Tradesman calling me 'mate'

[Pluvia]

I've been trying for the last few weeks to find someone to do garden clearance and some landscaping for me. Know it's a busy time of year for this trade but am happy to wait for the work to be done in October, if necessary.

In the past fortnight I've contacted seven different firms/ individuals. Called all of them, only one answered and wasn't interested. Followed all up with texts/ messages, left it a few days and tried again. I am polite and friendly.

Only one has contacted me and he's called me 'mate' throughout our conversations and messages, despite knowing my name. I am very clearly female. Doesn't seem to want me to know his name, which is a red flag, so I won't be using him. BUT is it usual these days, when tradespeople are communicating with a female client whose name they know, to call them mate? It feels really disrespectful. In the days, some years ago, when I worked for a big construction firm it wouldn't have been considered acceptable.

Our (female) manager called our collective team guys or chaps and we were a 50% M/F team. To the best of my knowledge no-one objected or complained.

When I was little, the coalman (remember them?) called all the housewives Dorris.
I remember asking my mum why he did that and she said it was just his way of as he could not remember all his customers names.

😂

I actually quite like it 😆

I really couldn't give a toss if someone calls me mate. I have real problems and not enough free time to be navel gazing, inventing reasons to be offended.

Him refusing to give his name would, like you, mean I would not use him. I would assume he wants to ensure you cant Google him before you commit to using him.

It would leave me cold similarly if the nauseating word guys is used. My carpenter called me by my first name because that is what I sign off emails with after my initial first name surname email. He called my DM Mrs surname when he did a job for her.

To be fair, she wants him to do some landscaping, not host a dinner party with her. Not sure how much social interaction there really needs to be, other than "please weed these flowerbeds and cut the grass." "Okay mate."

🙈 Christ on a bike! Mate is MILES better than

love
darling
sweet
petal
lovely
Hun

During our first conversation I said to him 'It would be good to know your name and what other work you've done' and he went straight into talking about projects he'd done — but not in enough detail for me to be able to identify any of them. At the end of the conversation I said 'I still don't know your name' and he said that could wait until he came round to do a recce for a quote. In a later text I said (among other things) 'Before we set up an appointment for you to come and look round, I really would like to know your name'. He's texted me a couple of times since then and I still don't know his name. The more I think about it, the mode dodgy it all sounds, doesn't it?

How do you actually cope in the real world if a man calling you mate is a "power play"?

I get fed up with emails being addressed to me as. ‘Hi surname’. No Mr/Ms just my surname as if I was at a boy’s snobby prep school.
That being said a famous car firm, which I had bought my car from, kept sending information about new cars me, to Mr. surname. When I complained the man said he didn’t see the problem so I called him Mrs. surname, he was shocked.
If business want your money they should respect your wishes.

I also can't imagine someone being so cagey about their name when you already know their company... hardly like its a secret

That's alarm bells. You've asked multiple times and he's avoiding it for some reason..
Normally you would just sign off a text with your name to a new person. How bizarre.
Has he got any social media of his work?

He's going to have to be in and out of my house, possibly for a couple of weeks. Using my loo, presumably expecting to come into the house to have a cup of tea and discussing the job every now and again.

Why on earth would a I pay an unknown man to host a dinner party for me? What kind of life do you lead???

I get emails from Amazon to "Hey, Mrs." No surname. DH was a military officer and has an MBE. He got letters addressed to Mr Mbe.

This.

Less offensive than calling you Love. (Although this is used for either sex in some parts of the country by some generations.)

I'm M and get called mate in Screwfix - even though my name is on the till and it's visually fairly obvious that I'm not a tradesman.

Wouldn't bother be in the slightest, I'm from London where it's a standard term of address. I use it myself tbh.

Ah and this is where we realise what the problem is. Oh dear OP 😬

He’s still not grasped the basics of social status. She’s a paying client, he wants her business.

He’s over familiar and unprofessional. Just use her name!

Morning Jane! I’m going to get started on the borders today. Thanks Pete, would you like a coffee before you get cracking?

Men with even a modicum of intelligence know you don’t call female clients mate. He’s lost the business because of it.

He's 45, I don't think he was an avid Neighbours viewer, but his sister was. In the last 4 years he's got very into Masterchef Australia if that helps with your research 😂

We live in Essex, and it's always been used for both men and women in my particular neck of the woods.
Though as a teen, it was more common among girls to call each other babe 🙈

He has a website under a trading name. It doesn't give his name.

Wouldn’t even register with me. I wouldn’t have any issue with it.

Use of the others you’ve contacted instead…..

Oh hang on 🤔

I think the term mate screams unprofessional and uneducated. Just use peoples names or talk around them if you cant remember but mate just screams ass crack and cigarettes with no gcses.

Thank you. You get it. Why do so many people not get it?