Tradesman calling me 'mate'

[Pluvia]

I've been trying for the last few weeks to find someone to do garden clearance and some landscaping for me. Know it's a busy time of year for this trade but am happy to wait for the work to be done in October, if necessary.

In the past fortnight I've contacted seven different firms/ individuals. Called all of them, only one answered and wasn't interested. Followed all up with texts/ messages, left it a few days and tried again. I am polite and friendly.

Only one has contacted me and he's called me 'mate' throughout our conversations and messages, despite knowing my name. I am very clearly female. Doesn't seem to want me to know his name, which is a red flag, so I won't be using him. BUT is it usual these days, when tradespeople are communicating with a female client whose name they know, to call them mate? It feels really disrespectful. In the days, some years ago, when I worked for a big construction firm it wouldn't have been considered acceptable.

If this is your biggest worry in life you’re a very lucky human, mate

I get called either Pal or Big Guy in Scotland - use a variety of tradies here and with the exception of electricians, they can call me darling as long as they do a good job.

Can't even believe you mentioned this

Can't even believe you mentioned this

Wouldn't really bother me if he called me 'mate'. But it WOULD bother me if he wouldn't tell me HIS name!

Lighten up love

My whole family use the word MATE.
Some people like to get offended over nothing nowdays.
Op un-clutch.

A few years ago whilst at the job centre, the male staff, that was dealing with my query, called me darling twice during my interaction with him. I felt very uncomfortable and thought it was inappropriate of him saying "darling" when in an official capacity.

Yes I completely empathise as I remember being just a young preschool age child & being in a Carpet Shop with my Beloved Mum, & the male shop assistant whom had never met us before, consistently kept calling my poor dear Mum "'Darling"' throughout the entire conversation
Although I was extremely young, I still remember how uncomfortable this made my Beloved Mum feel
💚🕊️💚

My gas man calls me mate at first I was taken aback but then I liked it! Much more comfortable than 'luv' or 'darlin'

How is being female relevant to being called mate? Honestly I don’t get the issue.

Storm in a teacup, mate. Just chillax.

A tradesman calling a prospective female customer ‘mate’ sounds weird and shows a lack of awareness of how to address people in different situations. And refusing to give his name? Weirdo! (Or maybe he is on benefits and working cash-in-hand on the side?) You are right not to contact him again.

Oof! Now that is an outrage, unlike this business with OP. I hope you indicated your displeasure, and in pretty haughty tones!

Mind you, sometimes one’s own habitual endearments and nicknames etc do slip out. I still turn scarlet when I recall addressing the very elevated director of an art gallery I worked in as ‘Sweetie’, in a hurried chat. I’m one of those awful women who might ‘sweetie’ and ‘dahling’ anyone I’m generally chatty with, but well within sensible bounds. The astonished look on this poor man’s face was priceless. (I was just overtired and sort of glazed, so it had slipped out under my radar)

Never been called mate. But as a 52 year old woman I hate being called 'pal' lol. I've also been called 'miss' which is a laugh as I've not been a miss for 29 years! Think it just shows a decline in manners really. If someone knows your first name they should use it.

I have customers call me “good girl”
I HATE it with a passion but there’s fuck all I can do about it
mate I don’t mind and also duck as I know that’s local. My grandad calls everyone cocker, male or female

Your cycles aren’t as wide as you think they are, as it’s not that unusual and at least gender neutral, better than “love”.

Not being willing to give his name is the odd part.

I guess the alternative would be "love" or "madam", which I would hate. "Mate" is pretty gender-neutral and also not too affectionate or over-the-top

I work in retail and get called all sorts by men snd women of all ages. One customer made me laugh the other day.. He addressed me as 'love' to begin with and then noticed my wedding ring and switched to 'mate'. I prefer the later as it's sort of easier. Though not offended by any name, as long as it is just a simple way of being friendly.

What about Matesse?

Nice French touch

Why does he not want you to know his name..Probably a cash in hand. no insurance waller. Sounds like a bit of a knob to me.

Lots of men like him who live near me. They make a go a good living out of the black economy because the so called qualified landscape gardners want £40 an hour to cut your privets and trim a tree.

They are in their thirties, kids at private schools, arrogant and so up themselves .It's a wonder they don't charge you a £150 call out charge as well..A la the plumbing trade

Exactly. He is not your mate, in any sense, shape or form. He wants to be your contractor. This 'mate' crap is all about 'I'm the same as you are, mate.' And that's deliberately blurring the line about who pays who and who works for who. Or whom, if you prefer.

"Mate" says "I'll do what I want, when I want, for how much I want, and you'll pay it. Mate." And as Kathryn Hepburn said, "You know how to whistle, don't you?"

And as Kathryn Hepburn said, "You know how to whistle, don't you?"

Lauren Bacall

Good luck in your hunt for a practical person with PC skills!

He doesn't really think they are friends. You're being very literal

And you're attitude comes across much more "He doesn't know his place as a lower class citizen" than anything else

No, my attitude is "he doesn't know how suppliers talk to their clients who are paying them." I've had it up to here with 'tradesmen' who need tools buying for them, then having to be shown how to use them, laying one row of tiles 10 feet long and calling it a day's work (no corners to tile), showing up at 10am, leaving to get 'supplies'at 10:30, returning at 2pm, knocking off at 4pm then saying the job's going to take longer while charging a day-rate, calling a step-ladder "an investment I can't justify" and having temper tantrums in my house until they are asked to leave when they are told there is no more work because my plans have changed (thanks to their uselessness). Maybe it's that one person alone, (which it wasn't), maybe it's Suffolk, with its queue of unqualified people pretending they're builders/decorators/tradespeople - the number of blown-up bricks where someone used cement mortar in a 300 year-old wall is astonishing here. In all of my businesses there was a way of talking to clients. It is not 'you're the same as me, mate, and I'll do what I want."
And..... relax.