Page 7 | To make a 20+ year old share a bedroom?

Pinkycloud · 2025-08-22T07:07:15+00:00

I have 4 dc (20 ds, 19 dd, 13 dd, 11 ds). 4 bed house so one room for us and three for kids. For years the youngest two shared. Now youngest is in with us on sofa bed, but this needs to stop. The two girls can’t share, it would literally make all our lives a misery. I think the boys should share but eldest ds not happy and I can see his point. Or do I get youngest two to share again, even though different sex? Or do we spend £20k on garage conversion to get extra room?! Help!

PensionedCruiser · 22/08/2025 11:57

Firstsuggestions · 22/08/2025 08:28

Going against the grain to say people can share rooms including an oldest and youngest. This idea of it's vital that everyone has their own room is very modern. Obviously just a few generations ago families were bigger, houses smaller and everyone bunked in and made it work. It's not ideal for those sharing to have such a large age gap but if that's the way it has to be then grand. They are sharing with family and have a roof over their head.

You owe your child a roof over their head and a safe, loving space and some privacy but not a dedicated bedroom in perpetuity.

This. It's not so long ago that same sex siblings were expected to share a bed - 3 to a double.

OonaStubbs · 22/08/2025 12:13

I always shared a bedroom at home. I don't know why it's suddenly become "unacceptable".

Glowingup · 22/08/2025 12:20

Didshejustsaythatoutloud · 22/08/2025 09:38

in theory, yup 😂
Reality, nope
2 hormonal girls, not gonna work

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Are you “hormonal” at 19? I wasn’t. Why is 20 and 11 really bad to share but not 19 and 13?

Glowingup · 22/08/2025 12:27

beAsensible1 · 22/08/2025 11:10

The girls should share a room as close in age.

spending £20k because they can’t rub along amicably is madness. Unless you can afford it then crack on.

is a 6 year age gap really “close in age”? The ones who are genuinely close in age are the older two and the younger two.

usedtobeaylis · 22/08/2025 12:30

Mh67 · 22/08/2025 11:39

Sofa bed in living room for parents each kid one room each

Fucking hell 😅

Cakeandusername · 22/08/2025 12:31

What are plans of 2 eldest? If they are only home a few months as at uni or working ft and planning to move out then it affects decision.

Cucy · 22/08/2025 12:32

The girls need to share.

It is not fair that because the boys are better behaved that they get 'punished' for sharing.

Is the 20yo or 19yo planning on going to uni? Because that would make things a lot easier.

If they are not planning on uni, then perhaps its an idea to either convert the front room into your bedroom or do the garage.

I always had to share and it just is what it is, I don't think its cruel etc but you also chose to have 4 kids with a large age gap and so I don't think its fair that the older two get punished because of it.

Mildorado · 22/08/2025 12:33

usedtobeaylis · 22/08/2025 12:30

Fucking hell 😅

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My thoughts exactly! 😂

Minxny · 22/08/2025 12:33

rainbowstardrops · 22/08/2025 11:40

I seem to recall that thread too. If it’s not the same one, it’s very similar.

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ohhh. If it's that one I think there were some extra complications. Hopefully it's not - OP's been quite clear and has not mentioned steps.

usedtobeaylis · 22/08/2025 12:34

Cucy · 22/08/2025 12:32

The girls need to share.

It is not fair that because the boys are better behaved that they get 'punished' for sharing.

Is the 20yo or 19yo planning on going to uni? Because that would make things a lot easier.

If they are not planning on uni, then perhaps its an idea to either convert the front room into your bedroom or do the garage.

I always had to share and it just is what it is, I don't think its cruel etc but you also chose to have 4 kids with a large age gap and so I don't think its fair that the older two get punished because of it.

Why should the girls be 'punished' and made to share? Why is it even a 'punishment' at all?

Overtheway · 22/08/2025 12:36

The two girls are closer in age so it makes most sense for them to share really. If the issue is just general sibling arguments, I'd just make it very clear to both that you won't tolerate it.

But if there's another issue (SEN, poor mental health etc.), it's better for the boys to share, despite the large age gap, than to put two children of the opposite sex together during puberty. I don't imagine either would feel particularly comfortable with that arrangement.

Although I would never advocate threatening to kick young adults out of the house, both of your eldest children can choose to leave if the living arrangements don't suit them.

rainbowstardrops · 22/08/2025 12:37

Minxny · 22/08/2025 12:33

ohhh. If it's that one I think there were some extra complications. Hopefully it's not - OP's been quite clear and has not mentioned steps.

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Well OP hasn’t been back yet, so maybe we’ll never know! 😁

Jok77 · 22/08/2025 12:37

You shouldn't have girl/boy siblings sharing once the youngest is 10+
I would give the 2 girls the biggest room, creating some sort of division- maybe Kalax units from IKEA or have a plasterboard wall built. If you can afford the £20k extension, do that- when eldest leaves home, you then have another reception room.

Hoardasauruskaren · 22/08/2025 12:38

EnjoyingTheArmoire · 22/08/2025 08:41

It really depends on what your 20yo and 19yo are doing, and what their plans are for the next year or two.

I disagree that making (eg) oldest and youngest share is a good solution as your adult children require privacy and will keep very different hours to their school based siblings. It's just not fair to either of them.

I'd be putting parents on a sofa bed or similar in the living room, and giving the kids a room each in the interim whilst you figure out a more permanent solution.

