ADHD toddler and future

[ForLovingTealSheep]

I am at my lowest point in life and I have dealt with pretty bad stuff like cancer but this is eating me up bit by bit everyday . My 2.5 year old who’s that child who doesn’t do circle time or sit in group toddler ever and the older she gets the more difficult it becomes . I have posted many times and every time I have been told that I have Munchausen by proxy until I see my daughter being the only one out of 20 to not sit still for activities at groups and talking all the time .

We don’t have a family history of adhd and we have a total of 4 siblings between me and my partner’s family . Apart from group settings she is strong willed but generally well behaved and always follow instructions to a tee including sitting for meals at home . Sleeps 16 hours a day and eat a good diet . She is not impulsive and for her age I believe she had a good attention span around 6 to 8 minutes per activity but that’s important I guess as I have heard lots of adhd kids can focus well .

All I want to know will she have a relatively independent life and will I ever be able to go to a restaurant with her in the future without having to get up every single time or a simple coffee .

Is this the real problem? That you don't feel properly connected to her and are looking for reasons?

My second did not sit like the first. She was a runner and a whirlwind. But now a very calm 7 year old.

At this age all you can do is watch and wait. Becoming totally fixated on it achieves nothing.

Yes.

I find it a little insulting that you think we shouldn't tbh. What did you think ADHD is exactly?!

Your daughter sounds like a very normal 2.5 year old. Give it a rest.

She is 2.5 and wants to enjoy her own amusement. She isn't interested in sitting down and doing group activities. That is fine! She doesn't want to follow the crowd. That is something to admire. She sleeps well, eats and sits at the table! She sounds like a good girl. My 2.5 year old does not do those 3 things but will sit down in a group setting. Depending on if it actually interests her. I have no worries about her.

Please stop stressing and accept her for who she is.

You mention circle time, going out for coffee and going to Italy. Try taking her outside instead or doing lower key things. I didn’t even go to a day nursery til age 3. I don’t remember having to ever sit down at it.

That's a LOT of daytime sleep for a 2.5 yo... Mind does around 1.5 total and nearly 3.

To everyone who thinks I am mistreating her you couldn’t be more wrong . I engage with her and play together on a day to day basis , always make sure she gets nutritious food as I know it is important , always take her out and if she gets overwhelmed we leave or find a quiet place to calm down . If she gets into one of her moods I try to reason with her if not I leave for five minutes ( always in the house ) . My issue is I never thought that my journey of motherhood would be so isolating that going out for a coffee becomes an ordeal for my child or what other moms take for granted I don’t have with my child and I am not asking for the moon

Most 2.5 year olds are not fans of 'going for coffee'...it's hardly aimed at them is it.

You didn't have to book tickets to come home early. Most adults would have gently dealt with this in a relaxed manner and the child would have eventually seen there was nothing to worry about and starting building a relationship with her grandparents.

OP your child is on tenderhooks around you. Your stress is transmitting to her. She knows on some level you think something isnt right with her, and she will be internalizing that message.

To be clear-

You are messing up your child.
Get help before its too late.

The average 2 year old isn’t enjoying restaurants and coffee shops. It’s why parents pick child friendly places like pubs with a play area or have their coffee as a takeaway.

I remember feeling like my kid was the only one having tantrums in the middle of Tesco but every other 2 year old isn’t in the shop when I am so I don’t see it.

Kids who can’t sit still for a story aren’t going to events where they are expected to sit still for a story. They are doing other stuff that makes them happy and confident.

I’m willing to bet that your dd knows that you are anxious about this and it makes her more wriggly and fidgety.

The way I thought adhd and add manifest is that it is a disability and children with ADHD display these symptoms often and across multiple settings . In Italy for a diagnosis symptoms must impair the child’s functioning / executive skills in at least 2 settings like school and home .

yet I have come across lots of parents who’s child is adhd but can focus well on what they like and not impulsive and can sit nicely but just finds schoolwork a chore and that’s it .

Um, most ADHD children ARE NOT disabled. It's difference. There are a myriad ways to be different.

