To confront DH over bingeing

[JaneEyre40]

No not alcohol, chocolate. I've found the remains of family sized chocolate bars that have been eaten in one sitting secretly by my DH, up to 2/3 a week. I wouldn't have a problem with this if it weren't in secret! He also complains about feeling unfit, wanting to get healthy but does nothing about it. Things are slightly stressful at home but not to the degree that you'd need a binge to ease it. Am I being unreasonable to bring it up and ask if he's ok? Not unreasonable being I do bring it up with him.

I think you've done well to spot the issue. The question is what to do about it, and there are good sources of information and advice out there (the van Tulleken twins have interesting things to say, and I seem to remember Richard Osman struggled, too).

I wouldn't go in with both feet by suggesting healthy ideas, but I wouldn't drop hints either (worst of both worlds - you'll trigger the shame and embarrassment, but you'll also leave him in denial). Pick a quiet moment, and try something along the lines of "I'm worried that you might be struggling with binge eating, and if you are I want you to know that I will support you in any way you are comfortable with." He won't like it, mind, because nobody likes being made to confront their demons; but you will have got rid of the need for secrecy.

For your own peace of mind remember that you can do nothing else. Only he can.

How big is family sized? Do you mean the 100g bars or the really big ones?

Because there is sugar in milk……this makes it sound like half the bar is made up of table spoons of caster sugar

This is the worst advice.

The 55-60% sugar refers to free, ie added sugar and doesn’t include milk. It’s quite scary…

I disagree. I won’t go on the drugs because I know that (1) I have a BMI 28 so I could be risking far more by taking the drugs and (2) because when I’ve lost the weight and stop the drugs I will revert to emotional eating of chocolate. I am not prepared to take drugs for the rest of my life.

It would help me enormously if DH challenged me. He won’t - because he’s more overweight than I am. So I am doing my best by addressing the problem times - evenings. I got a TV for the bedroom so I am away from the kitchen, and I mark at work- my biggest danger time is marking.

I really love chocolate. I could and sometimes do eat several bars of chocolate a week. It's delicious. I don't see that as problematic. If anyone mentioned it I would laugh. But if you think he is bingeing, behaving in the way pp have described then surely the first step is to ask if anything is wrong.

Perhaps that could be the problem? If you are healthy and only eat a couple of squares of dark chocolate, he may feel uncomfortable eating sweets in front of you? He is an adult, and should be able to manage his food consumption regardless of what his partner eats, or does not eat.