Husband has got extreme views

[UnsureDifferences]

Name change on this to protect myself and family.
So my DH has over the past few years got more and more what I would call extreme views. He is into conspiracy theories, it started off by watching a few videos and being curious and now he full thinks that the illuminati are out to enslave us and talks about the earth being flat, which he is not sure about but goes on about it.
He is also fearful of immigration and is saying he will go on the marches and that we are being take over and that we need to be prepared.
I am an easy going educated person who leans slightly left and believes in science.
This is really getting me down as I am not sure I can be with him anymore if this is who he is now.
Aibu to leave him for having these different views. Or is it managable to continue on.
One part of me thinks it is similar to two people of different faiths being married, is this possible? Has anyone had a good relationship with someone with opposite political or religious views to them?
Any ideas as to what to do here.
Everything else is fine in our relationship

Personally, I could not live with somebody who held these ridiculous views. How can anyone respect somebody who believes that the earth is flat? I would just lose all respect, I'm afraid. Only you know whether you can put up with it for the rest of your life.

Except the UK is not straining at the seams. A little matter of 265,000 long term empty homes demonstrates that.

Is it less about what he believes but more about how he goes on and on about it? Like if he believed in the luteral interpretation of the Bible, that the world was made in 200 days and is only 2000 years old or whatever, you wouldn't mind if that was something he believed and didn't actively try to convert you to. But the frustration is because he is effectively trying to convert you to his 'religion'? Is that the difference for you, that he is actively pushing these views on you and trying to make you change yours?

To be honest I would leave, I can't cope with someone so incapable of being rational. But I'm sure it is a very tough choice.

I know a guy who believes every theory going no matter how daft, yet doesn't see that he is a 'sheeple' to those theories as much as someone who believes everything a government tell you too.
He spends literally every free moment 'researching' whatever the latest is. He spouts this treaty that treaty, some law, quoting parts but often muddles UK and USA.
Some of it is thought provoking, I will admit. Covid was the catalyst though, a mild interest became an obsession with 'elites' and 'we know jack, they hide everything and tell us bullshit', he gets louder and louder as he's so passionate.

Tell him not to worry, Reform will be in power soon and will put everything right.

It sounds like he's already on the path to right-wing extremism with his obsession with immigrants.

A lot of moderate religious people see the stories like in the bible as sort of fables, that can be interpreted in different ways, not necessarily to be taken at face value. They are also curious and question. I have a friend who is both a scientist and a Catholic and questions and discusses how the two can co-exist. It’s always interesting to talk to her and what she believes and why.

I couldn’t be with someone who though I was sheeple.

Regarding his flat earth views and all the other mentally unstable opinions he holds, ask him for solid, hard evidence. Especially the flat earth, he needs to provide the evidence for this for you to believe it. Bring it up whenever you're in company so the more people hear about his batshit views, it might make him stop and pause.

The flat earth view is a good starting point, because he'll definitely look like a fool in public. It'll also establish his views as unstable and easy for him to be dismissed, expose his views to sunlight.

There was a similar thread a few years ago and someone posted a link to advice on how to engage with someone like your husband. From memory, it was not to directly challenge but to quietly engage with them and treat them as if you respected their views. I think the theory was that this calm engagement might allow them to see how crazy it all was.

As poster above said 'I wonder how much of this reaching for madness is a way to control anxiety about the world, lack of her control, her place in it...'

This makes a lot of sense to me. Also, it's kinda exciting. We all know there are some conspiracies that turn out to be true or some things that happen that most of us raise an eyebrow and frankly it's intriguing and interesting when this happens. I wonder if it's a bit of thrill seeking. How interesting is his life generally. Is it boring? Is he looking for excitement,?

I agree with you about religion.

Are you hoping to start a family and would you be happy for children to be around these views? That is probably your answer. He might also be having a mental health problem. Sadly, the people who organise these conspiracy groups and hate groups really do target the vulnerable.

I could not deal with someone long term who is that lacking in intelligence and critical thinking ability. These thicko’s are all the same and are so extraordinarily dense and lacking in self awareness that you will never be able to have a reasoned debate or conversation. Their stock response is always that the reasonable, intelligent ones have been ‘brainwashed’ and are ‘sheep’. They think googling something is the pinnacle of scientific research and they ‘know their stuff’. I refuse to waste my time on dumbasses like this.

