To not want to live to an old age

[2sidesofcoins]

Reading the eldery parents board it has filled me with dread for old age. It has so many wealthy elderly people living in misery, too old to enjoy life anymore, no matter how wealthy.
My generation won't see much of retirement as it's pushed up to 70. We have 2 working parents, a lot more stress, enviromental toxins and will see life expectancy reduce very soon.
But the altenative of having my brain die while I am live on is terrifying. I think I'll be refusing antibiotic treatment and going out with the old persons friend Pneumonia!
I'm mid forties and pissed off at all the age related shite already (Reading glasses, stiff joints, looming menopause, inability to lose weight!!)

@2sidesofcoins good for you! Learn from everyone else’s mistakes and plan and prepare for the life you want.

Joy in the little things is important- a lovely day, a delicious meal. Don’t let the big worries spoil your enjoyment of small things. It’s a really helpful habit- smell the coffee and the roses!

Thanks op for starting this thread. I am a bit down myself at the minute and dealing with some difficult issues. I also, as some previous PPs, live on my own with limited support. I have decided to prioritise health and fitness and make the most of life as best I can when I retire soon. But the idea that I can create a living will and refuse any life prolonging treatment in the future has ironically cheered me up. I also hope that by then, maybe in 20 years, there will be a more humane system for anyone facing a complicated, painful few years. Ie. Euthanasia for anyone who wants it. A nice simple death makes for a less stressful life.

So if it “helps” why did you say “I disagree”?!

For instance

Conclusions: This population-based study suggests that lifestyle factors influence PD progression and mortality. © 2019 International Parkinson and Movement Disorder Society.

My MIL was 87 a couple of weeks ago.

She's amazingly fit, and until a few months ago was spending hours a day gardening. A couple of months ago, she started getting a pain in her hip area that we think might be the beginning of arthritis and she moans that she now has to come in and have a rest after a couple of hours of gardening. She's 100% compos mentis, too, and has a better memory than me.

Otoh, I was diagnosed with arthritis in my spine at 42, and had had 3 lots of surgery for joint problems before I was 60.

Getting old's fine if your health holds up.

It all depends on the quality of life at that stage I think
would anyone really want it be 90 and suffering and not enjoying life but still just be alive sitting in a chair all day
or laying in bed all day

That's the best thing to do - no one is guaranteed a future, only this moment you are living

61 today , and my days plans turned upside down when mum had a fall last night

Yes Im ready for my pension, already have my travel pass , and Im still caring for a parent

And grandchildren the other end

No option but to stay as fit as possible so that I can carry on. Ive watched my step dad disable himself by taking to the chair and not moving - hes been gone 10 years now and I ' ve watched my mum do the same - sitting there waiting for god - both sat down at 60

I still work, I exercise, I eat a well balanced diet. I keep the weight steady

Sure my knees arent what they once were and not all my teeth are my own, but Im going to keep moving and taking care of me and hopefully I when my number is called, its when Im dancing on a bar :)

If you like her work, I’d recommend reading ‘Should we stay or should we go?’, in which the protagonists, feeling very much like you do, make a joint suicide pact. The rest of the book explores a number of different scenarios where one or both of them doesn’t go through with it. Some are happy endings, some horrific, all different. It’s definitely thought provoking!

Sorry, the author is Lionel Shriver!

grandkids?

We had as happy an experience of losing a parent as is possible IMO. DM laid down to sleep one night at 89 and didn't wake in the morning. But she was pretty much well, bar aches, and compos mentis to the end.

I’m so sorry to read this @2sidesofcoinsand understand how painful it would have been for your dad to battle the prostate cancer, and how awful for you and family to witness. It all seems so unfair.

I didn’t know about the advanced directive re antibiotics so will look into that, thank you.

Exactly!!

Happy Birthday @suki1964 🎂

People disagreeing with OP are doing so from a place of massive privilege imo, excepting those with life limiting illness, of course. We don’t lol have GC to look forward to, for goodness sake!

It’s wonderful that you have great health, active elderly relatives full of joi de vivre. That isn’t everyone’s experience, and while it’s wonderful for you to crack on with your inspirational relatives and lok forward to your ow declining years, those of us watching our elderlies in misery are not as enthused! Don’t misunderstand, if I find myself at 85 still active and with a social network to enthuse about then I most certainly will make the most of it. That isn’t the situation OP is talking about though!

We are disagreeing with the idea of inevitability of advancing years being nothing but a pile of shite

It’s not inevitable but it’s a distinct possibility. Obviously the elderly parent board is where people with challenging situations tend to gather, but it’s actually been quite reassuring to know we aren’t alone 🤣

A significant chunk of people don’t enjoy their last years. It’s healthier to recognise the possibility and make the advance directives and other plans, along with maximising our physical and financial health. OP makes a really good point that money doesn’t guarantee comfort if you won’t spend it! So we all need to be considering how we can save/spend money to support a comfortable old age!

People just suggesting Op focus on improving her “now”

and disputed that lifestyle factors have very little impact on quality and longevity of life

That isn’t a “place of privilege”
That is… hope, optimism, positivity approach to life

and the chances are, those of us with that approach to the future are very likely much happier with their present life as well

Please god let that be the way I go. But a selfish wish, because so distressing for the person who finds me.

It was shit for my sister, who lives very close and went over at 8:30 am because DM hadn't answered the phone, to find her dead. But we both spoke to her the day before, and she insisted that she was fine, just tired and wanting an early night. It's the way I'd like to go too.

It has also been proven by masses of research that lifestyle factors account for 70-80% of longevity and healthy ageing, and attitude has been shown to be a massive factor also.

Lifestyle factors also greatly influence genetic predispositions to diseases such as Parkinson's, Alzheimers, and massively influence the risks of other diseases such as cancer - and even once diagnosed with Parkinson's, lifestyle factors have been shown to dramatically improve disease progression and outcomes.

This is all backed up by decades of research, and generally accepted by all the major bodies. Really, only on MN do I encounter people unaware of the obvious fact that how you live, eat, move, and think makes a difference to how you age.

Can you give examples of names?

Quite a few people in that field have a history of making dramatic promises of imminent breakthroughs which so far have not panned out.

Old age can come with a host of problems unfortunately but I'm scared to die and of old age but no answers

If you are interested, read Ageless, by Andrew Steele. Steele is no fool. He did a Physics PhD at Oxford and is married to a GP. That's about as far from a charlatan as you can get. It is very carefully written, and every claim he makes is backed by references. He believes the first anti-ageing drug will be available within five to ten years.

Whether or not we should cure ageing is a separate question. Like I said, Africa's birth rate is so high the African population is going to double, and the world's population is yet to peak (at ten billion). Plus, of course, we have a looming climate crisis. Still, it will be interesting see what happens. My own hunch is that we'll fail miserably (we were promised a cancer cure back in the 1970s, with Nixon's 'war on cancer', and yet 50+ years later we've got virtually nowhere). But who knows. One of the experts in this field, Aubrey de Grey, says the lack of interest scares him. We need to prepare now. If anti-ageing drugs arrive suddenly, and they work, what will that mean for inheritance, housing overpopulation, pensions, life insurance, etc?

I see. Reading up on Steele, he does sound reliable, thank you.

I would be more wary of de Grey though.