ADHD toddler and future

[ForLovingTealSheep]

I am at my lowest point in life and I have dealt with pretty bad stuff like cancer but this is eating me up bit by bit everyday . My 2.5 year old who’s that child who doesn’t do circle time or sit in group toddler ever and the older she gets the more difficult it becomes . I have posted many times and every time I have been told that I have Munchausen by proxy until I see my daughter being the only one out of 20 to not sit still for activities at groups and talking all the time .

We don’t have a family history of adhd and we have a total of 4 siblings between me and my partner’s family . Apart from group settings she is strong willed but generally well behaved and always follow instructions to a tee including sitting for meals at home . Sleeps 16 hours a day and eat a good diet . She is not impulsive and for her age I believe she had a good attention span around 6 to 8 minutes per activity but that’s important I guess as I have heard lots of adhd kids can focus well .

All I want to know will she have a relatively independent life and will I ever be able to go to a restaurant with her in the future without having to get up every single time or a simple coffee .

ADHD is as hereditable as height……..

And yet you are testing to see if you are pregnant with another child…….

Also OP, you don’t know how your little one will act without you.
Sounds as though you have looked into more ‘pre-school’ type settings rather than nursery - but given her age, by 3 she’d be going into a pre-school room anyway.

However, my 2.5 yr old acts completely different at nursery than they do with me, no tantrums like we see at home, general compliance.
They have a sibling, who at home, the argue and snatch from all day, however grandparents say they are good as gold when we aren’t around and just do their own thing.

Also have a chatter box. Who spent a couple of hours in the pre-school room where their sibling is the other day, my older child asked them in the car on the way home ‘why didn’t you talk in pre-school?’

We didn’t have a choice around whether I went back to work, in a similar (but different) client facing but risky / stressful role. But one of the things I was really keen to instill in both my children is being able to take guidance from other adults outside the family and follow instruction.

I would strongly consider it, because I only think you may be hyper focused on this, because you need a break…

Medical professionals are taught that the number one red flag is ‘parental concern.’ You know your child best. Neurodiversity doesn’t just pop up at the magic age of three or six. Symptoms are always present before then. Mumsnet is full of threads of posts like these; you advance search the OP and more frequently than not there is later an ASD pathway on the cards. The two things can exist at once - OP can be anxious but simultaneously her child can be presenting atypically.

You're not wrong.

The issue here is that this OP has been posting under different names since the child was about 9 months old and has described a normal child for whatever age she's posting at. In fact they almost come across as a stealth brag 'heres a long list of things my child does well, but I'm worried because sometimes she repeats things back to me so I think she's got echolalia and Is autistic' (or insert other normal developmental behaviour that's been pathologised)

Notice how that particular symptom hasn't been mentioned in this thread? Because presumably she grown out of it and OP has found something else to latch on to.

It seems more like the OP has a poor understanding of child development (i.e. children learning to speak will repeat what you say) and a poor understanding of how to parent a toddler (i.e. the majority of toddlers will not want to sit still in a coffee shop)

This country’s obsession with diagnosing ND is getting completely out of hand.
The child is a toddler.

I have to say I have come across a couple of posts along with the update a few years forward and one in particular stuck out to me .. a mom of a little boy (2.5 ) with occasional toe walking and mixing you and I pronoun , the usual not sitting still for circle time , other than that above average speech skills , as time went on and with the introduction of nursery aggression started to set in , fast forward 2 years later and he is diagnosed AuADHD and just based on those traits no one saw anything amiss . She admitted that even the developmental pediatrician was on the fence about autism

sometimes only time will tell

So, my son is on referral pathway for ADHD /ASD.

He is 7.5, at 2.5 he couldn't sit at a group for a second, he'd try to abscond front oddler groups, never did song time etc but at home could do all the dances to all his favourite songs but with hindsight couldn't cope with anxiety of the big group so couldn't do it there.

