To think single mothers are judged harshly because deep down society still thinks kids need fathers more than mothers admit?

[ByFirmTealViewer]

The way single mums get talked about is brutal. AIBU to think it’s because people still believe kids fundamentally need fathers, even if no one says it out loud?

You said it wouldn't ever happen. And we must live in different societies as I hear absent fathers being judged more harshly than present single mothers.

That is really encouraging to hear, @Anchorage56 - I hope the attitude spreads!

It probably is widespread it's just people with a loud mouth are probably heard more. And these loud mouths probably just spout off any bitter nonsense. Dont listen to it.

Wow! I hope that catches on. It would be bloody amazing.

Do you live in Britain?

Yes and no. We wouldn't have the term deadbeat dad if we thought it was ok for dads to abandon their offspring. Although to be fair it's a fairly recent descriptor.

I don't think women give up on their men too early but I think women need to know that single motherhood is always going to be a struggle and they shouldn't expect it will be easy and just accept it unless the guy is a particularly useless, abusive or whatever kind of man. Try and make it work, for the kids sake, thats most people's hope probably..

Do you honestly think women don’t know that single parenthood is extremely tough?

They do need fathers though or if not a father, at least a father figure. Girls benefit but boys benefit hugely in particular.

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC10666570/

There’s a few decent academic papers on it, that’s an open access one. So yeah, it is important and that isn’t to shit on single mums. It doesn’t have to be the bio dad but grandad, uncle, family friend, even a football coach or similar.

Looking back on it the amount of shit and disapproval I got from the partners of friends after I split up from my ex was unreal. It was all about his rights.

Most women are not deserted. They throw the men out.

My point was that in discussions on child poverty on media a single mum is normally who is introduced explaining her costs (and she is usually working on a not particularly well paid job) but the father isn’t mentioned - surely they should come up somewhere in the interview - has he died, is he refusing to pay maintenance etc etc but, as if he never existed he isn’t even mentioned.
i don’t see how interviews can inform us to see how the gov can draw up plans on better and fairer welfare if they act as though fathers are irrelevant/ don’t exist.

Nah - it’s just a means to coerce women into remaining with terrible men meaning men can keep their partners no matter how they act.

@FedAndWatered well yes, unfortunately I do think some women don't think it through properly. Of course we don't know what goes on in other people's relationships..I just think the prospect of possibly raising a child/ children alone for 18 years is something we don't want people rushing into and in a way women have been sold the idea that it'll all be fine when it will actually be so, so much harder than if there were two parents to shoulder the load.

This is the coercion I was talking about.

It’s rare a woman makes a decision to leave lightly. And for many many many women apart from money being tighter, their lives become a lot easier.

@JHound. If the lives of single women become easier when they are single, that's great. I hope that's true. I don't think this is the full picture though.

What do you mean by your last sentence? It is most definitely true for me.

Maybe we should do a vote on that? Would you believe it then? Or would you then try to invalidate the outcome if it didn't suit your agenda?

@Cloverforeveri don't have a vested interest..Feel free to post any such survey

(Oops - please ignore)

I didn't say you had a vested interest.

I did ask a question though, which you failed to answer.

I think children do need both parents in their life. I judge the parent that doesn't step up to the responsibility, which is usually the man, not a single mother.

I'm not sure you'll get a reply since that poster posted that comment 8 months ago. How do you even find a thread this old?
ZOMBIE THREAD

I think all women get judged due to misogyny but definitely single mothers.

I believe kids absolutely need decent fathers and I’m more than happy to say that out loud, I didn’t even realise that was a controversial thing to suggest. I wish men would pull up their socks and start to develop emotionally as a sex, some men are great but many are really severely lacking in this aspect of development.

I don’t think it’s true that people don’t judge the fathers. In my 20s I did a period of online dating and was shocked by the number of single men who were fathers to young kids. I definitely judged them. Not a chance would I date a man who had kids and then left within a couple of years.

I think it’s misogyny. That they blame the one they can see with the kids, rather than the absent one. Or that they think the woman sleeps around or tried to trick a man into having kids. It’s always the woman’s responsibility.

Possibly because the men’s behaviour is so shit that there is no other realistic option?