Husband has got extreme views

[UnsureDifferences]

Name change on this to protect myself and family.
So my DH has over the past few years got more and more what I would call extreme views. He is into conspiracy theories, it started off by watching a few videos and being curious and now he full thinks that the illuminati are out to enslave us and talks about the earth being flat, which he is not sure about but goes on about it.
He is also fearful of immigration and is saying he will go on the marches and that we are being take over and that we need to be prepared.
I am an easy going educated person who leans slightly left and believes in science.
This is really getting me down as I am not sure I can be with him anymore if this is who he is now.
Aibu to leave him for having these different views. Or is it managable to continue on.
One part of me thinks it is similar to two people of different faiths being married, is this possible? Has anyone had a good relationship with someone with opposite political or religious views to them?
Any ideas as to what to do here.
Everything else is fine in our relationship

I’m sure much of what a conspiracy theorist says is just that. Conspiracy. Falsehoods. Misunderstanding and Lies.

But how do we really know? We think one thing and many years on learn that we were hoodwinked. MKUltra for example.

There are indeed government secrets, classified information and much we don’t or can’t know about the world we are living in. We are gaslit and fed information to better control the population and there is such a thing as behaviour change, which is a method used to enforce or encourage societal behaviour change, as well as social engineering. So maybe your husband is right and you are wrong. Who knows.

Another thing is that for many people, Covid and the way it was dealt with broke trust in authority. That opened the door to conspiracy theories gaining traction, spurred on by social media.

All I can say is that I like to think events like 911 were awful terrorist attacks and nothing closer to home. I like to believe we are told the truth about things that are important. But if I find out in 50 years that some conspiracy theories held merit, well, I doubt I’d be that surprised.

And without irrefutable proof one way or another, I find it hard to hold someone else with alternative views in such contempt as you do op. I personally would simply not engage or feign mild interest and ignore. But to consider divorce suggests a level of intolerance, that is quite typical of the left leaning these days.

My boss has become like that - radicalised over the internet, of course. But because I don’t spend all my time with him and he often talks about other stuff, it’s manageable and doesn’t affect me too much. I tease him about it too, so we have a banter going.

But being married to a man like that would be hard. It sounds like your DH is obsessed with it too which means that he’ll want it to be a way of life rather than something to sometimes debate. I would hate that and your kids would be affected.

I would get counselling for yourself so that you can clarify whether it’s something that is impossible and had the potential to cause mental harm to your kids.

I honestly couldn't be with someone that didn't share the same morals that I do

He sounds thick.

Thick people are boring.

You are not compatible- you can’t stand his views- divorce.

Sadly I agree with this. With a male friend who went down a similar rabbit hole it turned to severe depression and finally suicide. The conspiracy obsessions were an early warning sign in hindsight.

I couldn’t stay with a conspiracy theorist because I’d lose all respect for him.

Maybe he's right. Why would you want him to change what he thinks because you believe different? You are being unreasonable to leave over something as minor and undramatic as this. Personally I believe the recent migrant situation is an absolute crisis for the country. Most of us recognise that. It's not an extreme view to believe in putting your citizens first and protecting our borders. Maybe you could listen to his taking points and understand where he's coming from. Although if he does actually think the earth is flat there doesn't seem to be much credible evidence for that one unfortunately.

Often people are labelled as conspiracy theorists to make them sound unbelievable when inafact many may actually be into something.

What about the man in the moon? Please tell me he’s real!

The standard you walk past is the standard you accept. Do you really want to be married to someone with these views? Because if you stay in this relationship you're tacitly approving of them.

The people that voted for Brexit likely caused the small boats crisis. Before Brexit there was an agreement in place to return those migrants to the first European country they entered but of course all those agreements were torn up on departure. That’s why so many small boat migrants are attracted to the UK because they know this

There’s no conspiracy about that. It’s the unintended consequence of what people voted for. Labour recently made an agreement with France to return one in one out to try and plug the flood but effectively it goes back to Brexit. Reap what you sow and all of that.

Our friends are like this .they live abroad so not much impact really. I think that it comes from a place of fear.the world has changed a lot in recent times. Its simpler to think of new theories than accept that life is different now.is he kind and does he have other interests at all.is he happy at work. If you split up he will have more time alone with DC to talk about his views.i wonder if mental health issues may be a play here

I was going to post something very similar. I would start looking into his mental health.

As mentioned previously the key might be his health event and death of a family member within a year. Different people respond to stress differently. I have had experience with a male friend going way down that rabbit hole during COVID times. He is pretty much ok now but it was pretty bad at the time. If you have children and a lot invested in the relationship I would slowly try and encourage him in to counselling. Are there any close friends or family who could help encourage him?

