Tradesman calling me 'mate'

[Pluvia]

I've been trying for the last few weeks to find someone to do garden clearance and some landscaping for me. Know it's a busy time of year for this trade but am happy to wait for the work to be done in October, if necessary.

In the past fortnight I've contacted seven different firms/ individuals. Called all of them, only one answered and wasn't interested. Followed all up with texts/ messages, left it a few days and tried again. I am polite and friendly.

Only one has contacted me and he's called me 'mate' throughout our conversations and messages, despite knowing my name. I am very clearly female. Doesn't seem to want me to know his name, which is a red flag, so I won't be using him. BUT is it usual these days, when tradespeople are communicating with a female client whose name they know, to call them mate? It feels really disrespectful. In the days, some years ago, when I worked for a big construction firm it wouldn't have been considered acceptable.

I had a police officer that would call me "mate" and it would really grate on me 😅 they know your name and it's not very professional - but I think that's the idea to make it more of a casual conversation.

Why is 'love' not ok? That's used a lot around here and I think its nice.

Surely if he is calling you " mate" then you are within your rights to ask for " mates rates" ??

I've been wondering that too.

Has the op specifically asked for his name and he has refused to tell her or is she messaging him on the firm's number and he just hasn't signed any messages with his name.

2 very different scenarios.

I'm offering work worth several grand. In all my communications, written and spoken, I use my name. He knows my name. Two conversations and several messages in and I'm still 'mate' while I have identified myself or signed off each time as Jane. I don't call him mate. I can't call him by his name because he hasn't given it to me.

I have to trust this man if I'm to get into a contract with him and give him my money. Continuing to call me mate all the time — not to acknowledge my individual name — does feel like a power game, yes. He's withholding information like this name and he's also withholding a basic fundamental gesture of respect by not using my name.

That would really bother me. I wouldn’t hire him either. Just illustrates he can’t judge a social situation. Fair enough call the bloke you vaguely know on the till at Screw Fix mate, but not a woman who you are giving a quote to.

I’d be very wary of someone who won’t give his full name and contact details. Calling you mate is very familiar for a potential client whom you have never met. Obviously from some of these replies it could be a regional thing but if your gut says he’s off then trust that.

Can you ask for reliable recommendations on Nextdoor or your local neighbourhood group?

And it's a weird one because if he didnt want her to know his name he could just make up a name. I wonder if the guy has just picked up on OPs attitude and doesnt want work from her so has deliberately been difficult.

I was 'chick' for a week when I had my bathroom done!
Honestly just made me laugh, he turned up & worked hard, that's what was important.

How old is your DH and did he grow up watching Neighbours? I fear this is an Aussie import! 😂

When addressing someone Mate is Male... my new mantra!

Totally agree. Have you said ‘Sorry, we’ve had all these conversations and I don’t even know your name? What is it?’

Just find another tradesman if you dont like this one 🤦‍♀️🤷‍♀️

Lol, hardly something that would kick me off.

I'm 62 and I get called "mate". It doesn't bother me in the least.

I wouldn’t bat an eyelid at a tradesperson calling me mate.

When I was a primary school teacher I had a parent of a child in my class who called me mate. I was a bit taken aback to start with (every other parent called me Mrs CountryGirl) but decided to let it go because it wasn’t said in any sort of derogatory tone, he was a lovely parent and supportive of his child and the school, and that was how he spoke to everyone. I had much bigger things to worry about!

It feels lazy, as if he just calls everyone mate all the time in order not to have to remember who we are

Don't be silly. I call all my kids mate ‘hey mate, can you take out the garbage, thx’, and have done since their mid teens. I know my own kids names. I call all of their friends mate ‘nice to see you again, mate, how have you been?’. I have known them for decades now and know all their names. I call strangers mate ‘thanks mate’. I am also called mate often, it’s normal. You would really hate it here (Australia), and we would also hate you here if you carried on like that😁.

Have you asked for his name and he refused?

We had some work done by someone who called me "Doc". I wondered how he knew because I'd not mentioned my job until I realised he was calling me "Duck".

I’ve had a couple of tradesmen call me mate recently and it made me wonder if it’s becoming more common to use it with women. It doesn’t bother me from a gender perspective - if a man would call another man ‘mate’ then I would probably expect him to do the same with me. ‘Mate’ isn’t a form of address that I particularly like though. I think it’s probably because I’ve heard it used passive-aggressively too many times. Also, I’m quite a black-and-white thinker, and my logical brain just goes ‘but I’m not your mate!’ I do, of course, realise that it’s just a form of address and they don’t mean this!

I call everyone mate

I actually like it, it's much more respectful than "love" or "sweetheart" or all the other things that tradesmen often use in place of women's names! It's respectful in that it's gender neutral. And it's friendly without going down the "love/sweetheart" route.

Same, I work in construction and it’s always ‘pal’. I think I’d prefer to be addressed as ‘love’ than pal!

You’re being ridiculous.
My DDs call eachother/their female friends mate - seems to be normal amongst youngsters these days

How do you get through life being quite so sensitive OP?

I kept thinking of Line of Duty when reading this post too! The use of "mate" was really obvious in it, and a bit forced. Unusual to hear a woman saying it, I thought. Line of Duty was in a non-specific place, we thought probably some where in the midlands. Is the midlands the home of "mate" usage?
If the OP was in Glasgow she'd very likely have been called "hen" by the landscaper, in Newcastle it would be "pet." I think it's a regional thing which has no offensive intent.