To make a 20+ year old share a bedroom?

[Pinkycloud]

I have 4 dc (20 ds, 19 dd, 13 dd, 11 ds). 4 bed house so one room for us and three for kids. For years the youngest two shared. Now youngest is in with us on sofa bed, but this needs to stop. The two girls can’t share, it would literally make all our lives a misery. I think the boys should share but eldest ds not happy and I can see his point. Or do I get youngest two to share again, even though different sex? Or do we spend £20k on garage conversion to get extra room?! Help!

Garage
You chose to have a big family. They had no say in it. I shared a room until 18 and hated it.

Does the 20yo need a quiet space to study or is he out in the workforce? Actually, how long does he plan on staying, because your youngest is going to need that quiet study space very soon. That would be my main concern with them sharing at being at different life stages.

This makes more sense than the two sons sharing.

The OP says the two daughters "can't" share but doesn't explain why

It would be nice if the OP came back and answered some of the many questions PPs have raised in an effort to provide helpful and tailored information.

Do it anyway it suits your family. Don't start world war 3 about beds

I shared with my DSiS and we had bunk beds until she left for uni when she was 18. My parents then bought me a single which had a pull out truckle underneath, which DSiS used when she visited. After my brother left I got a room fully to myself year round and DSiS and DBr shared the other room when they visited. Apart from Christmas they rarely visited at the same time. Which looking back was sensible. There is nothing wrong with sharing with family. Though in your situation I would consider a loft or a garage conversion if you can afford it. And I would make sure that any child that needs it has a quiet, comfortable table or desk to study at for exams.

Male 20yr old and 11yr old would be my last choice, that’s quite a large gap.

Can the two girls share as closer in age? I know not ideal, maybe a diving wall or one of those bed furniture configurations that split a room in two? I am sure you have already thought of this but have you a spare room that could be a bedroom for now?

Either spend the money. Or give up your room and have a sofa bed in livingroom for u & hubby. None of them can share at their ages.

Are your older two working and paying rent? If so, they deserve their own room if they are paying their way. Your oldest two are adults and can’t be expected to share a room with a child. Your youngest two are too old to share as they are different sexes. None of your children are in a position to share a room. If you can afford the garage conversion I’d go ahead and make the arrangements.

Another alternative is for one of your adult children to leave home and get a house share. They would have to want that otherwise they will resent you and feel pushed out.

It's not that long ago that whole families would sleep in one room, sometimes with the whole family in one bed.

The girls should share!

My sister is 6 years older than me and we shared a bedroom until she moved out of home. No issues.

We're allowed to move on with the times. Just because this was the norm at a certain point in time, doesn't mean we can't strive to improve living conditions. We didn't have antibiotics at one point, but I'm glad we have improved in the field of medicine.

She has two children. There are two adults there.

if OP has money spare, she could give them a deposit for a flat to rent. But there are no details about whether the 20 year old is working or not, and whether they're planning to move out.

"You can’t mix sexes, so you’re going to have to get the conversion if you’re expecting the eldest two to stay at home for any meaningful length of time."

The OP hasn't given information about what the two oldest are planning to do within the next year or two. If they are starting/are at uni, or work a full time job, they might be able to find a flat-share... If they go to Uni in another city, there's no need to keep a room available at home (I lost mine the day I moved out to Uni 600 km away).

I wouldn't plan with their longtime stay at home. My kid is 17, and we're renting a very expensive place (close to her school and my work, back when). I have already mentioned to her that we will move out when she's finished school in two years. If she moves far away to Uni I will get a one person flat with a guest room. Otherwise we will have to discuss whether it wouldn't be more practical to have a flat share in the Uni town instead of a room at home in the village and missing out on all the fun.

If they will be there long term and you can afford it I’d convert the garage. If they won’t &/or you can’t afford it then I’d consider making 2 teeny rooms out of the biggest bedroom for the older ones to share (it’s their turn). If that won’t work then I would look at girls share a room that’s mainly youngest’s room, boys share a room that’s mainly youngest’s room and other bedroom is a living space the two older ones can use. So basically eldest two can have a space to stay up later & hang out but can have beds in with the younger ones. You could even have a sofa bed in the shared space so they could take turns to get a private space to sleep. They are old enough to negotiate some kind of schedule with it.

Convert the garage.

I don't think it's comparable to medical advances. Sharing a bedroom isn't really a hindrance, it's just less nice and convenient than having your own. It's not TB.

@Pinkycloud whats the issue with the girls sharing?
Because it doesn't seem right for a 20yo to be sharing with 11yo.

Or not ideal put the two oldest together.
They are both adult enough to respect each other's privacy and they are both likely to be out late etc rather than one of them coming in disturbing the younger children's sleep.

Idealy theyd all have their own rooms but we don't always live in an ideal world.

It's just an example of moving on with the times. Just because 100 years ago we had 10 sharing one room doesn't mean we need to do the same today. We've got more choices etc... perfectly reasonable to compare it to antibiotics. If someone has an infection, we don't have to just leave it and hope it runs it's course, we have the option to treat it with antibiotics.

We don't have to do it but if OP has 2 adults and 4 children living in a 4 bedroom house, she does have to do have 2 children share a room. There is no alternative.

I would split a room and put the 2 oldest in there. They are old enough to move out so shouldn’t have the best set up. You and DH, as well as the 2 younger children deserve proper rooms. The 2 oldest are at an age that they don’t have to live at home. It’s their choice to stay at home and they will have accept that there is always a bed for them, but that they won’t necessarily have their own space.

Except there is...she can do a conversion if she can afford it. That's my point. She doesn't necessarily have to have inappropriate room sharing.

19 & 20 year old are surely planning to move out? They should either be studying or working but aiming for independence?