He also never sat down, ran, jumped, climbed constantly and yes, boys in particular are known for this but of all his wee boy friends who were also high energy he still massively stood out. They'd all be running in circles, the others would sit for a snack and drink, he'd keep running stopping for the odd bits and still be going after the others had gone for a nap.

His sleep is was/remains horrific. As a baby never slept for more than 45 mins and took 2 hours to get to sleep so I never slept ever. Slept through for the first time age 3 and that was midnight to 5am not 12 hours. He had no sense of danger, was and remains incredibly fast, couldn't settle to an activity ever even watching TV, discovered gaming when watching his dad play the switch age 3.5 and could finally do something for 10/15 minutes happily. The interaction with the strategies of the game was engaging enough he could finally slow his body down.

Now he's 7, likely dyslexic but recently learnt to read, reading also does the same as gaming, particularly graphic novels based on special interests. He also newly enjoys colouring and drawing and writing in a journal, all things he can do independentl which he never did when younger all activities needed constant supervision and attention. He has previously loved Lego building and hot wheels track building but does those less now favouring setting up Pokémon battles and reading.

He's wonderful, occasionally aggressive, has some clear differences from his peer group but so far at least maintains some friendships.

He has melatonin at night since age 5 prescribed by neurology which has been life changing for all of us. Even at 5 he was up until after midnight every night anxious and distressed that he couldn't seem to sleep, then up several times overnight and up early for the day.

He has meltdowns and aggressive outbursts and stims. We manage him with lots of exercise, lots of outdoor time (3 hours a day running round a park is ideal) or trampolining, gymnastics, swimming in winter. He wants a gym for his bedroom for Xmas and I'm considering getting him some gym equipment because cycling has such a positive impact on him so I feel like a static bike might make sit down activities easier.r

We can go out to eat, we take drawing things, books to write in, books to read, fingers and screens. I can't stress enough how much his behaviour and energy levels and poor sleep were and remain way past the limits of a 'normal' child with a lot of energy who is easily distracted

Hi OP,
I have a 2 yo and meet up with plenty of friends with toddlers and we never manage to sit and have a conversation or coffee. I thought that was completely normal at that age and no one ever seems concerned. It could be cultural though, I live in Nordic country. Nothing that you describe seemed particularly concerning to me regarding your DD’s behaviour. The only thing I noticed is a level of anxiety you seem to experience, I think it’s very likely that your DD response to your own behaviour. You said yourself she behaves differently when she is with your DH? Whether your DD will be diagnosed later on or not, I think the only thing you can focus on now is to work on your own health and anxiety levels. That will definitely have an effect on her.

This wasn't true of my child, he literally couldn't sit in a buggy he'd scream and writhe and be in clear and obvious distress. Even getting him INTO the buggy was near impossible. I had to call in late to work several times as couldn't physically get my 2 yr old in a car seat to go to nursery. In public he didn't need us to go exploring, he'd abscond I to the wilderness, it was terrifying

TBH she sounds like a normal active little girl rather than any ADHD. Not everyone can sit still and be quiet before five and she may well simply be a kinetic learner who needs to move about as she learns. Being a parent can have its moments and be a source of worry and anxiety especially if you have a tendency towards such. I can assure you others would be expressing concern and signposting you to help if your little girl was showing ADHD at such an early age.

My youngest DS was formally diagnosed with ADHD by 2 1/2 by tier 3 CAHMS after months of their involvement with him. He was fiery and bored of being a baby from birth, he slept less than four hours in 24, never in a block and had done so from his birth. He had NO impulse control whatsoever and would do things as soon as an idea crossed his head regardless of consequences and had no attention span for anything except for things that caught his interest then he hyper focussed to the exclusion of everything else. He had a LEA special nursary place from 2 till 5 then moved to an inclusive mainstream school. mainstream nursery even with support could not keep him safe. He only had meds for eight months at nursery to help him learn the basics so he could begin to learn in school.
He completed school, including sixth form and a higher apprenticeship. As an adult he still needs little sleep, holds down a very good job and is in charge of others, he socialises with friends, helps other people and finds constructive outlets for his ADHD energy. It is not the ADHD that makes the huge difference it’s how you respond as a parent and if you have a good school able to encourage and support.

