To be annoyed mum has cancelled sleepover last minute

[itispersonal]

dd was to have a sleepover at ours with a friend. Friend was meant to come over today between 12.30 to 1.30 just had a message from dd friend to say she’s had an argument with her mum and now she’s grounded and phone being taken off.

AIBU to be annoyed. Dd is ASC so has been waiting since waking up for friend to come over. Friend could have already been here. Snacks are already brought and plans had been made.

If friend has been in an argument with her mum, surely the consequence should be after this arrangement due to cancelling it so late and not let dd down.

How old are your DD and her friend?

I’d be furious, so unfair on your dd and teaches her daughter that loyalty is not important.

12! Both good children with normal amount of teen attitude

Your DD will need to learn that sometimes unexpected and disappointing things happen, through no fault of hers.

Hmm I’d say at 12, it’s pretty fair enough. What else is she meant to do?

See I think it’s good parenting by the other parent- you don’t do the wrong thing then get a treat or fun night out. It 100% sucks for your DD but just remind her she did nothing wrong and you will reorganise for asap

Yes but I still think it’s a shitty thing for the parent to do when she should have already been here. ASC or not!

I hate it when parents do this, it’s like they are not bright enough to realise/don’t care that this punishes the other child too!

Her alternative is to let the daughter come over though and then the poor behaviour is reinforced positively

But you’re not just punishing your child but others! things have brought and plans paid for for today!

Poor behaviour shouldn’t be reinforced but others should not be made to suffer the effects of that punishment

Plus it seems slightly an overreaction for an argument at 12! I mean where is the wiggle room

@SaltAirAndTheRust or you let her have the sleepover and have a punishment for after the plans.

Its difficult obviously it isn't fair on you need your DD (especially this kate as you can't invite someone else thos late presumably?) But depending on what tge other teen had done, allowing them to attend is the wrong thing for that child. Sleepover attendance is a privilege not a right.

But that’s not how reinforcement works - delaying it just makes her think the behaviour was okay

I wouldn't be curtailing my own parenting for someone else.

Is the parent aware you have paid for activities for their child?

The mother is teaching her child that it’s ok to let people down. Not a very good lesson. I would be very annoyed too. Has the mum apologised to you?

I think this is fair enough, tbh. It’s up to parents how they want to discipline their children. Children also need to grow up realising plans change.

I wouldn’t be letting my child go to a sleepover if they had been behaving terribly.

I'd be annoyed too. Your poor DD.

I think it's bloody rude to mess about another family and another mum that has spent money to host your child. Im all for consequences, but they should not impact on other people in this way.

I hate this, it is selfish and melodramatic behaviour.

I think the other parent has done the right thing tbh, I wouldn’t be rewarding bad behaviour with a sleepover.

No phone & being grounded is a totally fine punishment, and it would defeat the point if she was allowed to go have a lovely evening at a sleepover.

I'd let the other parent know you had paid for plans.

am I the only one that thinks cancelling a sleepover for an argument (if that is what it was) is a overreaction- where can you go.

they are 12 it is just the start and coming down hard like this now over an argument…

I would have had an alternative equally unpleasant punishment - I think its incredibly rude to let someone else down at such short notice & would not want my DC getting the idea it was ok to do that.