably be right.

Meadowfinch completely agree about religion its the cause of most wars the stories are like fairy tales. It was and is used to control the masses but more recently the newer religions are a front for making mostly usa people rich I was brought up jehovah witness end of world 1975 then new light 2000 now new light no fixed time. The founder used it to make money then next in charge was alcoholic in the days of prohibition had two rolls Royce when alcapon only had one and built amazing house for Abraham and issac which he lived in its huge organisation with the top people hidden and using followers to fund their life styles. My parents still believe in it I showed them the evidence they won't believe it its a brainwashing cult although maybe scientologist are more delusional

One of the issues that led to my previous relationship breakdown were our opposing views on Brexit, it wasn't that we just had differing opinions he seemed to just parrot things he'd heard without question and it showed him to be a small minded person and made me question other opinions he held.

I don't think I could cope with someone sharing the same beliefs as your DH but if it's out of character I would wonder if it was a mental break. Another thing to consider is the kids and how old they are, you leaving him could cause him to spiral further into these thoughts and expose the children with you not there to counter things.

Sorry OP this seems a very tricky situation to be in.

When people get into this stuff it really seems, as a pp said, that it’s a refusal to engage with reality. It’s different from just disagreeing over political opinions. I’d feel worn down by this, and couldn’t in the end have a relationship with someone who seemed to have departed from a rational understanding of the world.

Wendy Cope has an excellent poem about this exact thing:

He tells her that the earth is flat —
He knows the facts, and that is that.
In altercations fierce and long
She tries her best to prove him wrong.
But he has learned to argue well.
He calls her arguments unsound
And often asks her not to yell.
She cannot win. He stands his ground.

The planet goes on being round.

So the earth isn't flat and the moon not made of cheese lol

I had the unpleasant experience of being sent three-hour antivax videos and being told almost hysterically that I 'had to watch' them and I was being 'narrow minded' and 'closed off' and that I was a shill for 'dark forces' for my scientific rationality.

Eventually I had to face the fact this was just a symptom of a much deeper and irreconcilable issues. The relationship fell apart.

I also once had a great mate and we got on like a house on fire for years even though we were at antithetical ends of the political spectrum. This was because we left it outside. At the door. We respected each others' boundaries.

Dragging this rabid garbage into a relationship is something I regard as a major red flag. Unpleasant as it seems, I would begin formulating some kind of exit strategy.

I think people (usually men) become like this when they’ve been feeling uncertain, sad untethered - maybe after difficult like events.

They can then blame feeling scared and worried on the state of the world - illuminati, needing to prep - and disguise loss of confidence as mental superiority, such as thinking the world might be flat but most people are too stupid to appreciate it.

In my experience it often evolves into obvious mental unwellness

I know a couple of men who have acquired these views, including my cousin, and their wives are wonderfully intelligent and successful women, and I can't help thinking there's a pattern of men with too much time on their hands feeling emasculated by their brilliant wives.

I know both these women don't bother arguing anymore because it's pointless. It makes me feel quite lucky my husband is a grumpy left wing cynic.