The difference is the obsession. Using religion as an example, there's a difference between an ordinary religious person and the person who stands in front of the tube station reading the Bible through a megaphone and telling everyone to repent

Your DH is delusional. He continues with fixed ideas despite overwhelming evidence his ideas are unfounded/wrong. Religion is not the same as culturally it is acceptable to have religious beliefs that for some test the realms of reality. Most are also not fixated on their religious beliefs and find them helpful/gives them peace. He sounds mentally ill and it would be something I would be encouraging specific mental health help for.

My once-beautiful area is built up on every inch. And I am talking about GPs, hospitals, council services, ie the infrastructure. So yes, it really is.

That's a bit of a sweeping statement @IridiumSky . I've seen an intelligent ex co-worker professional with critical thinking skills become taken over by this stuff. I'd say he is undiagnosed autistic as ADHD so not sure if this also impacts. But I'd also say he is undergoing some kind of mental health crisis because it does sound like hysteria. It's actually quite worrying and I think a symptom of men thinking they cant ask for help with mental health/be vulnerable and the lack of mental health care readily available.

Has he had some kind of mental health breakdown and is experiencing paranoia?

If this is sudden and completely out of character you could firmly suggest to him that he needs to speak to his GP/seek support.

If he persists in his odd behaviour/views then I would not hesitate to end the relationship.

I would be concerned that he is going to get even worse and that the kids will be affected to.

Oh fuck off with the ‘undiagnosed autism’ bullshit!

I listened to a podcast on BBC sounds called Death by Conspiracy.
I used to think that 'facts' and 'science' should be enough to persuade people away from the tin foil hat but unfortunately it isn't.

You need to decide what you can put up with. Sounds a difficult situation. I wouldn't want my DC to think that this was normal behavior

You've obviously been to Victoria tube on the wrong day 😁. Sure there are others haha. Crackpots.

No I won't because it's a fact that my industry has a high level of such people including me, takes one to know one! Goes with the work territory. Plus he displayed classic ADHD avoidance behaviours and work done last minute only under pressure, going from one thought to another a many times a minute. There were many other signs though! He was still a great guy so it's sad to see him be sucked into the rabbit hole of conspiracies.

Is it not conceivable @PeriJane that there are varying levels of people on the spectrum and that it can make people more vulnerable to some ideology, and I'm going to include the extreme trans movement as well as conspiracy theories in that, so I'll be popular!

@DiscouragingDiagnosis My DM is the same. V highly educated but with a background of personality disorder, trauma, and lack of social support so it was really waiting to happen.

I sent some pictures of the kids recently and all I got back were conspiracy links accompanied by long ranting messages about the woke agenda.

Me and DH have different views. I believe in the bible as a literal recount. I believe Jesus will return to the earth one day as he has been before.
DH doesn’t.
We are fine together because I respect that he doesn’t believe what I do, and I don’t believe what he does. That’s it. He might ask about specific Christian things and I answer. That’s it.
However, I went to school with someone who has an open Facebook. Their views are quite extreme and has talk about being the chosen one, the knowledgeable one etc. Then starts to go to hatred for women (intertwined with their many other beliefs) It later messy and very strong. I’d find that very difficult.

And the vast swathes of uninhabited countryside. I'm sick of the 'we're full' nonsense.

Honestly for me it appears to be less about the beliefs themselves, more about the way he handles it. I am also left leaning, not religious in any manner, and like to think evidence based. The beliefs themselves are as absurd to me as religion. However, raising children in a household with multiple beliefs who can respect each other's opinions, enjoy debate without getting personal, and discuss our differences openly seems like a healthy household for children to be raised in. If my partner woke up tomorrow as a scientologist, for example, I'd find it hard but would like to think we would openly discuss it. If that didn't happen (whatever the belief) I'd find that too alienating and concerning. It would feel like an integral part of the person I fell in love with had changed. Could that be what's happening with you? And why you can't quite reconcile your thoughts re religion ? ... just a thought! Im so sorry OP, it must be incredibly hard.

I had an ex like this. Looking back, I think he was probably depressed, with a combination of feeling special somehow - like he was the chosen one who had his eyes 'wide open'.
What I couldn't stand was the constant negativity. Like yeah ok, so if the world really is like what you think it is then what are you going to do about? Oh just sit at home all day watching youtube videos and bitching about the brainwashed 'sheeple'? Yeah that's going to change stuff.