ADHD toddler and future

[ForLovingTealSheep]

I am at my lowest point in life and I have dealt with pretty bad stuff like cancer but this is eating me up bit by bit everyday . My 2.5 year old who’s that child who doesn’t do circle time or sit in group toddler ever and the older she gets the more difficult it becomes . I have posted many times and every time I have been told that I have Munchausen by proxy until I see my daughter being the only one out of 20 to not sit still for activities at groups and talking all the time .

We don’t have a family history of adhd and we have a total of 4 siblings between me and my partner’s family . Apart from group settings she is strong willed but generally well behaved and always follow instructions to a tee including sitting for meals at home . Sleeps 16 hours a day and eat a good diet . She is not impulsive and for her age I believe she had a good attention span around 6 to 8 minutes per activity but that’s important I guess as I have heard lots of adhd kids can focus well .

All I want to know will she have a relatively independent life and will I ever be able to go to a restaurant with her in the future without having to get up every single time or a simple coffee .

Of course time will tell. Your child could turn out to have any number of issues, abilities, strengths, challenges. No one can predict the future. However, many people have said your child sounds “completely normal” because she does. Absolutely nothing you have written is outside the realm of typical development.

Please seek help for your anxiety.

There is a physical difference in the way the neurons in the brain pick up messages in those with ADHD. My DC's pediatrician explained it to me. This is why medication often works. It helps the electrical signals in the brain pick up better. Similar to that experienced by depressives. Different wiring of course.

No one ever suggests brain scans for depressives.

Absolutely that neurons may act differently, or interact with eachother differently (I'm not sure anyone really knows, there's a lot of guess work), but I'm just pointing out that your comment about having different 'shaped brains' ) as if one was round and one was square or something) is totally not the case, and if it were, diagnosis would be a lot easier. It might even be picked up at the 20 week scan.

Scans are used in academic research using ADHD participants to confirm diagnosis though. They probably aren't offered for routine diagnosis because the screening already does a good job and it's very expensive to use the type of imaging required.

Wasn't my comment about brain shape.

Very interesting @Conversensational.

It wasn't a comment on your work skills. It was pointing out that we are not being "unkind" by telling you that the problem is you, not your daughter, like you're not being unkind when you tell your individuals that they score highly on the psychopath scale. What would be unkind is treating someone like a psychopath when they are a normal human.

I have anxiety and can empathise with worrying about their future and development. However as your frequent posts show, this is so far beyond this. As someone who claims to be a psychologist, it concerns me how little you seem to understand about child development and the fact that your child is an individual. Endless lists of developmentally normal behaviour, long lists of foods that she will eat and yet you still seem obsessed with the fact she I'd autism, or is a fussy eater or now ADHD.

Your child sounds completely normal. You've been told this by umpteen health professionals. Why are you so hellbent and obsessed that there needs to be something "wrong" with your child? Surely as a psychologist you know people over the Internet can't diagnois this. And at any rate a 2.5 year old who can't still is completely normal.

You have such huge expectations that she should be able to sit still in a coffee shop. 99% of toddlers can't do this. Why not focus on activities that she'll actually enjoy rather than trying to force her into what you want to do and then become exasperated when she displays normal toddler behaviour. Its worrying you can't see how your anxiety and relentless pursuit of a NT diagnosis rubs off on your child.

And if she does has ADHD, why do you think she'll be so disadvantaged in the future. I have a number of friends who are female with ADHD. While I don't know what it is like to have adhd, their lives are absolutely no different from mine. They have jobs, friends, socialise, go to gigs, holidays, nights out etc. There's no difference to their life and mine.

Just a little update for every mom in my situation .. my little girl has started nursery two months ago and has been referred to the SENCO lead due to her inability to sit for activities and her anxiety outside the home .

this is just to say that if your child sounds like mine please get an evaluation as soon as possible .

Do you think her anxiety out of the home could be because of your anxiety around her though OP?

I doubt anyone will be diagnosing her with ADHD at the age of 2 because it’s so hard at this age. so the SENco will just be providing advice to the key workers on how best to support her in nursery. Lots of 2 year olds find it tricky to sit for a while so the nursery will often adapt its schedule to cater for those children. It’s good the nursery are being supportive but remember the nursery SENCO can’t diagnose ADHD.

I have to say, it does not sound like ADHD to me and as a parent of a neurodivergent child, I would encourage you to hold off on self-diagnosis for a little longer as, at that age, it would be impossible to determine. To me it sounds like a totally usual set of behaviours and the fact she can focus well, isn’t impulsive, can follow instructions and is by your own estimation well behaved sounds excellent! Trying to diagnose at 2.5 is very early and you would be best off just enjoying your child during this time. If issues arise later well, deal with those then, but, trying to apply a diagnosis in this way seems counterproductive as well as upsetting for you. If your child does have ADHD you will love your child in exactly the same way and together learn to make accommodations - for now, I would say all seems well.

Sorry but I agree with a PP. it’s no wonder she’s anxious given how anxious you clearly are.

