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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not want to live to an old age

287 replies

2sidesofcoins · 23/08/2025 16:47

Reading the eldery parents board it has filled me with dread for old age. It has so many wealthy elderly people living in misery, too old to enjoy life anymore, no matter how wealthy.
My generation won't see much of retirement as it's pushed up to 70. We have 2 working parents, a lot more stress, enviromental toxins and will see life expectancy reduce very soon.
But the altenative of having my brain die while I am live on is terrifying. I think I'll be refusing antibiotic treatment and going out with the old persons friend Pneumonia!
I'm mid forties and pissed off at all the age related shite already (Reading glasses, stiff joints, looming menopause, inability to lose weight!!)

OP posts:
Pryceosh1987 · 28/08/2025 23:43

LOL, that is life i am afraid, i would say that you could work out and try natural remedies to lessen the damage of older age.I have been doing this since i was young. Its good to brush teeth everyday to avoid losing all the teeth, well that is what google says.

Frogmarchpoodle · 28/08/2025 23:45

I wonder if Suella Braverman is on this thread. Some of these comments sound very like her.

Buxusmortus · 28/08/2025 23:45

OonaStubbs · 28/08/2025 23:19

To direct money and resources where they will be most effective.

You pay national insurance while you are working, and once you are retired you get a certain amount of years of NHS treatment. But then it stops.

So under your system a 79 year old alcoholic who's hardly ever worked and been on benefits most of their life would get treatment, but an 80 year old who worked all their life, kept fit and healthy wouldn't?
This is the problem with your eugenics-based approach, who is to decide who is more worthy of treatment?

SmallandSpanish · 29/08/2025 00:14

Returnofjude · 23/08/2025 17:34

Op…. Calm down

yes, we have been on the same very recent threads. In one you talk about how isolating parenting is; on another you talk about your past three jobs being awful.

i mean…. You disagree?

This is weird and vaguely stalker ish. And what does it have to do with the OPs question this time?

Cattenberg · 29/08/2025 00:42

Cynic17 · 23/08/2025 18:21

I'm not saying I won't be healthy. .. I haven't seen a doctor for over a decade. But why just go on and on and on? Better to just drop dead whilst still active, than go into a prolonged decline. If I'm not a taxpayer, then I'm not contributing anything, so it's all a bit pointless. We keep people alive for far too long these days, and death isn't the worst thing that can happen to a person.

I don't disagree with everything you've said, but I really don't like the idea that the only point of our lives is to live and pay taxes! Where is the well-earned retirement, the sense of freedom, the travel, the relaxation, the fun?

EvangelicalAboutButteredToast · 29/08/2025 06:22

Cattenberg · 29/08/2025 00:42

I don't disagree with everything you've said, but I really don't like the idea that the only point of our lives is to live and pay taxes! Where is the well-earned retirement, the sense of freedom, the travel, the relaxation, the fun?

Well according to the young people who keep popping up on the TV talking about the elderly and pension age, those things are a luxury that society can no longer fund.

Frogmarchpoodle · 29/08/2025 13:10

I suspect that some people on this thread are sympathetic to the idea that the point of let's say 95% of the population is to work. The state has an interest in funding the healthcare of those who are working. Once they are long term ill or disabled, or too old to work efficiently, they are no longer useful and should die. The 5% of the most wealthy people can afford to pay for private healthcare and are the only ones who will keep living despite illness, disability or old age.
I wonder how these people envisage things once AI has made vast numbers of healthy young people unemployed?

Tiredofwhataboutery · 29/08/2025 18:43

Frogmarchpoodle · 28/08/2025 23:43

That's barbaric. So if you're poor, your life is thrown on the scrap heap when you reach some arbitrary age. You could die of something easily cured, because you can't afford to see a private GP or to pay for antibiotics. You can't treat old people like that and call yourself civilised.

In lots of poorer countries the medical budget is directed at working adults to keep them productive. At some point we are going to have recognise that as a country we are skint and budget accordingly. The average 85 year old currently costs the NHS £13,000 per year this is not because they are having the odd GP visit and a course of antibiotics. It’s because a decent proportion of them are having hugely costly treatment.

Every 1 in 3 pounds of government spending is being spent on healthcare surely it’s unsustainable especially with an aging population. I’m not saying no healthcare for over 80s but that if a course of treatment is going to cost many thousands for someone who is statistically speaking on borrowed time then it’s not a good use of resources.

