To be annoyed mum has cancelled sleepover last minute

[itispersonal]

dd was to have a sleepover at ours with a friend. Friend was meant to come over today between 12.30 to 1.30 just had a message from dd friend to say she’s had an argument with her mum and now she’s grounded and phone being taken off.

AIBU to be annoyed. Dd is ASC so has been waiting since waking up for friend to come over. Friend could have already been here. Snacks are already brought and plans had been made.

If friend has been in an argument with her mum, surely the consequence should be after this arrangement due to cancelling it so late and not let dd down.

Wow this is unexpectedly divisive.

Of course you do not teach your child to let others down. We had this a few times by the same family and stopped inviting them, as they were teaching a total lack of consideration for others.

Oddly this then manifested later in life the same children would flake or cancel on a whim. Didn’t turn up for parties etc - because they were not parented properly from the beginning.

If you are issuing punishments then choose something that doesn’t hurt and upset other people. I am sure people have the wherewithal to be more be creative than simply grounding and letting people down. Wash the car, clean the bathroom, write a heartfelt apology etc.

They are not punishing your child FFS.
They are dealing with their own child in an appropriate manner.

I would be annoyed but would know I was being ridiculous. My daughter is autistic as well so needs a plan and gets very, very geared up for things. When things change last minute it’s really tricky BUT that’s for us to work on, it’s no one else’s responsibility. She’s parenting in a difficult situation as well so your daughter’s challenges are secondary in her life. I have to always remember that my daughter is only the main character in my life, no one else’s.

my daughter had a sleepover cancelled last minute as her friend’s mum got tickets to a gig. She offered to bring my daughter as well but she didn’t want to go (she hates crowds and noise). I was sad that my daughter didn’t have her fun night but I didn’t blame anyone (she asked beforehand and my daughter said it was fine - she masks hard for most people!)

I agree with others.
Very poor parenting that the mother hasn't been in touch.
Who allows a child go to a strangers house to stay at 12?
Very inappropriate.

Why -the same happened when she had her birthday sleepover! Dd asked friends, parents brought them over. Didn’t get numbers of parents!

I’ve dropped dd over at friends and not gone in to meet the parents! It’s not usual round here

No it's not. She can think of a different punishment that only punishes the wrong doer and doesn't let other people down.

You have absolutely no idea what the invited girl has done to get grounded. It could be something substantial that deserves immediate grounding. Be more empathetic to the other mother, she may be struggling with this girl.

OP has already said the parents don’t even have each others numbers to get in touch.

I agree with you to a certain extent, but once DD was so horribly behaved I did cancel a sleepover last minute. She seriously crossed a line. However, I had the other mum’s number and called her and explained and apologised profusely. We haven’t had to do it again.

It’s not about the ASC part- dd isnt bothered by change of routine! It’s more the disappointment of friends cancelling last minute! Which is annoying for me (and maybe my issue) and disappointing for dd.

But we have asked another friend and off out with them now! But I can still be annoyed.

Erm, no. Your sleepover 'arrangement' is not more important than another parent doing what is needed for her own child.

Surely the bigger punishment would be to not let her go to the fun thing she had planned, which the mum has done

I don't know what I'm more shocked at, the fact that you do it or the fact that you think it's completely normal. Its absolutely nuts.

I get your DD being disappointed but in all fairness you have no idea what the other child has done or what’s led to the mum cancelling the sleepover. She absolutely should apologise as should her DD but that doesn’t mean she shouldn’t parent her child for fear of upsetting you or your DD. I agree that a child that age has the ability to comprehend a delayed punishment but sometimes parenting requires immediate action. I’m sorry your DD was upset, if it was mine I’d just explain that sometimes these things happen and do something fun with her for the afternoon.

I wonder if the child has behaved in such an unregulated way the other Mum thinks she wouldn't behave at your house, I can also imagine part of the punishment was a text to say you aren't going to your friend before phone is taken away..maybe some drama about getting ready to go hence the timescales. I wouldn't have predicted this would have a financial impact if it had been me.
Sorry it happened 🌷

I agree with you.

This

Why is it!
They know where their child is, as they dropped them off.
Child has a phone for emergency to and from parent.

how does knowing the parents number make it any more safe or unsafe!

In the unlikely scenario the child had an accident or was ill, they might not be able to access their phone. Thats why at least a contact number is normal.

For safety it would be best to have each others numbers and checked about allergies etc..in a face to face conversation - protecting all involved

Safeguarding your ASC child for a start. You don't know who or what lives in the house with parents you don't know and think it's fine to let your 12 yo daughter stay there.

Starting to think this isn't real.

No, the mother is teaching her child that poor actions have consequences. Its a shame a few more parents don't do the same!

Honestly if you think it's a good idea to leave your autistic daughter in a house with people you don't know without even speaking to the parents then nothing I say will change your mind. Its spectacularly bad parenting though.

Her mother is probably not thinking beyond her daughger being punished. For teens sleepovers usually take no pre planning.

My friend’s dad used to do that to her when I was little. I used to wait by the window for her to arrive and once she was due and didn’t arrive and I was waiting and eventually she called and said he had been grounded and so couldn’t come. I remember crying terribly I was so disappointed. My mum remembers that day vividly as I do and it was 35 years ago!

it is immensely cruel and you have the right to be very angry about it!