Tradesman calling me 'mate'

[Pluvia]

I've been trying for the last few weeks to find someone to do garden clearance and some landscaping for me. Know it's a busy time of year for this trade but am happy to wait for the work to be done in October, if necessary.

In the past fortnight I've contacted seven different firms/ individuals. Called all of them, only one answered and wasn't interested. Followed all up with texts/ messages, left it a few days and tried again. I am polite and friendly.

Only one has contacted me and he's called me 'mate' throughout our conversations and messages, despite knowing my name. I am very clearly female. Doesn't seem to want me to know his name, which is a red flag, so I won't be using him. BUT is it usual these days, when tradespeople are communicating with a female client whose name they know, to call them mate? It feels really disrespectful. In the days, some years ago, when I worked for a big construction firm it wouldn't have been considered acceptable.

It is weird to refuse to give his name. I couldn't get animated by the use of mate particularly.

Op are you maybe an older lady, with a set view on etiquette? I see nothing wrong with calling someone mate, it’s just informal, but I know multiple older women who would take issue so it could be generational.

My husband has a tendency to call people he knows well mate . After a particularly brain frazzling day working from home he managed to says thanks mate when I bought him a cup of tea , should I get my ducks in a row now .
Seriously I’ve had all sorts of people call me mate , really doesn’t bother me , I probably talk to approx 50 people face to face in an average day at work , quite often I forget their names as I’m sure they do mine, and a polite generic term really doesn’t do any harm .

You could be waiting awhile. Often with tradespeople it’s quality of the workmanship that’s key, if you have certain unwritten rules on how you need to be addressed, you may struggle to ever get the work done.

God, only on Mumsnet 🙄

No, I've just been through the same with gardeners. Say they will call you back but never do. These people should remember how desperate they were for clients, when they started out. As soon as they start with "I'm really busy.." I know where it's going.

I hate to labour the point but it's use of the word mate that's new to me (apart from on MN!) when addressing a woman.

Duck, hen, me duck, princess, god knows what else but someone please tell me when women started to be addressed as mate! 😀

This reminds me of a friend who came back from the bar clutching his pint and saying, "He called me 'Bro'! I'm not his brother!".
He seemed genuinely to have not come across this before.

Goodness gracious what's wrong with you. Get a grip.

Calling me mate wouldn't bother me

I always hate it when sales/trades people use my name too much! It feels like they're trying to falsely create some over familiarity.

It seems like both me and OP are happy with use of our name and "mate" sparingly, just not exclusive use of either of them so I guess that's the sweet spot!

No wanting you to know their name seems odd though. The only reason I can think of is so you can't google them, so seems like they have something to hide!

I wouldn't mind being called pet because I understand it as a polite endearment. The 'mate' thing feels off. I have plenty of confidence in my worth — which is why I'm going to keep looking for someone who'll call me by my name and tell me his. Whoever does the work is going to have to spend quite a bit of time in my garden and probably the house, too.

Would you prefer darling or sweetheart? Them terms make me feel sick and feel really patronising. Mate is fine.

See previous responses.

Calling someone "mate" feels like a power play? That is seriously weird. it's perfectly normal. You need to get out more!

I work in retail. I am called anything from 'honey' through 'love' to 'oy !' and 'mate' falls somewhere on that continuum. I used to worry that I was being mistaken for a man (that has also happened), but it seems to be a verbal tic from some men, who call absolutely everyone 'mate'. It does not bother me at all, it's just the way some people address others.

I wouldn't let it bother you, OP.

Whereabouts in England is it neutral?

I'm all for informality but in Liverpool and London mate is male!

Oh, I need a lie down 😂

Even if he refuses to give her name?

It’s not friendly, it’s unprofessional and bloody condensing. You’re not his mate. You’re a potential client and should be treated as such, what’s wrong with your name? Imagine if you called him ‘sweetie’ it’s just inappropriate and not the done thing.

I despise the term mate. I went on a date years ago and said something along the lines of ‘Oh I had a nightmare day, missed the train then massive drama at work’ and he replied ‘Awww mate’. Massive ick. Never saw him again.

I hope you're not in any hurry. You've contacted 7 firms so far and most of them didn't bother to get back to you.
If you discount any who do get back but use casual, friendly terms to address you, then it could be a very long wait.

My 60 year old female colleague calls me mate. It's normal where she's from. I take no offence to it.

Would you prefer darling or sweetheart? Them terms make me feel sick and feel really patronising. Mate is fine.
Blimey don't come to my home town in the North!
Virtually everyone calls you 'love' ' darling' 'sweetheart' 'cock' 'cockers' etc
No offence meant to anyone.

I used to work in operating theatres and one of the surgeons called me 'mate' once. I didn't mind. I prefer it to 'pal', which one of the managers at a place I used to work called everyone. For some reason that annoyed me! Both knew my name and had used it on other occasions.

Thinking about it,if you came to Cambridge and carried on like this,everyone would be calling you something far worse than mate

I feel really happy for you. Your life must be so void of actual stress and worries for this to annoy you

I'm intrigued how he declined to tell you his name. Was it

OP: what's your name
Tradesmate: I decline to say.