Tradesman calling me 'mate'

[Pluvia]

I've been trying for the last few weeks to find someone to do garden clearance and some landscaping for me. Know it's a busy time of year for this trade but am happy to wait for the work to be done in October, if necessary.

In the past fortnight I've contacted seven different firms/ individuals. Called all of them, only one answered and wasn't interested. Followed all up with texts/ messages, left it a few days and tried again. I am polite and friendly.

Only one has contacted me and he's called me 'mate' throughout our conversations and messages, despite knowing my name. I am very clearly female. Doesn't seem to want me to know his name, which is a red flag, so I won't be using him. BUT is it usual these days, when tradespeople are communicating with a female client whose name they know, to call them mate? It feels really disrespectful. In the days, some years ago, when I worked for a big construction firm it wouldn't have been considered acceptable.

It wouldn't even occur to me to notice it.

Wouldn't even remotely bother me. Are you older, as in 60plus? I think that would be a bit of an odd way to address an older person.

I wouldn't like that he didn't want me to know his name, I'd find that dodgy.
I really wouldn't care about him calling me mate.

Sounds nice and friendly. I don't see why you being female would add to your unhappiness about this. The people I know who use "mate," use it towards men and women.

Who cares, and it’s safer than calling people ‘love’ these days. Not telling you his name is the red flag. Mate is just the way some people talk.

Do you want to be called Ma'am?

What’s being female got to do with it? Would you rather he called your darling or something?

It’s actually quite refreshing to hear of a tradesmen using “mate” indiscriminately rather than just using it for men and then calling women love or darling.

mate is at least gender neutral! I didn’t buy a car from a dealership as they responded to my enquiry by calling me flower!!!!!!!!!

Why is the fact your female important? Is it ok for him to call a male client mate?

I’d say he can’t be bothered to remember your name, but not just yours, everyone he works for, so he uses mate as a catch all.

It’s really hard to find trades people, but if you don’t like him don’t use him.

What is it with these gardeners and their coded names?
At least it wasn't "Young Lady" - that can lead to all sorts...

He replied to you didn't he? Which can be more than what is said for the others.

My name would do me.

He might be Australian. If he is then it’s a neutral term that’s not meant in an offensive way.

It’s a very common neutral term in England too

I call everyone mate. I say “hello mate” when I see friends,my daughters,my brother,my husband and even my grandchildren. If I have a delivery I say “thanks mate”. It’s something I do without thinking to men and women. What’s the problem? It’s a friendly greeting. You seem to think you deserve some kind of special treatment

"Excuse me my good man. I am a woman and therefore my sex based informal means of address should be Darling, My love or possibly some regional term of endearment such as Duck or Queen. Didn't they teach you anything at tradesman college?"

The mechanic who changed my clutch called me mate and took the time to show me what had gone wrong with it and explained it using the old part. He worked really late to get it back to me before a long trip. It wasn't a rude way to refer to me and had no bearing on his work. It's a generic, friendly colloquialism.

🙄

Mate is much better than love or darling. It's probably the only one I use myself occasionally.

Mate is very inoffensive and neutral though? Better than love, darling, petal etc.

To be fair, remembering clients names is probably a ballache, especially as you hadn’t even hired him yet! He must do loads of quotes that go nowhere so remembering everyone’s names might be nigh on impossible!

I'm old so been around for a long time - over the decades tradesmen have called me Westie, love, missus, darlin', madam, miss, all sorts of informal address!

But in all my years have never been called Mate! MN is the only place that I've seen women addressed as mate.

It has always been exclusively a male title throughout my life - nothing to do with manners, informality or age.

I live in the middle of London, move in wide circles, mix with various generations but have never heard a female being addressed as mate. Maybe someone can set me straight - sounds Australian to me!

To me it's as strange as a tradie addressing a male customer as Darling!

I get called 'mate' or 'pal' by tradespeople all the time, including those who do and those who don't know my name.

I feel vaguely irritated by it - just enough to contribute to a thread on it but not t0 actually START one. . I think I feel I'm being friend zoned by the mate-caller when they were never in ANY danger in the first place. 😅

And yes, I know I'm probably being unreasonable. But we all have our little peccadilloes.

He knows my name. I'd rather he just uses my name (my first name, nothing formal) than mate. Or maybe he can call me mate after he's used my name and acknowledged me as an individual and not some generic client. Hate it. It feels lazy, as if he just calls everyone mate all the time in order not to have to remember who we are.

Agree entirely with the 'love' and 'flower' examples: no way would I put up with that.

He's not Australian, by the way.

I don't see an issue with this at all.

I live in an area where a certain pet name is a common way to address people... again that doesn't bother me one bit.

I don't understand why you find this disrespectful?