DH sabotaging a rare day out - at my wits end

[Footballwidow25]

DH and I haven’t had the chance for any ‘us’ time for a couple of months - mixture of family commitments with the kids and he has been at football two Saturday’s this month.

So today we had the chance to go to a city for a shop, some nice lunch and drinks and a general walk around for ‘us’ time.

The day started with DH moaning he was missing a ‘good’ football match which all his mates were going to.

He was then generally an absolute pain during the day. Nothing stand out but a selection of the most annoying things:

-I was using the toilet at the park and ride. This is indoors with a seating area where some other people were waiting. I was a few minutes in there (TOM - sorry if oversharing) and when I got out, he loudly said ‘fucking hell, were you having a shit?’ which was so embarrassing in front of a load of strangers.

-We went into a pub and the table we were sat on was surrounded by screens with a football update show on (the sky one where the scores appear at the bottom) but there was no sound. I nipped to the loo and when I got back, the sound was on really loud which I commented on as we were having to almost shout to hear each other. DH said he didn’t know why they put it on but 2 minutes later, the bar man gave him a thumbs up as if to say ‘is that okay mate’ and he admitted he requested the sound was put on.

-I needed to nip back into a shop before we went home to buy an item I saw earlier and was unsure on. DH’s team had lost so he was in a bit of a mood. He was stood next to me in the fairly long queue and then sheepishly walked off. It then absolutely stunk and he admitted after it was him and he found it hilarious.

The reason I’m posting, is I told a couple of my friends in our group chat how the day had gone and they were basically like ‘yeah, he’s a bloke and probably feels like he missed out on football with his mates to go shopping so cut him some slack’.

Am I overreacting as I feel he could have at least pretended to be interested in my company given how rare a day out for us is now!

The loud ‘shit’ comment is disgusting. I couldn’t be around someone like this.

I would arrange another day together soon, not shopping though, and see how it goes. And if he doesn’t change his ways I’d divorce him because this is your actual life. Spending it like this sounds horrific.

He sounds disgusting. I really don’t know why women put up with this. So many times I’ve seen it where you meet a really nice intelligent woman and then you meet her partner who has the personality of a lazy grumpy teenager.

He’s a grown man. If he didn’t like the plan involving shopping he could have said it wasn’t for him. Instead I get the impression he wasn’t in the mood for it that day but instead of asking if they could leave shopping out or just dealing with doing something he didn’t fancy like an adult, he decided to act like a child.

All these folk excusing his behaviour because "does he like shopping?" GET IN THE BIN.

Humiliating your partner in public is abusive.

He has shown you what he is, not for the first time I'm sure. What does he say about you behind your back? Does he humiliate you in front of your children or other family? This is not about shopping, football or 'days out'.

My husband is a massive Everton fan. He must mention Bramley Moor Dock at least once a day. But he's never humiliated or degraded me because he couldn't watch a match.

I find it incredible women get into bed with these type of men. They give me the ick.

Sounds like you would have had a much better day on your own. I always think a relationship should be greater than the sum of its parts otherwise what’s the point?

Has your husband apologised and made it up for the disgusting way he embarrassed you?
Does your husband ever bend and enjoy what you plan?

You must like shopping.
Shopping is never a date day for me, it is a chore that I like to do quickly and not often.
Maybe next date day, have a more intimate itinerary and know where you will be eating. Eating at a pub during football season is overwhelmed by screens..

Watch out for ideas for day outings - any shows on, any historical parks nearby, any great films, ramble paths you'd enjoy, adventures into a new skill such as sail boarding etc.
This is only if you are not happy shopping.
Your husband was a dick.

His behaviour was disgusting but I hardly think a day out shopping is going to be fun for anyone.
I went shopping yesterday and there were loads of bored looking men getting in the way and looking like they'd just been attacked with a stun gun. I always go shopping on my own.
Could you not have gone to a park or the sea or something.

crikey, sounds a right pig. Ive got the ick for you

Anyone spoke to me with a comment like the 'fucking hell..' one, they'd be on their bike. Just revolting. This site is full of LTB but honestly, I think they'd be right, here. What is the point?

According to OP’s posts it was indeed a trip they’d organised together, with meal, drinks, exploring the city and shops - one of the shops being one he particularly requested going to.

Why is everyone so desperate to make excuses for him? He’s not an eight year old child.

Even if it had been all her plan (which it wasn’t) that still wouldn’t make his behaviour remotely acceptable. We all do things sometimes that aren’t our first choice, because there’s something a family member wants to do and it makes them happy. And he’d already had two days at the football that month.

you need to to pick battles if dh team were playing not hope in hell he would come shopping however he would suggest another day to it as a compromise.

his behaviour after agreeing miss the football and go shopping completely unacceptable.

He’s a disgusting pig.

If he wanted to go and watch the football he should have just said so. He’s a big boy.

TBH I wouldn’t be happy to miss a match with my mates to go round the the shops. The difference between me and your DP though OP is that I would not be an arsehole all day and ruin it for you - and myself.

I’ve been roped in to something I don’t want to do tomorrow. I will go along with good grace and probably have a lovely time. Because that’s the grown up thing to do.

He sounds disgusting.

The bar is very low for some women..I despair.

How are you still in a relationship with a moron like this

Sorry OP this doesn’t really help you but I dumped my football fanatic ex before marriage / kids for this exact reason. It majorly gives me the ick in a grown man. They prioritise football above everything else, which IMO is really embarrassing over the age of around 22.

If he’s always like this you either have to accept it or leave in my experience. My uncle is the same and he’s 68 so they don’t change!

Horrible and immature person.

Perhaps you missed the part where they discussed the day and where to go? I'm sure the rude manchild in this story can use his words. Also you may have missed the manchild saying there was a shop he wanted to look in.
Rude behaviour is unforgivable.

You're very low on his list of priorities. Are you willing to accept that? He doesn't give a shit about spending time with you... You deserve better....

My ex would have been like this over football, thankfully my now husband is not into football and when I look back to the life I had it was a bit depressing at times. I would say leave him to his football and mates if it was me, but I know thats easy to say. You don't need to cut him this much slack, this was supposed to be your day together and he made sure he ruined it.

whilst it absolutely sounds like he was being a twat, could the issue be that the day you planned was doing ‘you’ things rather than ‘us’ things? Lots of blokes don’t enjoy being dragged round the shops (and in the interests of balance many women wouldn’t enjoy it either) plus he clearly wanted to watch the football so it was a mismatch of priorities. That said if he’s regularly putting football in front of time with you then you have an issue to work through. Hopefully the “LTB” crowd are being sarcastic on this one ; it’s hardly worth splitting your family over but he does need to know you’re unhappy with the situation.

Your friends actually said “he’s a bloke and missed out on football to go shopping so cut him some slack?” If so, you need a new husband and new friends.

This - totally!

Your idea of a nice day out sounds like hell to me. Each to her own of course but perhaps your husband is telling you,indirectly,that wandering around shops is purgatory for him.

Have either of you read the ops posts? There are a whole two of them, so I get that it’s a lot to ask. The second one says ‘The shopping was a small part of the day really, infact when we picked the city to go to DH said they had a specific shop there which he wanted to look in. I went in only a couple of shops. He certainly wasn’t against this when we planned the day.’

now that you’ve read them, do you really not think he’s an asshole?