Frogmarchpoodle · 29/08/2025 18:59

@Tiredofwhataboutery That's interesting. Would you mind telling me where you got that figure of £13K per year spent on the average 85-year old? For what it's worth, ChatGPT has given me the figure of £7K.
Edited to say that that £7K figure is the average for people aged 85 and older, so that will cover all the centenarians.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 29/08/2025 19:17

SociableAtWork · 23/08/2025 17:13

I hear you and agree - having seen the rapid physical and mental decline of my old folks from about 75 - 80ish I really don’t want this for me, or for my own kids to have to deal with me when I’m like it. At 85 my own parents have lost all interest in everything and are disappointed each morning that they didn’t die in the night. They are literally just waiting for that and it’s heartbreaking for them.

It sounds awful and very uncaring of me but I do wonder why we keep old people alive when their quality of life is non-existent. People in constant pain, medicated, not aware of who they - or their loved ones - are, no real interest in eating or doing anything, exhausted, unable to move about safely etc etc. Unfortunately it just seems that old people (as above, who need a lot of care) are a money making racket. Some people are getting very rich at the expense of these elderly people and their families.

Improved medication and standard of living means pneumonia is no longer the old person’s friend. My dad is hospitalised at least once a winter with it, treated and discharged despite having a DNR.

I know it’s a privilege to get older and many people don’t, but once your physical and mental state mean you’re waiting to die I wish there was a humane and peaceful solution - it’s what I’d want.

A DNR only applies if the heart has stopped.

If a person still has capacity they can refuse hospital, drips, ABs, all the rest of the ‘striving to keep alive’ paraphernalia.

And they can add a paragraph to their Health and Welfare P of A to state in which circs they do NOT want any life saving or life prolonging treatments, in the event that they no longer have capacity, or for whatever reason cannot speak for themselves.
Having seen far too much of dementia, both dh and I have done this.

Mischance · 29/08/2025 19:25

I am a pensioner - and a mother and grandmother.

In the last 10 years I have:

  • watched my OH slowly dying, looked after him, nursed him, battled for his rights, had to find a nursing home for him, sat and watched him die in a paranoid state - he thought people were trying to kill him.
  • moved house on my own during covid in order to pay for the best nursing home.
  • endured covid whilst newly bereaved and unable to be with my loved ones.
  • Had a hip replacement that has never been a success - lots of endless pain.
  • had a prolapsed disc and needed surgery.
  • had cataracts removed and then needed further interventions.
  • had a heart attack - a bolt from the blue from this slim non-smoker and semi-vegetarian.
  • had a stent in my right coronary artery.
  • had a vast worsening of atrial fibrillation which has necessitated a pacemaker.
  • endured the miserable side effects of the manny drugs I now have to take.
  • endured living on my own with steadily worsening health.
  • watched many of the things that make my life meaningful drift away from me through ill health.
So I have every sympathy with the OP about not wanting to live to old age - and I am not even what might be considered old these days.

It is SHIT and I HATE IT!

Tiredofwhataboutery · 29/08/2025 19:59

Frogmarchpoodle · 29/08/2025 18:59

@Tiredofwhataboutery That's interesting. Would you mind telling me where you got that figure of £13K per year spent on the average 85-year old? For what it's worth, ChatGPT has given me the figure of £7K.
Edited to say that that £7K figure is the average for people aged 85 and older, so that will cover all the centenarians.

Edited

I got it from the bbc, healthcare costs, especially for the elderly have shot up, I think in 2020 it was much lower comparatively I think around £6000 per over 85 and I thought it was £8000 currently tbh so was surprised too. I do appreciate it includes the very elderly but I think my point stands on whether tens of thousands of pounds of treatment for a very elderly person is balanced out by the length their life may be extended for and the quality of that life.

https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/cwy7zvp5xrqo.amp

If money was no object then we should all have great medical care. Money is clearly an issue and I think we are all going to have to get used to a lower standard of care. That will disproportionately impact the elderly as they ( on average) use more medical care than the young. I am aware that I probably sound harsh

I don’t think we will be stopping gp appointments and antibiotics it’ll be for things that require long hospital stays, multiple surgeries, expensive cancer treatments. I do think it happens to an extent currently but I believe that’ll increase. In some ways surely being honest with patients and their families is better than stealth rationing, I’ve certainly seen it on here that people think their elderly relative was left on a trolly in A&E for hours till they died of a treatment/ diagnosis delayed till it was too late.

Two NHS staff members in a hospital.

How much is the NHS going to cost us? - BBC News

Spending on the NHS has been going up for decades and is set to rise further. BBC Verify has examined some of the key numbers.

https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/cwy7zvp5xrqo.amp

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