To confront DH over bingeing

[JaneEyre40]

No not alcohol, chocolate. I've found the remains of family sized chocolate bars that have been eaten in one sitting secretly by my DH, up to 2/3 a week. I wouldn't have a problem with this if it weren't in secret! He also complains about feeling unfit, wanting to get healthy but does nothing about it. Things are slightly stressful at home but not to the degree that you'd need a binge to ease it. Am I being unreasonable to bring it up and ask if he's ok? Not unreasonable being I do bring it up with him.

Are you sure it's in secret?

I never have an audience when I eat a chocolate bar, but it's not hiding?

Thank god someone else was thinking this way. It’s not normal to be doing this all the time, for those size of bars is a lot. If it’s a one off then fine he was just in the mood and got carried away but if this happens occasionally to often he needs help and support…..but he has to realise there’s a problem first.

I’m highly intelligent, also morbidly obese and have historically eaten like your husband, although am on MJ which is the nearest thing to a “cure” I’ve found, as I don’t get a “hit” from food any more. Isn’t it almost like addictive behaviour has nothing to do with intellect?

I think speaking to him is OK. If it WAS alcohol , you’d do that too.

But, whilst I shouldn’t be surprised at the total ignorance being spouted by so many on this thread, it is still disappointing.

Addiction and disordered eating aren’t logical or related to intelligence. The cycle of guilt, shame and secrecy actually fuels more bingeing, so without understanding and support the behaviour tends to spiral. It doesn’t excuse it, but “confronting” him is unlikely to change anything.

Is this a one off or does he often hide food??? Is he overweight? As a stand alone incident I don’t think it’s that concerning tbh!
if however he is obese, and regularly hides food or eats in secret, or eats nothing but crap food, I think you’re reasonable to say something and insist on some action…

Yep 😊

Op…what are these ‘family size’ bars? Is chocolate marketed in that way?

how many grams?

Which ‘size bars’ are you talking about??

Don’t confront him with the wrappers Jesus. After my DD was born I used to eat big bars of Oreo chocolate in my car. I knew it was not healthy but I couldn’t stop. You can’t just shame him like a child.

Op…what are these ‘family size’ bars? Is chocolate marketed in that way?

I bet no more than 100g

Do you bet? How helpful.

I don’t know what OP terms “family size”, but the largest bar of cadbury’s in tesco is 360g and £5. It’s about a foot long and four inches wide.

I don’t know what OP terms “family size”, but the largest bar of cadbury’s in tesco is 360g and £5. It’s about a foot long and four inches wide.

@JaneEyre40 you have been asked repeatedly by lots of posters. Why not answer?

About the size of the fucking chocolate?

Well that's a good way of making matters worse and will only lead to him hiding the wrappers better.

To clarify what family size means?

People need to just ignore that post it's just filling the chat with irrelevance.

Well, you're not gon going to help him by confronting him (to use the wording in your title). Worth a conversation though in a non charged non accusatory way

That was unintentional to be honest. Not sure why I said confront as that's absolutely not what I want to do.

Maybe he's got the munchies!

There could be different reasons, he could be using it as a coping mechanism for something, stress/unhappiness etc and it has become a crutch which he is ashamed about.

OR it could have started as that and now he could just be in the midst of a full blown sugar addiction, once you start with sweet stuff the cravings are insane. I can go weeks and months without eating chocolate/sweet stuff and don't even think about it, but once I start having it again (usually over christmas, easter etc) the cravings and 'food noise' won't go away until you eat more, I actually liken sugar to a drug as I find it hinders you from making healthy choices and it also makes you tired and lethargic.. until you have your next hit, it starts a cycle that is hard to break and it really zaps your energy while you are stuck in that cycle, it's evil stuff.

You don't eat chocolate and sweet stuff so he is obviously ashamed about it, and you do sound a little judgy about him to be totally honest (probably for good reason but it is the opposite of helpful to someone secretly binging), I'm not sure the best way to approach it, the only way you could is to accept that it isn't just a conscious choice he is making, it is like any other thing that your body craves.

The only real way for him to stop is to stop having excess sugar altogether for a while and then the cravings should go away, but it can be really hard to break the habit.

'Eating ourselves into an early grave'? Unless he is super obese, this is ridiculous hyperbole. I wouldn't come on here for advice about this, though, OP. Far too many obsessive teeny tinies who think that even normal sized people are fat.

It's called a share bar on some packets, some will just say the name of the chocolate. They are in supermarkets and corner shops for about £1.50-£2

Because 'confronting' someone and collecting and displaying g chocolate wrappers to a loved one is exactly the way to address an eating disorder ...

OP you say you found “the remains”. Was that just the wrappers, or was there some chocolate left? Because binge eaters don’t leave “remains”.

I always make sure I tidy away all wrappers and crumbs after a binge so that it’s hard for anyone to challenge me. You don’t want to push him into a cycle of shame and secrecy about his eating.