DH sabotaging a rare day out - at my wits end

[Footballwidow25]

DH and I haven’t had the chance for any ‘us’ time for a couple of months - mixture of family commitments with the kids and he has been at football two Saturday’s this month.

So today we had the chance to go to a city for a shop, some nice lunch and drinks and a general walk around for ‘us’ time.

The day started with DH moaning he was missing a ‘good’ football match which all his mates were going to.

He was then generally an absolute pain during the day. Nothing stand out but a selection of the most annoying things:

-I was using the toilet at the park and ride. This is indoors with a seating area where some other people were waiting. I was a few minutes in there (TOM - sorry if oversharing) and when I got out, he loudly said ‘fucking hell, were you having a shit?’ which was so embarrassing in front of a load of strangers.

-We went into a pub and the table we were sat on was surrounded by screens with a football update show on (the sky one where the scores appear at the bottom) but there was no sound. I nipped to the loo and when I got back, the sound was on really loud which I commented on as we were having to almost shout to hear each other. DH said he didn’t know why they put it on but 2 minutes later, the bar man gave him a thumbs up as if to say ‘is that okay mate’ and he admitted he requested the sound was put on.

-I needed to nip back into a shop before we went home to buy an item I saw earlier and was unsure on. DH’s team had lost so he was in a bit of a mood. He was stood next to me in the fairly long queue and then sheepishly walked off. It then absolutely stunk and he admitted after it was him and he found it hilarious.

The reason I’m posting, is I told a couple of my friends in our group chat how the day had gone and they were basically like ‘yeah, he’s a bloke and probably feels like he missed out on football with his mates to go shopping so cut him some slack’.

Am I overreacting as I feel he could have at least pretended to be interested in my company given how rare a day out for us is now!

Ironic

Your DH prefers football to you. He is rude, selfish, uncaring, and immature.

He prefers football to you. If you're OK with that, then it's fine. He's also rude, disrespectful and unkind. Again.....if you're OK with that, then it's fine

and when I got out, he loudly said ‘fucking hell, were you having a shit?’

And you're on the fence??? He's vile

Having grown up with a father whose football obsession dominated the TV schedule, I swore I would never marry a man who carried the same energy. No one needs that kind of idiotic man baby in their life - least of all you, OP.

I suppose the only good news is that from your friends' reactions their husbands are even worse, so..

but in the space of a few hours he lied, was inconsiderate, grumpy, smelly, disrespectful, childish, unengaged, boring, sulky and deliberately tried to embarrass you several times. Sounds like a real prince.

Sounds like a spoilt man child. I wouldn't want to go out with him. Vile.

Was going to say “Why are you married to this bloke?” But the truth is, you’re not really, are you?

Okay, so shopping might not be his thing, fair enough. But he could have used his words, explained that, maybe suggested something else he would have enjoyed more, rather than being a man-baby about it.

Fun mustard could judgej be a man. The partner agreed to day so should have made effort or said I don't want to go round shops let's do this.

I’d tell him he has the kids next Sunday while I go out on my own to recover. I’ll shop without my husband being a grumpy moody downer, eat without my husband who thinks I’m a chump pretending he hadn’t asked to turn the sound up, go to the bathroom without being publicly humiliated by my husband, and queue without having to breathe my husbands poo gas while he’s walked off.

and next opportunity to go out together id stress he doesn’t need to come and if he doesn’t like spending time with his wife he should say so.

You seem to be married to a 14 year old.

And one thing 14 year old boys can't stand is being dragged round the shops by the womenfolk when their mates are enjoying footie and farting.

That day out didn't work for him so he slouched around metaphorically moaning 'I didnt ask to be born ... I hate my life ... All my mates get to watch the football ... It's not fair ... ' 😫

He won't change, mature or improve - this is it for the duration.

So:

Strike that sort of day out off the list, as it's a dud from his point of view. Especially if it's on a day when the great god sport 🙄 is rising.

If you really want to spend time with him, get him to decide what he'd like to do with you as a day out, and participate.

If he won't cooperate, contribute or participate with good grace - the conclusion must be that he doesn't want to be with you or enjoy your company. At all.

Then you have some decisions to make.

He sounds like an absolute prick, and the fact that you are unsure about the situation and "nothing stands out" about the day, suggests that he's always a prick.

He sounds like a spoilt child!

Tell him you've had VAR take a look at the relationship, and it shows he's been/is
an arsehole 😀

You need to decide what you want. Stay with him and work on it or leave

Every day on multiple platforms I am reading posts from women who are with men who don’t seem to even like them or care about their needs/feelings. This is another example. It must be so sad to be in this situation. You either put up with it or you make some changes.

I’m a massive Everton supporter and season ticket holder, married to a Liverpool ‘fan’ (i.e. he doesn’t go to matches, will watch them on the telly, but often needs me to remind him who and when they are playing!) and I am very conscious of just how much the fixture list impacts (and in truth, dictates) our social calendar between August and May each year.

In return I make sure he also gets time to do the stuff he enjoys (gym, trips out on his motorbike etc).

That means our ‘us’ time is precious and would therefore be unlikely to involve shopping in a city and going to a pub. This doesn’t seem like the kind of environment or set of activities that fosters an atmosphere of romance, intimacy or a focus on each other and the relationship.

That said, I do think he behaved poorly. If he’d agreed to spend the day as planned, the least he could have done was involve himself in the activities with some enthusiasm and remove himself from the queue before breaking wind, not afterwards.

He does sound like a nob.

That said, a better plan would have been to have the together time before the football, and then you shop at your leisure while he watched the football in the pub. Then you could join him for a drink afterwards (although you’d still have the problem of him sulking that his team had lost).

Its a partnership in a relationship if you both strive to look after and support each other and give them space to do what they enjoy but also respect of each other and sometimes do things you are not keen on with smile on your face. Sorry to hear gillefc82 you support Everton lol I'm Liverpool fan my older sister made me watch match of day in 1970's she selected Leeds United with Billy bremlar and bite your leg Norman hunter the other top team was Liverpool and Kevin keegan looked cute although now the perm looks bad and embarrassing song, my sons one manu fan other Chelsea manu fan gets stroppy when they lose but Chelsea fan it doesn't bother him. The football superstars started with George Best.

I would be so embarassed by his behaviour even putting aside men's famous dislike of "shopping". Men generally go into a shop and if looks vaguely like what they wanted they buy it - they don't look round other shops to see if it comes blue etc. I remember a credit card advertising campaign where this man got to go out with goddeslike women by the simple expedient of convincing them he really loved shopping.

I am married to a fanatical golfer. He made a decision years ago not to play golf in the weekends but I know better than to arrange anything during the day on Wednesdays or Fridays. (He was self-employed.) But even if I dragged him out on a Wednesday, he wouldn't embarass me like that. He sounds a bit like a sulky teenager - I mean what grown man finds his vile smelling flatulence hilariously funny and snigger worthy. I think I'd have the ick really.

He sounds like a petulant child but dh and I mutually plan days like this and ensure we are both happy with what was decided, so was he involved and enthusiastic when you were planning it or did you just expect him to go along with it?

Yes i know there are poster's on here who just say he should have done whatever you wanted and other more dramatic expressions

YANBU to find his behaviour pathetic and disgusting. Is he 13?

YABU to impose on him your idea of a day out (shopping) when all he wanted to do was watch the football.

What a vile selfish creature he is