Well the teacher has seen enough kids to notice my child stands out ( not in a good way ) . Obviously they are not going to go for a diagnosis but it is important to put things in motions for school and her future . To be honest I have heard horror stories of kids having to be homeschooled because their special need school had to shut down and the council won’t do anything about it so I am considering homeschooling but she absolutely loves playing with her peers and she is always so gentle and waits her turn . We did a private paediatrician a few weeks ago who gave her a “ test “ on the 5 areas of development: cognitive , social emotional , linguistic , adaptive behaviour etc and all was well . I am not sure if they would recommend OT or what at this stage . I just hope they don’t ask her to leave .

her anxiety is not related to going to nursery , she loves the anticipation and can’t wait to see her friends every morning . It is when she is asked to do certain activities at certain times

But you must see there could well be a link between your anxiety and that of your child. Have you sought help for yourself?

OP, my DS17 is pretty similar. Hated sitting in circle time, talked constantly, trying to interrupt when I was speaking to someone. This went on well past 3.

He does not have ADHD. He does have a stack of GCSE 9s and 8s. One of his friends does have ADHD and also has a stack of GCSE 9s and 8s.

Stop worrying. Just accept your DD is lively, energetic and determined.

And I’m not sure I really like the idea of lots of docile preschoolers sitting nicely for ages at circle time.

That’s great she scored well in all areas of development. Not sure why on earth you’d consider homeschooling her when the test flagged no issues and she’s a social little girl who loves Nursery. It’s very normal for toddlers to not want to do certain activities at certain times- the terms ‘terrible twos’ and ‘three aged’ are there for a reason!

so if the test said she was fine in all areas, she’s happy, she’s gentle, she loves her friends and plays well with them, she loves nursery, why do you think things need to ‘put in place’ for school? What is there to even put in place for a child doing so well? Why are you mentioning special need schools? I’m genuinely baffled. I‘m a primary teacher and honestly your child sounds like she’ll be a dream when she enters primary school. Many 4 year olds are aggressive, can’t wait their turn, have language and communication issues etc etc. Yours sounds like she’s doing so well for her age.

I have ADHD, one of my parents has ADHD, one of my children has ADHD.

I couldn’t have told you at 2.5 they were significantly different from any other toddler, we spent A LOT of time outside.

But, I used to train horses, if I had a fresh horse full of the joys of spring, they would be taken for a good gallop before being asked to stand still. I used the same method on the child.

My son has ADHD and likely autism

He's 7.5 now

He had regular seizures as a toddler

He didn't sleep for more than an hour at a time

He would never sit down unless on a very rare occasion something completely captivated him like a trainset or Lego.

He walked early, he talked early, he could multiply and knew his times tables at 3, he just started using numbers by himself, he never stopped talking and never stopped moving.

Note also though the complete sleeplessness, seizures, inability to sit still at all! Not just for circle time, I have videos of him rolling on the floor playing his switch, he doesn't even sit still if concentrating on an activity and at 2.5 he'd run into the road etc. he could follow 2 step instructions if the notion suited him. He had his own agenda.

Your child MAY have very minor additional needs, she probably doesn't from your description of a child who sleeps well, eats well, can concentrate for 6/8 minutes (my son was either no interest in concentrating or concentrating hard to the point of obsession for an hour on Lego at that age)

Early assessment is helping you and her how exactly? We've eat h fully waited, his school gave been supportive of him, we've documented everything and he's still an unfolding story.

My neurotypical daughter can do a story circle time completely cold. She's 4. My eldest if I wanted him to do a storytime event I'd have booked a softplay event directly before 😂 a spirited untrained colt is a pretty good comparison to my son. I am a dog person so I go with 'a farm bred border Collie living inappropriately in a city

I was reassured by the pediatrician but nursery kept telling me “ well she doesn’t want to do playdough time together “ , she doesn’t want to do circle time and sing songs . At first I thought “ do we really need to bother the SENCO lead “ and that was for extreme cases etc but I decided to trust the teacher’s gut . She did state that she is not aggressive in any way but it is a lot of “ no I don’t want that “ . Can I refuse the SENCO evaluation or would they eventually ask her to leave if she doesn’t comply to their requests ?

I wouldn’t refuse them but I also would worry about her not wanting to join in as a toddler meaning she will be in a special school later on.

my kids are both NT and both of them at age 3 would refuse to do certain activities and bite other kids which was beyond embarrassing for me. My daughter especially could not sit still. Even in school, I had to meet with the SENco a few times and she needed her own special cushion to sit on the floor to remind her not to move all around the carpet. She would also refuse to do things she was asked to do She’s year 5 now and totally fine- some kids just aren’t ready to sit still when they’re so so little. And I think, in this country, we expect them to far too early in nursery and some schools in lots of cases

I so agree with you and my husband is totally against it but I will take your advice and move forward with it . It is like she doesn’t fit their current routines ( sitting , group engagement at specific times ) I mean they went you for ice cream one day and mine , bless her , asked the teacher “ where is my money “ I have to pay for ice cream “ because we taught her that if she wants a little toy or anything in a shop first she has to pay ☺️. I get it that teachers have lots of kids and overworked and my toddler is a little bit different but it is never nice when they pull you aside and say “ oh I think we need a talk “ etc .. she loves it there so fingers crossed time will help

Apparently nursery really likes that idea🤣 .. she doesn’t interrupt anymore and the constant talking has stopped both at home and outside .. I accept her for who she is it is the outside world that has problem

That it is totally possible but it is like she is really happy to go to nursery every day she is not anxious to go or when she is there , on occasions she would cry and look for me but I guess that’s normal , it is her not sitting the bug problem