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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DH sabotaging a rare day out - at my wits end

256 replies

Footballwidow25 · 23/08/2025 20:49

DH and I haven’t had the chance for any ‘us’ time for a couple of months - mixture of family commitments with the kids and he has been at football two Saturday’s this month.

So today we had the chance to go to a city for a shop, some nice lunch and drinks and a general walk around for ‘us’ time.

The day started with DH moaning he was missing a ‘good’ football match which all his mates were going to.

He was then generally an absolute pain during the day. Nothing stand out but a selection of the most annoying things:

-I was using the toilet at the park and ride. This is indoors with a seating area where some other people were waiting. I was a few minutes in there (TOM - sorry if oversharing) and when I got out, he loudly said ‘fucking hell, were you having a shit?’ which was so embarrassing in front of a load of strangers.

-We went into a pub and the table we were sat on was surrounded by screens with a football update show on (the sky one where the scores appear at the bottom) but there was no sound. I nipped to the loo and when I got back, the sound was on really loud which I commented on as we were having to almost shout to hear each other. DH said he didn’t know why they put it on but 2 minutes later, the bar man gave him a thumbs up as if to say ‘is that okay mate’ and he admitted he requested the sound was put on.

-I needed to nip back into a shop before we went home to buy an item I saw earlier and was unsure on. DH’s team had lost so he was in a bit of a mood. He was stood next to me in the fairly long queue and then sheepishly walked off. It then absolutely stunk and he admitted after it was him and he found it hilarious.

The reason I’m posting, is I told a couple of my friends in our group chat how the day had gone and they were basically like ‘yeah, he’s a bloke and probably feels like he missed out on football with his mates to go shopping so cut him some slack’.

Am I overreacting as I feel he could have at least pretended to be interested in my company given how rare a day out for us is now!

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 24/08/2025 05:10

He doesn't seem to even like you very much
What's the point in being with him?

Eviebeans · 24/08/2025 05:16

I’m wondering why you want to spend your precious free time with this person - a day shopping and lunching with a friend is usually much better
If he usually chooses to spend his free time with his mates this of course leads us to a bigger question

Cherrytree86 · 24/08/2025 05:17

Just dump him , OP @Footballwidow25

TeaBiscuitsNaptime · 24/08/2025 05:54

Maybe try planning a date together next time. Maybe the time together caught him by surprise and there was football stuff in his head. And if he still acts like that when ye have it planned between ye.. well, you'll have your answer. That he's not too interested in having time together

TearsForFears25 · 24/08/2025 05:56

He sounds like a right prick, tbh.

AbzMoz · 24/08/2025 06:12

Is he actually 14?

What’s the point of being with someone who doesn’t want to spend time with you? In his mind was it a nice day? Worth missing the football for?

FreddysFingers · 24/08/2025 06:22

Cut him some slack?! I can't believe your friends said that to you, he sounds pathetic and childish! Sounds as if he wanted to watch/go to the match and decided to behave like a twat because he was 'trapped' for the day with you.

Surveille222 · 24/08/2025 06:43

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

tuvamoodyson · 24/08/2025 06:46

JudgeJ · 23/08/2025 23:19

Maybe he didn't want to be dragged round the shops all day, if the OP wanted time together maybe she could have gone to the football to be with him! It's not only women who get to set the family agenda. Personally I'd rather stare at a blank wall that walk round town, what a boring waste of a day.

…and yet he did want to go. There was a shop he especially wanted to go to 🤷‍♀️

Mulledjuice · 24/08/2025 06:49

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 23/08/2025 20:57

His behaviour sounds shit

However is shopping 'us time' that you both enjoy or something for you? And if something for you, do you do things with him that you have. I interest in?

This. He had to miss football and trundle round the shops after you. How is that fun?

I would have left him in the pub.

bumbaloo · 24/08/2025 06:49

jetlag92 · 23/08/2025 21:31

You did take him shopping, my DH would hate that. Do you have any interests in common? If not, let him go to the football 1 x month and then you go out with mates 1 x month and then you do something in the evening a couple of times a month.

