ADHD toddler and future

[ForLovingTealSheep]

I am at my lowest point in life and I have dealt with pretty bad stuff like cancer but this is eating me up bit by bit everyday . My 2.5 year old who’s that child who doesn’t do circle time or sit in group toddler ever and the older she gets the more difficult it becomes . I have posted many times and every time I have been told that I have Munchausen by proxy until I see my daughter being the only one out of 20 to not sit still for activities at groups and talking all the time .

We don’t have a family history of adhd and we have a total of 4 siblings between me and my partner’s family . Apart from group settings she is strong willed but generally well behaved and always follow instructions to a tee including sitting for meals at home . Sleeps 16 hours a day and eat a good diet . She is not impulsive and for her age I believe she had a good attention span around 6 to 8 minutes per activity but that’s important I guess as I have heard lots of adhd kids can focus well .

All I want to know will she have a relatively independent life and will I ever be able to go to a restaurant with her in the future without having to get up every single time or a simple coffee .

This is mental. “lowest point in your life”
because your toddler chats during circle time?! Get a grip.

Have you done absolutely no research about adhd at all? Even if she does have it (which doesn’t sound more likely than for any other child) it’s not a big deal in most cases. Those that have truly debilitating ADHD that even medication doesn’t help with are pretty few in number.

Your expectations of your dd are unreasonable.

Some 2 year olds will sit for a story but it’s very common for many not to. When you saw 20 other 2 year olds listening to a story, was it an organised event like story time at the library? That kind of event will attract the parents of kids who enjoy sitting down for a story.

I have 3 kids and 2 would not sit for a story at 2.5. They would sit for 15-20 minutes by the time they started school which they attended at 4+ but one of them was definitely very wiggly on the carpet.

Embrace this time before school. It’s absolutely fine not to consider activities until after she starts school - otherwise pick ones where she can shine and build her confidence. It’s too early to say if she has ADHD or not and the fact that she enjoyed chatting and being physical doesn’t mean she has ADHD. You need to chill and explore her many strengths - not wish she wasn’t the way she was because she sounds great.

I had this 2.5 year old. We left our private school nursery as they said they wouod not support him through school and went state. Got diagnosed at age 7.
Anyway, he is in year 8, thriving, great academics, great friendship group, does all the sports.
I spent a lot of the prjmary years making sure he was in all the sports as it grounded him and focussed all that energy.
Its a journey and we were worried at that age too, but I cant see any major issues.
They take more parenting and need closer and stricter boundaries than a non adhd child. They will climb the highest, jump off stuff, run fast away from you and not think of the dangers. But it just takes more effort and routines.
But adhd is also a blessing. My child thinks fast, spots opportuties, has endless energy, is the life of the party.
There are loads of books and stuff to help parent and parenting courses and school support. State is best, we looked at loads of private schools for secondary, the sencos there said state would be better, theres more resources.

Last week the poor wee poppet was Autistic, this week she has ADHD. What's next weeks armchair diagnosis, love? A freckle appeared so she's got a melanoma? Make a Dr's appointment, but not for the bairn, get it for yourself, please, before you do any long term damage.

They won't consider investigating ADHD until 6 or 7 in the UK, because a lot of behaviours and impulsivity is usually developmentally appropriate before this age range.

Not being able to sit still just at circle time alone won't get a diagnosis.

Not being able to sit still at circle time, assembly, any old boring thing, remain on task, follow adult led instructions, follow complex instructions, follow short term working recall, resist inhibitions etc at 6 or 7 though, and you should start the process.

Circle time by all accounts is pretty bloody boring. At 2.5, why would anybody do something they don't want to do?

I’m honestly surprised you’ve found so many 1-3 year olds who do sit nicely for circle time (although I do think it’s a pretty self selecting group- most parents whose children don’t sit still move onto other activities that allow them to be noisy/messy and encourage physical movement).

At 2.5 there’s no real way of knowing if she has ADHD or not. I have ADHD and mentioned to my psychiatrist that I’d noticed that my son had some similar traits to me, his response was ‘that could be a sign he has ADHD or it could be a sign he’s a totally normal 3 year old boy’. Lots of ADHD symptoms (especially the ones you’ve mentioned) are developmentally normal for a toddler!

