Page 6 | Tradesman calling me 'mate'

Pluvia · 2025-08-23T13:40:54+00:00

I've been trying for the last few weeks to find someone to do garden clearance and some landscaping for me. Know it's a busy time of year for this trade but am happy to wait for the work to be done in October, if necessary. In the past fortnight I've contacted seven different firms/ individuals. Called all of them, only one answered and wasn't interested. Followed all up with texts/ messages, left it a few days and tried again. I am polite and friendly. Only one has contacted me and he's called me 'mate' throughout our conversations and messages, despite knowing my name. I am very clearly female. Doesn't seem to want me to know his name, which is a red flag, so I won't be using him. BUT is it usual these days, when tradespeople are communicating with a female client whose name they know, to call them mate? It feels really disrespectful. In the days, some years ago, when I worked for a big construction firm it wouldn't have been considered acceptable.

Oldglasses · 23/08/2025 16:02

My son calls me mate sometimes (he’s an adult). I know it’s not the same but I wouldn’t overthink it, it’s just a turn of phrase!

Bambamhoohoo · 23/08/2025 16:03

The weirdness of looking for “red flags” in the way trades treat you OMG. You’ve experienced how hard they are to get.

you reckon the should be reverent to you? (It feels “disrespectful”?) what do you want him to doff his cap and call you miss?

cariadlet · 23/08/2025 16:03

Pluvia · 23/08/2025 15:50

During our first conversation I said to him 'It would be good to know your name and what other work you've done' and he went straight into talking about projects he'd done — but not in enough detail for me to be able to identify any of them. At the end of the conversation I said 'I still don't know your name' and he said that could wait until he came round to do a recce for a quote. In a later text I said (among other things) 'Before we set up an appointment for you to come and look round, I really would like to know your name'. He's texted me a couple of times since then and I still don't know his name. The more I think about it, the mode dodgy it all sounds, doesn't it?

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This is the first post you have written in the whole thread where you come across as having reasonable concerns.

I don't get the angst about calling you mate but now you have shown that he was being evasive.
Tbh, you would have had far more sympathetic responses if you had made your op about his refusal to give you his name and included these details.

Freegrass · 23/08/2025 16:04

Bababear987 · 23/08/2025 16:01

I think the term mate screams unprofessional and uneducated. Just use peoples names or talk around them if you cant remember but mate just screams ass crack and cigarettes with no gcses.

I know exactly what you mean. The bloke who cleared my garden had a doctorate in applied physics and went to the Sorbonne.

Original poster

Pluvia · 23/08/2025 16:05

Anchorage56 · 23/08/2025 15:56

Ah and this is where we realise what the problem is. Oh dear OP 😬

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What's the problem? Wanting to know the name of someone who's going to have access to my house and garden?

OP posts:

mondaytosunday · 23/08/2025 16:05

No. I renovated my house three years ago (snd I used to flip houses about 7 years ago) and must have worked with a couple dozen different tradesmen and don’t recall anyone calling me ‘mate’. I was once called a ‘c#*t’ though!

Bambamhoohoo · 23/08/2025 16:05

Pluvia · 23/08/2025 15:50

During our first conversation I said to him 'It would be good to know your name and what other work you've done' and he went straight into talking about projects he'd done — but not in enough detail for me to be able to identify any of them. At the end of the conversation I said 'I still don't know your name' and he said that could wait until he came round to do a recce for a quote. In a later text I said (among other things) 'Before we set up an appointment for you to come and look round, I really would like to know your name'. He's texted me a couple of times since then and I still don't know his name. The more I think about it, the mode dodgy it all sounds, doesn't it?

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He doesn’t care what you think about knowing his name. Trades are busy and deal with loads of people. They don’t change their behaviour to adapt to what the customer wants. They are coming in to do manual labour and leave, move onto the next. Your expectations are unusual as is the way you’re looking for red flags based on his personality and not the more obvious checks ie check a trade, google review

ChristmasFluff · 23/08/2025 16:06

You don't want to be a 'generic client', but that's exactly what you are - except you are not even a client yet.