It’s different to religion.
I know someone who became obsessed with the illuminati. He was a doctor and the NHS paid for him to get treatment for his mental health.
if he thinks the earth is flat please ask as I’d like to know - are the Aussies living on flat land but upside down? What happens when we get to the edge? Where actually IS the edge? Are all of the other planets flat too?
in answer to your question, I couldn’t stay with him.

But could you stay with this religious person if they looked down on your for NOT believing it?

It sounds like you are writing about my dad. I believe it was the beginning of a mental breakdown of some kind for him. He got so bad he cut us all off when my mum left because she could cope with it anymore. We didn't hear from him for 6 years until he was dying. He told us he was finished with all of those videos because they just made him angry but after he died and we went to the house again it was full of conspiracy theory books, it's like an addiction. Lots of the books were on modern medicines, cancer being a myth, curing yourself through fasting etc so I think in the end this way of thinking killed him.

I think my dad got into them because he had low self esteem. He enjoyed thinking he knew more than everyone else, but at the same time he absolutely couldn't cope with people not agreeing with him and would scoff at / put people down all the time. There is also a real community behind it all, so I'd try and work out what he's accessing to know if he's just watching the videos or actually part of a wider network.

Id tell him to stop talking to you about them and see how he reacts. Is it that he's interested in these theories or does it all hinge on feeling cleverer than you. That's the difference really (and would be the same for a religious partner in my eyes).

My dad's answer is that it is a test from God. Lots of conspiracy theorists are religious and God explains away any argument against their delusion.

Don’t bet that your DC haven’t overheard him saying something.

I don't think I could carry on with this, more so because you said he says he respects my views but you are wrong and he is right, not sure that's respecting someone's views.

He’d have to go if he was married to me. I couldn’t put up with having to listen to that nonsense day in and day out. He will be brainwashing your children too. Get rid. Life is too short.

He's basically fallen for a cult and been brainwashed. There is little you can do.
I would tell him that he has been captured by a cult and leave him. Let him know if he needs help escaping from it you will help him.

I agree with the religious argument, but it's a bit like being a Christian who goes to churchnd believes in the general theories of Christianity Opposed to a religious zealot who takes every part of the bible (or the bits that fit their view point) literally and won't listen to other view points.

I think one way that the analogy to a religious person doesn't work is that most religious people don't vehemently insist that the more mystical parts of their theology are literally true and ongoing right now, or that you must believe them in all as well. They're in there, like a vague belief in angels or heaven, but you aren't asked to affirm on a daily basis that planes fly directly through heaven in the clouds or that angels made your coffee taste so good or that your neighbour is going to literal hell or whatever.
So if you can't live with it, and most of us couldn't, I think that's not because of the fact that it's a different belief, but the way he arrives at these beliefs and the level of direct engagement you're being asked for.

It is different to political views. Me and my BFriend vote for different political parties but more or less have similar views and respect one another’s position.

Most people who are religious seem to just want to lead a quiet life helping others and more or less following rules like the 10 commandments in Christianity. So a non-religious person may not agree that say God exists but can respect the fact that the person wants to live a life helping others and following say Jesus’ example.

What you’re dealing here though isn’t normal differences of opinion, what’s going on here is fundamentalism and, as others have stated, it’s usually a sign of mental illness.

You should be wary of fundamentalists in any walk of life, whether it’s political, religious or the new conspiracy theorists.

Believing that the Earth is flat woukd be enough for me to end things. He’s nowhere near as cleaver as he thinks he is and I honestly couldn’t have any respect for him.

Agree it’s a sign of stupidity and mental frailness. Religion gets a pass because we recognise a lot of humans need it - it’s why we invented all the different religions.

Religions will have a moral instruction that goes along with the stories and it might be argued we need those moral frameworks to manage society. Where is the morality aspect of the conspiracy theorists? It’s just the stories without the moral framework.

It’s very important to check our own biases and assumptions when we are formulating our world views. If you see a theory make sure you look up the opposing view. Check the facts.

eg. PP says Brexit and losing the Dublin Agreement means we can no longer return migrants. A fact check will tell you we rarely used it and took on more people from the EU than we ever returned under it.

I do wonder what modern views will be considered bizarre in the future. We once mostly believed that gods were in charge, that difference ethnicities were inferior, that women couldn’t be leaders.

The trouble your husband is that he is showing himself to be closed minded, arrogant and thick by seeking out only what confirms his views. I agree it has to be over. I couldn’t live with someone who believed an organised religion or that the earth might be flat but the latter is worse.