To confront DH over bingeing

[JaneEyre40]

No not alcohol, chocolate. I've found the remains of family sized chocolate bars that have been eaten in one sitting secretly by my DH, up to 2/3 a week. I wouldn't have a problem with this if it weren't in secret! He also complains about feeling unfit, wanting to get healthy but does nothing about it. Things are slightly stressful at home but not to the degree that you'd need a binge to ease it. Am I being unreasonable to bring it up and ask if he's ok? Not unreasonable being I do bring it up with him.

Who is doing that?

I would be wondering they they feel the need to eat in secret.

Not really.

People binge on chocolate usually for emotional reasons. I do when I am stressed and lack any free time to de-stress in a more productive way.

Having someone put the wrappers in front of me and wanting a "discussion" about it is going to make me not want to talk, eat more and hide it better.

Could you not just have a heart to heart about how you are both feeling currently and work out ways to make how you feel better about life? AND DON'T MENTION THE WRAPPERS! Getting rid of the triggers is the only way to help.

I know I don't want to do that.

It’s so personal. What you eat. Why you eat. When you eat.
I’m having an ED relapse. I don’t want DH to know about it…

is it any worse than having biscuits with cups of tea?

.....you've missed the point. I am agreeing with you.

Well those share bar things if that what he’s having, are quite small

looked at those new Kit Kat ‘share’ bars and I could easily eat all that!

Encourage him to get out for a walk and to get more active generally. He'll likely be less likely to binge eat junk if he's feeling physically better.

Not being goady, but what is a family sized bar of chocolate? Like say, in grams?

Not Sure you are aware of what binge eating disorder. Here's some NHS info on it

https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/conditions/binge-eating/overview/

Let’s relax a bit, it’s a family sized chocolate bar a couple of times a week.

Hardly indicative of an eating disorder.

YABVU to bring it up.

He’s doing it in secret because he feels shame.
You bringing it up will make him feel more shame.
Which will lead to more binge eating.

You bringing it up will not do any good at all.

I would work on the stress at home and how this can be lessened.

I don’t know what your situation is or finances etc but think about things like giving each other more time to do hobbies or see friends and family without the other person.

If this is serious and his binging an actual
problem, you should get him on Ozempic
or an Ozempic-like substance. Can you get it if he’s not overweight? I used tirzepatide to self-treat PCOS (it worked) and found that food noise was gone too as a nice side effect. I do a low-dose now to keep these effects.

No..drugs? No.

You've never seen a large bar of chocolate?

The size is not the point of the post, it's the secrecy and feeling unfit and put of shape. It's probably 4 times the size of a single Cadbury dairy milk bar.

Very dismissive of the only thing that would actually help him. Ok.

(assuming this is a real problem)

But it’s not your job to manage his eating, or fitness levels.

If he wants to lose weight and get fit, he will do it himself.

If this is serious and his binging an actualproblem, you should get him on Ozempic

The Op didn't say he was obese

No need for the wows. You are making a mountain out of a mole hill.
yku sound like you want to be his savours over 2-3 choc bars. And perhaps if you did just have a laugh with him and call him a little piggy it might start a convo off rather than you needing the help of mumsnet to discuss talking about a few choc
bars.

This is my background too, coupled with my parents both being very controlling about food (down to counting out ten chocolate buttons, allowed only on Sunday as a special treat for pudding) and very judgemental about anyone overweight or seen eating more than they deemed appropriate.

As soon as I had access to shops I bought chocolate and ate it in secret, before that I stole baking ingredients if there was anything in the cupboard, or biscuits bought for visitors if there were any, pr just bread and butter. We always had enough to eat but no control and no chocolate of our own, under our own control (easter chocolate was displayed then removed and tiny amounts doled out after tea, and most used for baking without us children having any say - cake then which was then donated to church bake sales, or remaining chocolate eaten by our father).

100% he’s eating 2/3 large chocolate bars a week? That’s hardly binge eating territory. Have you ever encouraged him to eat healthy after he’s complained about being unfit? I would bet any money he’s embarrassed to eat it because he’s told you he wants to lose weight but has given up. I’d tread carefully

Where was he hiding the wrappers? Were they actually hidden or perhaps stuffed down side of sofa where he might have been sitting enjoying them and just didn't put wrappers in the bin? Either way I think it's madness that a man can't enjoy a bit of chocolate

@Kpo58 post is particularly pertinent and relevant. If the husband eating a few bars of chocolate a weak is going to be taken to task for it, he will just 'hide' the wrappers better or eat his chocolate outside the comfort of his home