To think single mothers are judged harshly because deep down society still thinks kids need fathers more than mothers admit?

[ByFirmTealViewer]

The way single mums get talked about is brutal. AIBU to think it’s because people still believe kids fundamentally need fathers, even if no one says it out loud?

I think it’s because misogyny.

I think it's because men will always find a way to blame women for their own shitty behaviour.

It is misogyny I agree

If that was the case though op...then surely they'd judge the fathers more than the mothers?

I agree with a pp...it's misogyny.

I judge the fathers who left their offspring far more harshly than single mothers. Single mothers have my total respect ✊

The first post nailed it.

Yes, end of.

I think the judgement is far harsher towards those single Mums low down on the socioeconomic scale.

Im not sure how that makes it better OP. Not much the mother left holding the baby can do about that.

I think most people believe that kids benefit from having fathers, the better they are the greater the benefit. So I don't get the "still" as though this is an outdated view

I think the harsh judgement is a mix of misogyny, classism and racism (a WC or POC single mother is judged more harshly then a professional MC one), and religious morality

YANBU, and then that judgemental section of society, mired in misogyny, blames those mothers rather than the men who sire kids but don’t then behave as responsible fathers.

I think it’s both, misogyny absolutely plays a part but the ‘kids need a dad’ belief still seems to underpin a lot of the harshness directed at mums in particular.

Single mothers are castigated, but who is condemning the men who have deserted their child? Misogyny is right.

Agree

I admire them for being the stronger person and better parent.

But I judge them for shitty taste in men if it was apparent from the onset that their choice was an obvious pitiful loser. I am a pragmatist and can't understand dreamers, or women who can't bare the thought of being alone to the extent that they will stay with, and reproduce with, a clear lame duck.

No, I think society just judges women harshly in general. If they "didn't keep their man" it's added on to why they are 2nd class citizens. Most men and women know that it's usually women do most of the childcare and know more about their children than fathers. Men would rather do other things and men know this.

Blaming women for their ‘poor taste’ in men, rather than blaming the men for being poor quality men, is problematic.

This makes zero sense, if that was the case people would hold deadbeat dads waaay more accountable instead of just shrugging their shoulders about them and blaming the parent who does care for the child.

Not for me

But where does that leave the single mums who would still dearly love to be with the father of their child but said father has decided to 'pursue other paths', shall we say?

Particularly when the said dad goes on to create many more children. His friends seem to sit by cheering them on and telling them they pay too much in child support IME.

I think some people in society still judge single mothers because they still blame her for the discontinuation of the relationship, they think she wasn't a " good enough " woman to keep the important man happy, that she didn't give him enough sex, cook or clean enough.... all those female only labours.
Or that SHE chose a bad man and there it is her own fault she's single and therefore singularly responsible for her and her children's circumstances and should therefore receive no help.

Exactly, it’s telling how much harsher the spotlight is on mothers. Fathers often disappear from the narrative entirely, which is part of the double standard.

You must be a man then.

It’s because most people know that the best (admittedly not only, but best) environment to raise a child is with a mother and a father who are married to one another.

it’s just viewed as “a bit too conservative” to say it.