To be annoyed mum has cancelled sleepover last minute

[itispersonal]

dd was to have a sleepover at ours with a friend. Friend was meant to come over today between 12.30 to 1.30 just had a message from dd friend to say she’s had an argument with her mum and now she’s grounded and phone being taken off.

AIBU to be annoyed. Dd is ASC so has been waiting since waking up for friend to come over. Friend could have already been here. Snacks are already brought and plans had been made.

If friend has been in an argument with her mum, surely the consequence should be after this arrangement due to cancelling it so late and not let dd down.

You really live a sad little life, dont you?

Why would wont you just leave it?

She's not on trial here you know.

Move on!

Get a life

How have you arranged the aleep
over for her daughter then? Surely no parent lets their 12year old sleep over at a friends house when they don’t know the parents without speaking to them and having a contact number in case of emergency?

I agree she's correct. Instead of being annoyed, I'd be supportive.
I'd tell my daughter her friend has been out of line and actions have consequences...
Good lesson for both.

Get a life. Here comes the usual nastiness of mn

My mother never grounded us.
She’d want us out of her sight!

Pot and kettle!

The irony...

Can you and the 50,000 other people who didn't read the OP's posts please stop derailing?

1. the kids organised it themselves
2. the plan was to meet the parent(s) and exchange phone numbers at drop off

You may not like that approach for yourself but it's been done to death now, surely??!

I wasn’t nasty

i find it weird that op wouldn’t be bothered her dd staying the night with a family she doesn’t know

or happy to have a girl from a family she doesn’t know stay

why is that nasty ?

That's fine as long as you accept the repercussions of cancelling. If friends stop inviting your child over because you let them down. That's down to you and absolutely fine.

I totally agree with you OP. It’s so disrespectful to you and your DD. I’ve nothing against “punishing” a child who has misbehaved but it should be something that doesn’t impact on others.

I agree- I have mentioned this. No one has addressed the point to my knowledge about how bothered they would feel.

Once this happened to my child once I would be exceedingly wary about inviting them again. Like another poster said when it happened to her, she just encouraged her child to invite other children instead. No one wants to see their child upset and makes sense to just not take the risk of it happening again which clearly, the other parent would do in a heartbeat. I suppose you could argue being ostracised by your friends for the crime of not tidying your room is good discipline but seems extreme to me.

So you would allow your daughter to get get away with anything so she can attend a sleepover? Storm in a teacup 🙄

I haven't read the entire threat, but most posts I see think the other mum did the right thing.
I want to disagree, my parents didn't punish my by punishing others, if I had plans I was allowed to keep them (if cancelling would affect the other party) , but not make new ones for a set time. Although, I was barely grounded, my parents chose other punishments.
I was one of the most disciplined of my friends and I never disrespected my parents. This rule was allowed because I know my actions still had consequences. Consequences don't need to be immediate, in my opinion, to be effective.

Anyway OP, I think you are right, but honestly, most parents (including me in future I'm sure) in the heat of the moment would say 'sleepover cancelled' and then you can't back down once you've set the punishment.

Yes, thats exactly what she said 🤣

You may find there are quite a few of the same very vocal posters saying the same thing

Is there another friend/ cousin she can ask?

I agree the mum shouldn’t have cancelled. It would have been good for them to be apart and have time to cool off and perhaps when the girl went home they could have a sensible talk about what happened. This sort of punishment breeds resentment and I’m not sure it’s the best approach for a nearly teenager. It’s also a punishment for the mum who now has to put up with her all night.

Disagree.
I would assume the girl was playing up, refusing to get ready to come to yours so the parent just said ‘that’s it you’re not going!’

What?! No the parent is teaching the child that you don’t get to nice things if you’re disrespectful. Next time this child is doing something nice she’ll think twice about playing up.
negative behaviours need consequences. What would be the point in saying ‘oh you can still go today and have a lovely time - but I’ll punish you next week!’

Christ!

There are some big mountains out of molehills being built on this page!

When it happened to my sons as a kids ( it happened few times over the years ) We just said 'something has happened and ' so and sos' mum said he can't come over tonight.' No problem. We carried on with our evening.

I didn't stress over it, my kids didn't stress over it and the lads that didn't come over for what ever misdemeanor they had done are truly over it without any trauma as they are all great fantastic young adults who we still socialise with.

I certainly didn't see it as my child being punished and they had the sense to realise they weren't being punished.
People are so dramatic describing themselves as being furious if this happened. I'd hate something serious to happen if this is a reaction to an inconvenience! 😆
Some people really need to get a grip.

Extreme?...🙄

Oh ffs get over it...her child, her decision on punishment, yes your dd is also let down but hey! "its very much a first world problem"

YANBU - I'd find that so rude! DD is also 12 with ASC. She had a friend from our hometown come for a week in the holidays. Similar thing happened, friend had a typical tween argument with her mum.

Friends mum and I have been friends years, she asked me to keep friends phone for 3 days and ban Roblox for the same amount of time.

If anything, it was probably a worse punishment than grounding because friend was embarrassed I knew about her behaviour prior to coming here, and was also aware she was the reason her and DD couldn't play Roblox together.

I felt like that punishment was a good balance. Enough of an embarrassing inconvenience to make a point, but also didn't affect anyone else negatively