Supply and demand means he has less to lose than you do. Decline due to his prices if you wish, but ditching him cos he doesn't use your name is cutting off your nose to spite your face.

DiscoBob · 23/08/2025 16:06

I consider 'mate' to be unisex. Much rather that than 'love' or even 'madam'. I wouldn't really be bothered by 'mate' at all.

In fact I've probably used it when speaking to tradesmen, drivers or shopkeepers of either sex.

You need a gardener, I wouldn't be fussy over something like this as long as they had the tools and skills to do the job.

Millytante · 23/08/2025 16:07

Pluvia · 23/08/2025 15:50

During our first conversation I said to him 'It would be good to know your name and what other work you've done' and he went straight into talking about projects he'd done — but not in enough detail for me to be able to identify any of them. At the end of the conversation I said 'I still don't know your name' and he said that could wait until he came round to do a recce for a quote. In a later text I said (among other things) 'Before we set up an appointment for you to come and look round, I really would like to know your name'. He's texted me a couple of times since then and I still don't know his name. The more I think about it, the mode dodgy it all sounds, doesn't it?

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Oh no way; that’s a ‘yikes’ vibe too far.
Why the hell is he being so elusive? Given that the idea is for you to part with money, in your place I’d reverse pdq now, and let him go hang. This isn’t right.
Your landscaping is hardly of a critical nature, so enduring a bit more searching for a normal business basis ought not be too much at this stage.

Maybe The Pimpernel has sniffed out a bit of (time) desperation in you and is sussing out a few extra ££ angles, such as doubling his price after one day’s work, or insisting that your roof needs replacing immediately etc.
He’d be in too close proximity to your life for there to be any worries about trustworthiness, so word of mouth recommendations must be your first demand. Why would anyone entrust a costly project to an anonymous, untraceable stranger? He must be on happy pills.

Westfacing · 23/08/2025 16:07

PennywisePoundFoolish · 23/08/2025 15:58

He's 45, I don't think he was an avid Neighbours viewer, but his sister was. In the last 4 years he's got very into Masterchef Australia if that helps with your research 😂

We live in Essex, and it's always been used for both men and women in my particular neck of the woods.
Though as a teen, it was more common among girls to call each other babe 🙈

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Australian chefs and Essex... that explains it 😂

I'm Ok with babe... either sex, but perhaps best not between tradies and their clients!

Bambamhoohoo · 23/08/2025 16:07

Moveoverdarlin · 23/08/2025 15:57

He’s still not grasped the basics of social status. She’s a paying client, he wants her business.

He’s over familiar and unprofessional. Just use her name!

Morning Jane! I’m going to get started on the borders today. Thanks Pete, would you like a coffee before you get cracking?

Men with even a modicum of intelligence know you don’t call female clients mate. He’s lost the business because of it.

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“Social status” ie he’s working class and should know his place amongst the wannabe middle classes? 😉 who are, by the way, only getting their bloody garden landscaped?!

NoThanksNeeded · 23/08/2025 16:08

Bloody hell the middle class coming off this thread

"Calling you mate screams uneducated"

OK then

MorrisonsPlatter · 23/08/2025 16:09

Perhaps it's Capability.

NoThanksNeeded · 23/08/2025 16:09

Bambamhoohoo · 23/08/2025 16:07

“Social status” ie he’s working class and should know his place amongst the wannabe middle classes? 😉 who are, by the way, only getting their bloody garden landscaped?!

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Clearly

Because he's also apparently uneducated for using mate for everyone

NoThanksNeeded · 23/08/2025 16:10

Give us his company name and I bet it would take all of 5 minutes to find his name

Original poster

Pluvia · 23/08/2025 16:13

cariadlet · 23/08/2025 16:03

This is the first post you have written in the whole thread where you come across as having reasonable concerns.

I don't get the angst about calling you mate but now you have shown that he was being evasive.
Tbh, you would have had far more sympathetic responses if you had made your op about his refusal to give you his name and included these details.