OP your child probably isn’t ill, she’s a toddler. Based on your abnormal obsession with pathologising your child’s pretty average toddler behaviour, you probably are.

Getting the correct diagnosis early in life has a significant impact on mental health, physical health, educational outcomes and your career. I'm in my 50s. If I'd had my ND diagnoses and treatment as a child, all of the above would have gone much better. In fact I am now too unwell to work - according to my psychiatrist, the stress of living for decades with undiagnosed and untreated ND was a contributory factor. When a child gets a ND diagnosis, that should lead to them getting the support they to have a happy, successful life with good health and we need to celebrate that.

So your dd isn’t like her parents or their siblings. It doesn’t mean she has ADHD it just means she has a different personality. Did you expect everyone in the family to be the same

So when is nursery? Before her 2 hours of exercise or after?

She doesn’t have siblings. The OP is referring to her and her husband’s siblings.

I absolutely agree but a 2.5 year old who sleeps 16 hours per day + naps, goes to nursery and does 2x2 hours of exercise per day is acting like a 2.5year old

Maybe look at her day as 16 hours sleep, + naps, nursery (which I presume is 3 hours) + 4 hours exercise leaves only minutes for anything else, like eating.

Maybe it is the play time that is lacking

Yes, only time will tell - that's what everyone is telling you. The only thing they offer at this age is therapy for delays and you've said she doesn't have these. So there is literally no point obsessing over it.

Having adhd isn’t just a behavioural issue, it is a physical issue. Our brains are a different shape to those that are NT

Everyone posting in good faith- this is a poster who repeatedly posts about her 2yo saying she is worried she has autism/ADHD, or speech delay etc, describes normal behaviour and speech, everyone reassures her and she does not take it on board and continues to post anxiously. Your replies aren’t helping sadly. The poster needs therapy.

You may well be right. The OP may well be right. It is really impossible to tell. I would urge the OP to talk it through with her GP.

My DC2 has dyslexia, ADHD and autism and seemed totally normal as a toddler and in primary school. The first ND diagnosis was dyslexia - the school didn’t realize and nor did I until after A-Levels. Of course with hindsight, there were plenty of clues which a professional would have spotted but to me and everyone else who knew them, DC2 was a normal kid. And yes, I was also a very anxious parent because I also had undiagnosed ND (most ND conditions come with a lot of anxiety).

The psychiatrist who diagnosed DC2 with ADHD and autism said it was obvious. But she is an expert with decades of experience. DC2 was having a lot of mental health problems in secondary school and the school ran a whole load of screeners on them for numerous ND conditions and they all came back negative. Intelligent people can hide ND - especially intelligent women and girls. Anyway, the school put me off the scent. It was only when DC2 started at uni, that the ADHD became clear to me because they were having quite of difficulties. The autism diagnosis came as a total surprise.

it really gets on my nerves when people tell me that ND conditions are being over diagnosed. I think the opposite is likely to be the case.

There is a reason why ADHD not assessed for in kids younger than 6 years old and I'm relieved to see posters saying OP describes normal toddler behaviours. No one will be able to diagnose a 2.5 year old...

OP, reading your posts I can see you're struggling, and you posted A LOT on this thread about your anxiety, which makes me think you're feeling quite distressed and worried. I suggest you seek support for yourself first. If others are not raising concerns, and your child behaves differently with them than with you i.e. is more settled, this is the logical first step. Take care.

16 hours of sleep is quite a lot at that age - how much exercise is she getting?

Appreciate your comment and yes she does behave differently with my DH . I also appreciate every comment who agrees that only time will tell but I got a lot comments saying she is completely normal

That's bonkers. If that was the case it could be diagnosed by brain scan and we could do without all the assessments and reports.