My DH doesn't even like football...

Edited

He’d already been to the football 2x this month so what’s your next brilliant idea?

bumbaloo · 24/08/2025 06:56

Noideawhatiam · 23/08/2025 21:01

I'm on the fence here, while his behaviour does sound childish and annoying, how much does he really enjoy shopping?
Your description makes it sound like he doesn't, and it wasn't really an "us day" but more a "you day" that he was expected to tag along to, a bit like him taking you to the football and calling it an "us day".
You're quite right that time together is important, but if it's a rare occasion you should make sure it's something that you will both enjoy.

They went to a couple of shops. He also went to a shop. They picked the locations as there was a shop HE wanted to go to.

the whole day was not shopping.

god forbid a woman need to use the loo twice without being lambasted for it. If your partner can not handle you using the loo twice in a day and chooses to humiliate you when you do and you think that’s appropriate you need to raise your bar.

he’s vile. Farting in the queue and laughing about it? Asking is she’s done a shit loudly so people can hear. Dear god I wouldn’t have made it through one date with an oaf this boorish

Icanttakethisanymore · 24/08/2025 06:58

ignore me - hadn’t read your updates.

Mere1 · 24/08/2025 07:02

YesHonestly · 23/08/2025 20:49

God he sounds vile.

This is my reaction too.

MrsDoubtfire1 · 24/08/2025 07:14

Don't get mad, get even! Bide your time when you can deal an equal blow and let him see how his behaviour reflects. He just sounds like your usual 2 dimensional bloke. There are millions of him up and down the country. Take it or leave it.

whiterabbity · 24/08/2025 07:15

I’m missing the point of the thread massively but I relate to your username and wondered if you were in Scotland?😂

Luckyingame · 24/08/2025 07:25

Well, he doesn't want to go shopping and do stuff with you, sorry. He clearly prefers to do his own thing.

babyproblems · 24/08/2025 07:27

I think he sounds awful!
I did wonder whether he’s had some sort of health incident as it sounds a bit unhinged the lying about the tv sound etc!

Middlechild3 · 24/08/2025 07:32

Yes he was being obnoxious but wandering around shops isn't everyone's idea of a nice day out. Find something mutually enjoyable next time.

Imisschampagne · 24/08/2025 07:33

What the fuck have I just read? Are you even remotely attracted to him anymore? He is disgusting.

farting in public on purpose - and leaving you with the stink. What kind of utterly foul and mangy behavior is that? Who does that?

And humiliating you in public by asking whether you took a shit? How crass and vile!

Is he putting you down like that regularly and behaving like an ape?

Alltheyellowbirds · 24/08/2025 07:43

I cannot get over all the posts excusing this grown man’s awful behaviour because “oh but you made him go shopping!” Or “oh but he wanted to watch the football scores!”

Do we really expect so little of men that we excuse them treating their wives like this every time they don’t get their own way?

Quite apart from the fact that this wasn’t her “dragging him round the shops”. This was a special day trip they’d organised together.

PollyBell · 24/08/2025 07:46

Alltheyellowbirds · 24/08/2025 07:43

I cannot get over all the posts excusing this grown man’s awful behaviour because “oh but you made him go shopping!” Or “oh but he wanted to watch the football scores!”

Do we really expect so little of men that we excuse them treating their wives like this every time they don’t get their own way?

Quite apart from the fact that this wasn’t her “dragging him round the shops”. This was a special day trip they’d organised together.

But was it organised together? Or did the op decide what was to happen and the husband tagged along?
Did they mutually decide basically what was going to happen

millymollyminging · 24/08/2025 07:48

I had one like that once. Left him 33 years
ago.

best thing I ever did.

EnterFunnyNameHere · 24/08/2025 07:51

I can't believe all these posts excusing him because shopping is boring. He's an adult, if he's agreed to do something with someone he should do it and with good grace. If it that big of a deal, he shouldn't have agreed to go in the first place!

Neemie · 24/08/2025 07:54

Does he like shopping? It is quite boring if it isn’t your thing. He sounds pretty awful generally, but shopping can bring out the worst in people.