Why are you trying to go for a coffee with a 2.5 year old? What’s your expectation, that she will sit quietly in a cafe? My 4 year old can just about do it but it’s not enjoyable for anyone, I’d rather get a coffee to go and go for a walk on the beach with the kids or to the park or whatever. Nothing you’re describing suggests a toddler with ADHD, lots of 2-4 year olds struggle with sitting still, especially for circle time when there are other toys to play with. If you have concerns act on them as she grows but it’s very uncommon to diagnose neurodiversity at this age because they all have shit attention spans, are impulsive and can’t be reasoned with!

Do you not understand that the people taking their little kids to groups that involve a lot of sitting or fancy restaurants are a self selecting group? There are lots of people with toddlers like yours and they choose to find a soft play with a half decent coffee shop instead because it suits their kid much better!

As for crying at your parents one of my nieces was like that with DH. She grew out of it. She does not have ADHD. Her sister actually does but it’s the inattentive type (apparently much more common with girls than the hyperactivity type you’re blinding stabbing in the dark at) and it wasn’t apparent until she started taking exams at school.

The fact she’ll sit for a story with her Dad says everything. Yes she’s picking up on your anxiety and all of the nutritious food you can cook won’t change that. You owe it to her to get yourself into therapy.

It's classed as a disability and it impacts everyone differently but this poster starts threads frequently about autism and ASD and clearly wants her child to have a disability despite no signs and even her mother who is a paediatrician has no concerns.

This is one of the most bizarre threads I have ever read on here and I’ve read a fair bit over the years.

Sorry to sounds harsh but it’s more likely that if she does have any “diagnoses” it’s high levels of anxiety and that is also genetic and she may have inherited it from you because your level of anxiety is not normal. Maybe she gets anxious in social situations and she finds big groups too much. That’s not the same as adhd which she almost certainly does not have from your description. However she might grow out of it but you need to give her a chance to do so. You really need to calm down. Also since when is taking your child for coffee an integral part of parenting? I have never really taken my toddlers for coffee, it’s boring for them. A sleeping baby in a pram, yes. A 4+ year old, yes. But 1-3 is the worst age for keeping them contained in a busy cafe.

I do think she sleeps an awful lot, I don’t know any 2 year olds who sleep that much or who have more than 1 nap a day. All 3 of my DC are either diagnosed ND or suspected and none of them slept more than 12 hours a day after the age of 1.

She sounds completely normal to me OP. Both my elder two have been how you’ve described your daughter.

As ridiculous as it might sound yes at least a bit like the time for an espresso !! I tried on my own and she wants to come out of the buggy and the moment she out she says “ mommy come with me “ to explore . To be honest last time we did it she was insistent that me or her dad joined her to explore that she went into a fit when we said no and as much as I shouldn’t care about people staring at me I don’t think I can do it on a weekly basis

But it’s not typical behaviour, if she is the only one in a group of 20 who can’t manage it?

My dd was diagnosed adhd at 17.

The onlly thing to suggest it when younger was how demanding she was. And she wouldn’t play alone.

She hit every milestone and was good as gold out of home.

However her tantrums were something else and this is what l wished l’d taken notice of. And her persistence.

You're pathologising a tantrum.

Why would she not live independently when she is hitting her milestones? You really need to reach out for support for your anxiety.
My eldest was a really hyperactive toddler and preschooler. He is now 16, he has just got really good GCSE results, he can cook, clean and keep himself safe, he would manage living independently now. You really should not be worried about your DD.

It is typical though. As others have said those attending these groups have children who can sit for a session that doesn't make her behaviour abnormal in the same way if she couldn't ride a balance bike and others could she wouldn't be not typical or if she could colour in the lines and others couldn't that wouldn't mean those children were not typical either. Toddlers are a huge sliding scale of what is a typical.

This is normal. Toddlers don't want to sit and watch their parents drink coffee! Bring toys or books....I'm starting to think the issue is you don't understand children at all, they are not just mini adults

Honestly at that age they do not stop, they want to explore so yes sitting for you to have a coffee will be hard. But take colouring or toys and let her have a play. Go to places with outside space she she can move around safely. She is at full on toddler age, its not moods its just her being a toddler. It is relentless at this age but give her time and she will sit and have a drink but you are expecting a lot of her at her age.