Even if she does have ADHD then there’s every chance she’ll live a happy, successful and independent life.
I have ADHD but I also have friends, a husband, 2 kids, multiple degrees and a good job. I do have struggles because of it and sometimes things are harder than they are for other people but I’ve developed coping strategies, have therapy and take medication which really helps.
If I’d been diagnosed earlier then it might have avoided a lot of stress and depression/anxiety in my teens and twenties (I wasn’t diagnosed until my early thirties). So if you still have concerns when she’s older then it might be worth exploring then. But at 2.5 I’d just enjoy her how she is, and make sure she gets loads of exercise and engaging activities!

My child is the same age and doesn't sit still for circle time or dinners. He also wakes all through the night and barely gets 8 hours.....I doubt she has ADHD and sounds like a normal toddler. I'm told how hyper my child is but hey he's 2 years old, who cares!? Could be a phase, could not be. Wait and see and enjoy your toddler

Even if she does turn out to have ADHD (not based on her current behaviour) there's no point worrying about it now because there's nothing to be done anyway. She doesn't need any accommodation or interventions at age 2.5. So try and stay calm and put it into perspective. If she has any issues as she grows up, you can get her assessed, but even if it were possible to be diagnosed now, they wouldn't do anything. For now, her needs are the same as any other child.

Oh, you're back.
Didn't get the answers you wanted re: Autism and now you're going to try to convince people your child has ADHD?
Okay.
🍿

To all those saying she sounds typically developing, how do you account for the fact that she is the one child in 20 who won’t sit down for circle time etc?

Any child who sleeps 16 hours a day (!) does not have ADHD. I have two ADHD children and they do not stop.

Because they have experience with 2.5 year olds and know that nothing OP has said indicates any atypical development.

This!

@ForLovingTealSheep you have been told many, many times that your DD is developing normally for her age. Nothing you write about her sounds in any way indicative of neurodivergence.

For the love of all things holy please see someone who can help you with your... whatever it is. Anxiety? Paranoia? Munchausens? If you continue like this as your daughter grows and understands more you'll be doing her some serious damage.

She does 4 hours .. 2 in the morning nap and 2 in the afternoon .. she does focus well but not when tired or not interested really

She always follows 2 step instructions like pick your clothes and put them in the washing machine , but if not interested in an activity won’t last for more than a couple of minutes and say “ let’s tidy up “ she has her moments but doesn’t hit or throw .. she just gets annoyed when I say no

She's 2.5 OP. If being are saying you're being hysterical I'd, gently, listen to them.

She sounds like a typical 2 year old. Not wanting to sit in a group at 2 doesn’t indicate anything other than being 2!

Because I don’t need to sort myself out when in a big group of kids she is the only one who doesn’t sit and wants to wonder .. in addition she always talks incessantly.

I am glad to see there are some people who have adhd and can manage to live a good and happy life . To those who think I am totally “ out of it “ I’d agree if I’d never expose her to other kids but I see it with my own eyes when she is in groups that she is different to others . What I don’t understand or maybe I was misinformed I thought adhd has a strong genetic component but in my case it came out of nowhere .

Welcome to having a toddler!
Apparently they become quieter when they're teenagers.
Everything you describe is normal.

I’m honestly not seeing one single thing in your posts that suggest ADHD (and all three of mine are ND). She sounds totally normal. Some kids just don’t like circle time. Some kids like talking. Honestly, i truly believe that’s all this is.

The curious thing is that with me she doesn’t sit for books but with my husband who’s the most relaxed person in the entire world can sit for books for up to 15 minutes sitting there with him and not fidgeting ,, with me she just fidgeting all the time .. do you think it is because she is feeding off my anxiety

So it's ADHD now ,not autism ?
I really don't know why you want your child to be disabled.?

In your case?

You don't have a case.

You have a toddler and a fixation on wishing a disability on her.

It's really unhealthy for you and her.

The best advice I can give is enjoy the child you have. Don’t waste her childhood looking for problems.