To not want to live to an old age

[2sidesofcoins]

Reading the eldery parents board it has filled me with dread for old age. It has so many wealthy elderly people living in misery, too old to enjoy life anymore, no matter how wealthy.
My generation won't see much of retirement as it's pushed up to 70. We have 2 working parents, a lot more stress, enviromental toxins and will see life expectancy reduce very soon.
But the altenative of having my brain die while I am live on is terrifying. I think I'll be refusing antibiotic treatment and going out with the old persons friend Pneumonia!
I'm mid forties and pissed off at all the age related shite already (Reading glasses, stiff joints, looming menopause, inability to lose weight!!)

Wow, I didn't know people were so interested in me to look up previous posts.
Yes, life has been tough, does that mean I'm not allowed to post anything.

@Returnofjude why would you think
it's going to change?

AWARE OF me. What does that even mean? ....Other threads, Ive only posted 3 times.
Will it make you feel more superior if I add my SIL died of cancer last year.

If I were you, I'd worry about it when you get there. I know some very happy octogenarians, still living and enjoying the lives they have, focusing on what they can still do rather than what they can't. Of course it doesn't look very appealing when you're 45, in much the same way as 45 would have seemed past it and pointless at 21, but things look different when you get there. I feel sad for elderly people living miserable lives, but its not guaranteed you'll be one of them, and the positive happy ones probably wouldn't thank you for dismissing their life stage as a fate worse than death.

Well as someone age 54 with Parkinson’s, diagnosed at 45 I don’t think further than a couple of years ahead. I’m living in the now.

I agree. I think we’re impacted by our relatives’ experiences.

MiL is miserable and has been for years. She gets so much medical attention and investigation. She’s at the doctor, specialist, hospital, scan every week. Still miserable and dissatisfied.

DM similar. Actually relatively healthy and active, but angry about the ways her body is deteriorating, refuses to take meds as prescribed, and constantly overwhelmed by life. Refuses to spend money on suooort that would make her life easier, despite being wealthy.

Both of them look to us to make them feel better and solve their problems. No visit goes by without some pointless job being found for us to do. Because we want to do their chores as well as our own, on our non working days. Yay.

So from my pov, old age looks very unappealing.

Come off the elderly parents board and read all all the threads moaning about how fit active old people aren’t doing enough childcare because they are too busy enjoying themselves instead.

This.

There’s a lot you can do to improve your quality of life as you age. Of course you can’t eliminate risk, but you can mitigate it. Start now op, if you haven’t already and give yourself the best chance to remain functional in your later years.

Staying fit and eating well will give you a much better chance of of living happily + independently well into old age. My DM is 91 and has only really started showing signs of slowing down in the last year or two. She worked until she was 85 out of choice as in her opinion it keeps your mind and body young - I think she is definitely right.

Op…. Calm down

yes, we have been on the same very recent threads. In one you talk about how isolating parenting is; on another you talk about your past three jobs being awful.

i mean…. You disagree?

so many wealthy elderly people living in misery

Madonna is almost 70 and she has a 29 year old boyfriend! Perhaps the ones you've mentioned above, just don't know how to use their money to make them happy?

Life is a gift! We should hold on to it for as long as you can. I'm not wealthy like Madonna (far from it) or quite so old (I'm 58) but I still find plenty of things that make me happy and give me joy. Sometimes, it is about changing your perception of things, looking for things that you enjoy and stimulate you, counting your blessings, making new friends, etc.

What were your MIL and DM like, say 10 years ago?

I find this to be a very passive approach. I’m in my late fifties and have no intention of living like my parents and in laws have in their old age, they’re all typical boomers and didn’t exercise, eat particularly well, drank alcohol regularly. Whilst I’m not trying to live a long life necessarily, I do want to live an active life for as long as possible so I do something about it. I exercise 4/5 times a week, eat well, and don’t drink, I don’t have aches and pains, I’ve lost weight not gained it. I also keep my mind active. By the time my mother was my age she was slowing down and believed that was normal, but you can choose something more positive and more fulfilling.

Sorry, I didn't even recognise your username or notice you. I think I'll revert back to my original ignorance

@SociableAtWork I agree, there are 1000s of elderly people being kept alive by medication with zero quality of life, many don't even know they are there. I think the pharm industry is laughing at us. Personally I think there should be something you could sign when young and mentally sound that states at a certain age you can be weaned off life extending medication, just left with pain relief. Similar to a will or DNR. You could specify by age or by condition, for example when I no longer respond to my name, when I cannot feed myself etc. The point being that you could die naturally with dignity when your time comes. Many people would never opt for this but for others it would give them a sense of control over their own destiny. Personally I would be much happier to reach old age knowing I will never be left in that condition for long.

I care for elderly & frail relatives - & have seen others die slowly over the past 10 years, with great pain - & the experience has made me conclude that after 80 the only medical treatments I personally will accept are painkillers, mouthcare, wound/injury treatment, & a short course of antibiotics. No statins, blood pressure meds etc.
No peg, no artificial feeding, no resuscitation, no clot busting drugs.
Also I have completed a legally binding (I hope) advance directive refusing everything I can - in terms of medical treatment & artificial feeding- once I no longer have mental capacity. (There are some things you are not allowed to refuse.)
I really do not want to be kept alive by heroic medical intervention after a stroke, speechless, incontinent bed bound & immobile, as a dear relative was.
I think the very frail are often kept alive by medical intervention in conditions of terrible misery & indignity largely to benefit the pharmaceutical industry and the share prices of corporate owners of old peoples’ homes (often private equity now). Not for their benefit at all.
My choice is to live as healthily as I can now, and take my chances. I hope to make it to late 80s in decent health; but if not, I don’t want to be kept semi-alive & suffering.

I'm sorry to hear this. My mother has medications which slow the advancement. I hope that you are responding well to the medication.

@hangerup it's got to be cheaper than paying for treatment to keep people alive, or paying out sickness benefits for many years.
I often wish we had assisted dying, I personally don't want to get old and unwell, I want control over my destiny

understandable
I didn’t post on the threads

I just recall thinking…. That poster sounds depressed

Yabu.
You can do a lot to live to an older age with a healthy body and brain. Keep fit and active, don't drink much at all and keep your brain working. Even when a heart attack / cancer etc does get you it'll put you in a better position to hopefully recover.

Do your financial and health power of attorney and if possibly future proof your house and lifestyle.

Can I cheer you up a bit Op?
i was feeling a bit unfit and overweight after the lockdown malarkey’s.
So, lost weight by, stopping being stupid, as I like to tell people, which meant no more Hagen Daz and cream cakes and reducing the size of meals… and eating fresh food.
Anyhow, not to brag, I’m not slim but not heavy either, clothes fit better, looser.
Last year I joined a gym, I lift weights, I go every 3rd day and have protein drink after, as per Ds instruction.
I walk my dog in the countryside, I read, I do Wordle and other puzzles every day without fail…
Im fit as a fiddle and I’m 77… life in the old dog yet. 🤣

I have an Advance Decision that says no antibiotics etc once I've lost capacity. Not even oral ones. I would like to be fit as a flea and amazing up to somewhere between 85 and 90 and then just wake up dead one morning.

I should be so lucky.

Ok, so your first thought to react to someone who is possibly depressed is to be horrible to them.

What on earth are you on about it?

I have read your other posts. You are horrible. Maybe sort yourself out first.