One of my school friends did this so she didn’t have to share with her brother in a 2 bed house. They kept their clothes in the girls room as it was the biggest. Not ideal
but it can work for a few years till one if them moves out.

take10yearsofmylife · 22/08/2025 12:40

That's difficult one! I might face the same issue soon! If I can't afford to move, these are my options:

Build some sort of small living space in the garden

Garage conversion

Loft conversion

ClassicalQueen · 22/08/2025 12:41

Convert the garage, it’s not appropriate for a 20 year old to share a room with an 11 year old.

betsy99 · 22/08/2025 12:42

Cucy · 22/08/2025 12:32

The girls need to share.

It is not fair that because the boys are better behaved that they get 'punished' for sharing.

Is the 20yo or 19yo planning on going to uni? Because that would make things a lot easier.

If they are not planning on uni, then perhaps its an idea to either convert the front room into your bedroom or do the garage.

I always had to share and it just is what it is, I don't think its cruel etc but you also chose to have 4 kids with a large age gap and so I don't think its fair that the older two get punished because of it.

The youngest dd has been sharing for years if you read the op but has finally got her own space, now is expected to share again.

Outnumbered83 · 22/08/2025 12:43

I find it hilarious that so many seem to think a 20 year old will be moving out soon or has options if they don’t like it. Maybe in 1980, not in London in 2025.
my almost 19 year old will be starting uni next month, he will be staying at home as his uni is only a tube ride away.
I cannot imagine expecting him to share with his 9 year old sibling. They are worlds apart.
I also have two other children, the youngest being 1. I’m currently looking at an extension to accommodate them all as realistically I know they will not be moving out for quite some time and I’d hate to make them feel as though they do not have a place at home.
if you can afford to extend, then do so. If not, partition the biggest room for two of your kids.

LakieLady · 22/08/2025 12:46

£20k for a garage conversion seems like a lot, tbh.

My builder BIL has just done one for £12k, and it includes an en suite shower room.

Clarabell77 · 22/08/2025 12:47

Firstsuggestions · 22/08/2025 08:28

Going against the grain to say people can share rooms including an oldest and youngest. This idea of it's vital that everyone has their own room is very modern. Obviously just a few generations ago families were bigger, houses smaller and everyone bunked in and made it work. It's not ideal for those sharing to have such a large age gap but if that's the way it has to be then grand. They are sharing with family and have a roof over their head.

You owe your child a roof over their head and a safe, loving space and some privacy but not a dedicated bedroom in perpetuity.

I totally agree. I know people who shared with more than one sibling. I shared with my younger sibling myself until I was 16, we have a 7 year age gap. Hated it at the time but survived!

The only thing is we have so much more “stuff” these days.

JillMW · 22/08/2025 12:52

Blushingm · 22/08/2025 08:46

DP had his garage converted last year and it was only £5k - garage door removed, window installed, plastered and sockets plus a radiator

Did that pass building regulations? I thought it had to be insulated. It will be freezing cold

Cucy · 22/08/2025 12:58

betsy99 · 22/08/2025 12:42

The youngest dd has been sharing for years if you read the op but has finally got her own space, now is expected to share again.

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That's because the two youngest are different sexes and so there comes a time when they cannot share with each other.

It is not fair to make the older 2 share with siblings with such a big age gap.

TalkToTheHand123 · 22/08/2025 13:04

Get a bigger house. Simple.

Smoggy1 · 22/08/2025 13:05

latetothefisting · 22/08/2025 11:17

Sadly these days unless you have a partner it’s pretty much impossible to save for a deposit.
No it's not. Depends on where in the country you are. Working full time, even at only minimum wage is £25k once 21. Take home = approx £21500. If you're living at home you should easily be able to save £4k out of that and still have more than 80% of your salary left) and if you put it in a h2b LISA you get an extra £1000 from the govt. 5 years of £5k = £25k = 10% deposit on £250,000. There aren't many places (particularly outside of the SE) where you can't get a 1bed flat for that. Or even just save half of that or take twice as long and it's still a 5% deposit which is fine for most mortgages.

OP, is the 19 year old away at uni? If so, it makes most sense for the two girls to share.
No it doesn't? If he's away at uni then the room will be empty most of the time so it makes more sense for him and his brother to share because they won't actually be sharing most of the time. In your scenario DS2 would have his own room, DD1 & 2 would be sharing and DS1s room would be sitting empty most of the year, that's ridiculous.

OP I think the garage conversion is the way to go, (unless there's a dining room or the biggest room can be split into 2 or something) with either the 2 boys or the 2 girls sharing until then. It's really unfair for an 11 year old to still be sharing with his parents, so you need to do something. You also can't make the 2 youngest share now they've reached puberty. I can appreciate why DS1 is unhappy but honestly, tough luck. He's an adult and has had years of his own room. His siblings don't deserve less than him just because they came after. I'd also say 'tough luck' to the 2 girls sharing 'making everyone's lives a misery' but in fairness to DD2 she had to share a room with her brother for years.

I think it's fair you prioritise the younger 2, particularly DS2 now. The oldest 2 are adults and have had the luxury of their own rooms for years. They have options if they aren't happy with the living situation you can offer them, the younger two don't.

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Someone on £25k won't be able to get a mortgage of £225k (which is what you would need with a £25k 10% deposit). I got a mortgage of £114k, which maxed me out, put down a 5% deposit, on a salary of £28k. And that was a few years ago, before interest rates shot up. In a lot of the country, you don't get a lot for £100k. Possibly nothing (or maybe a parking space). Isn't the average house price now above £300k? In most of the country, you'll probably need two average-ish salaries (in permanent jobs) to buy a starter home.

DramaLlamacchiato · 22/08/2025 13:06

What a terrible arrangement. If you were 20 would you want to share with an 11 year old?

You don’t have a big enough house for all these kids. I’d convert the garage if you can.