To confront DH over bingeing

[JaneEyre40]

No not alcohol, chocolate. I've found the remains of family sized chocolate bars that have been eaten in one sitting secretly by my DH, up to 2/3 a week. I wouldn't have a problem with this if it weren't in secret! He also complains about feeling unfit, wanting to get healthy but does nothing about it. Things are slightly stressful at home but not to the degree that you'd need a binge to ease it. Am I being unreasonable to bring it up and ask if he's ok? Not unreasonable being I do bring it up with him.

Yes I’ve seen lots of sizes of chocolate

which one is ‘family’ sized? How many people is a ‘family’

never seen chocolate marketed as family size…..oo maybe saying it to exaggerate the (non) issue

Fair enough

Mumsnet is absolutely nuts. Tattle et Al will be having a field day with this one if they find it.

Sounds like a 120g bar. Hes a grown man. It's chocolate.

Fuck me.

The 'only' thing that would help a guy who eats chocolate on the sly is drugs?! 😂😂😂🙄

Yes that's what I'm doing.

That's the point

Uh huh

Having read through your comments, my guess is that you manage the meals in the household and cook very healthily and it is not enough for him. If you suspect 3 a week, you have no evidence he eats a whole bar at once, he may just have a stash for when he feels peckish, and because he knows you would not approve, he hides it.
Most eating regimes allow treats as they accept people will fall off the wagon quickly if they are not allowed to indulge in what they love a few times a week.
I would have a conversation with him wether you reveal that you know he is buying chocolate and are happy for him to have treats like that but would prefer him not to hide it. Tell him that you know it is his choice and that you just want him to be healthy but understand that it is not for you to control his eating habits.

So like a 200g bar, you say the size doesn’t matter but there’s a difference between having a chocolate bar and bingeing on 10 bars.
I think I would mention the chocolate next time he moans about feeling unfit I’d just suggest cutting down on the chocolate bars and see if he denies how much he’s eating or if he’s secretive about them.

Oh My God I know! That's why I said the post about putting the wrappers in front of him is ridiculous.

Maybe don't guess and then you won't be wrong.

It was an exaggeration, but most people who binge and eat in secret are not going to be helped by shaming or whatever. The food reward pathways are already quite solidified by that point (again, assuming this is a real problem, since a chocolate bar a few times a week doesn’t really sound all that bad, although not ideal)

This is a very good post

Is eating a full chocolate bar considered ‘binge eating’ these days? 😳
If my partner ‘confronted’ me with my empty snack wrappers and asked what was going on I’d just laugh.

100% I think this poster nailed it. I do come from a home similar to that.

Your responses are so snippy, it speaks volumes

Good for you.

Only on MN, dont worry.

That I'm snippy? Yep. 😊

A bit harsh OP. I think people are only trying to help here, even if they’re wide of the mark!

Assuming I'm in charge of all household meals? What's that assumption adding to the conversation?

Many people are actually helping. Some are ridiculous.

You haven’t said whether he’s overweight or not… and if he is, whether he’s just a lil chonky or super morbidly obese

I’d just be really careful here, you don’t enjoy unhealthy foods. He does. Calling 2 bars of chocolate over a week binge eating shows what your attitude to the way he eats is.

Sometimes when people feel shit about themselves (unfit etc) and they are around people who they think might judge them, even if they don’t, they end up being secret eaters.

When you enjoy foods like that and someone says - oh I thought you were on a diet/eating healthy or oh do you really need that? You just learn to hide it from those people, it doesn’t make you stop.

I’d consider if your own attitude to food means he feels he has to secret eat due to his low self esteem. Overeating chocolate, maybe but I don’t think it’s fair to say binge eating

‘confronting’ is definitely not going to help. How about suggesting you get healthy together.. start by logging everything you eat on myfitnesspal or similar which makes you much more mindful. Weigh in together weekly etc.

My husband often comes home to me having eaten all of the chocolate in the house because I’ve been working at home and he gently teases me about it… I do feel ashamed and bad about my poor impulse control but it is hard to change habits without support.