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The mate thing — 'Hello mate' in response to my first text which I'd signed off 'Cheers, Jane', and 'mate' again instead of Jane in response to the text I sent him in reply (again signed off with my name to give him a hint) — stood out immediately. I was ready to dump him at that point, before he'd failed to give me his name at the second time of asking.

I actually wanted to know whether 'mate' was reasonable because I'll need to keep on looking for someone else. I booked a plasterer earlier in the year and he introduced himself to me by his name, shook my hand and asked how I would like him to address me. So it can be done.

OP posts:

Anchorage56 · 23/08/2025 16:16

Pluvia · 23/08/2025 16:13

The mate thing — 'Hello mate' in response to my first text which I'd signed off 'Cheers, Jane', and 'mate' again instead of Jane in response to the text I sent him in reply (again signed off with my name to give him a hint) — stood out immediately. I was ready to dump him at that point, before he'd failed to give me his name at the second time of asking.

I actually wanted to know whether 'mate' was reasonable because I'll need to keep on looking for someone else. I booked a plasterer earlier in the year and he introduced himself to me by his name, shook my hand and asked how I would like him to address me. So it can be done.

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Well hopefully going by the majority of responses you can at least grasp that mate is ok and nothing to get worked up over. If it still bothers you then just dont employ someone who uses that word.

Goody2ShoesAndTheFilthyBeast · 23/08/2025 16:17

Pluvia · 23/08/2025 15:50

During our first conversation I said to him 'It would be good to know your name and what other work you've done' and he went straight into talking about projects he'd done — but not in enough detail for me to be able to identify any of them. At the end of the conversation I said 'I still don't know your name' and he said that could wait until he came round to do a recce for a quote. In a later text I said (among other things) 'Before we set up an appointment for you to come and look round, I really would like to know your name'. He's texted me a couple of times since then and I still don't know his name. The more I think about it, the mode dodgy it all sounds, doesn't it?

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Yes. Very.

Bleachedlevis · 23/08/2025 16:18

itispersonal · 23/08/2025 14:47

mate is at least gender neutral! I didn’t buy a car from a dealership as they responded to my enquiry by calling me flower!!!!!!!!!

lol!

Original poster

Pluvia · 23/08/2025 16:18

Anchorage56 · 23/08/2025 16:16

Well hopefully going by the majority of responses you can at least grasp that mate is ok and nothing to get worked up over. If it still bothers you then just dont employ someone who uses that word.

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I won't.

OP posts:

Bambamhoohoo · 23/08/2025 16:18

Pluvia · 23/08/2025 16:13

The mate thing — 'Hello mate' in response to my first text which I'd signed off 'Cheers, Jane', and 'mate' again instead of Jane in response to the text I sent him in reply (again signed off with my name to give him a hint) — stood out immediately. I was ready to dump him at that point, before he'd failed to give me his name at the second time of asking.

I actually wanted to know whether 'mate' was reasonable because I'll need to keep on looking for someone else. I booked a plasterer earlier in the year and he introduced himself to me by his name, shook my hand and asked how I would like him to address me. So it can be done.

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Yes mate is reasonable.

the vast majority of trades won’t give a second thought to how you want to be spoken to or “serviced”- they couldn’t care less what you expect.

if you found one that suited you it’s just coincidence that your personalities aligned.

Boomer55 · 23/08/2025 16:19

Twistedfirestarters · 23/08/2025 14:45

Wouldn't even remotely bother me. Are you older, as in 60plus? I think that would be a bit of an odd way to address an older person.

I’m over 60, and mate and darling are regularly used here - London borders. 🤷‍♀️

MaidOfSteel · 23/08/2025 16:21

I’d hate it, too, IP. Very bad manners. Up here in Scotland it’s ‘pal’ instead of mate and I hate it.

Bambamhoohoo · 23/08/2025 16:21

NoThanksNeeded · 23/08/2025 16:09

Clearly

Because he's also apparently uneducated for using mate for everyone

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My best male friend (who is CFo of a large organisation so I would say educated) says he loves mate because it means when you forget people’s names you can use it and it allows you to still appear friendly and interested in them (which he is)