ADHD toddler and future

[ForLovingTealSheep]

I am at my lowest point in life and I have dealt with pretty bad stuff like cancer but this is eating me up bit by bit everyday . My 2.5 year old who’s that child who doesn’t do circle time or sit in group toddler ever and the older she gets the more difficult it becomes . I have posted many times and every time I have been told that I have Munchausen by proxy until I see my daughter being the only one out of 20 to not sit still for activities at groups and talking all the time .

We don’t have a family history of adhd and we have a total of 4 siblings between me and my partner’s family . Apart from group settings she is strong willed but generally well behaved and always follow instructions to a tee including sitting for meals at home . Sleeps 16 hours a day and eat a good diet . She is not impulsive and for her age I believe she had a good attention span around 6 to 8 minutes per activity but that’s important I guess as I have heard lots of adhd kids can focus well .

All I want to know will she have a relatively independent life and will I ever be able to go to a restaurant with her in the future without having to get up every single time or a simple coffee .

She sleeps 16 hours a day?!

Wow.
She may have ADHD ... she may not.
I have ADHD and ASD.
I also have a masters degree, a senior clinical position, a family and occasionally I am allowed out to eat in public.
Hope that helps.

My DB also has ADHD (seems to be hereditary in our family). He is the lead engineer in his company. Hugely out earns me (not ADHD). It's the old adage, do what you're good at. He'd be useless with a desk job, but in an active role he's brilliant.

Honestly, when my DD was that age, we couldn’t go for coffee or for a meal without one of us spending the whole time following her round. She did not sit still ever. Some children her age did.. she was just too curious and into everything. She also talked non stop (still does at 4). She does not have adhd. Pre-school spoke about how well she follows instructions etc (better than average) but at nursery at 2.5 her target was to join in more group activities. She just wasn’t interested and wanted to do her own thing. I actually think this is often the case, including the talking, with bright children. Not that my child is a genius or anything 😂 but a bright enough little girl!

Funny enough another mom said that to me not that I think my child is a genius in any way but the talking and asking questions about what she sees that’s what her little girl is doing . Do you mind me asking if you did / parent her in a different way between the age of 2.5 and 4 ? I am open to all parenting advice

She naps from 11.30 to 1.30
goes to bed at 6.30/7 no later than 7.30 and she wakes around 7 am

Open to all advice except from people telling you to stop pathologising your normal toddler.

You’re not open to all parenting advice. You’ve ignored those of us telling you your child is normal.

Snap!

OP - Honestly im astounded at your thread.

I have 3 girls under 10 so i want to say im "qualified" in the toddler age and from what you have described she seems like an absolutely average 2 year old!

Toddlers are savage, the world is new to them and they want to learn EVERYTHING, they are inquisitive, like to explore, are fascinated with things that we wouldn't give a second glance...and show me a toddler that will sit in a coffee shop for longer than 10 seconds, unless of course they are eating something tasty and even then its a task.

Your expectations are wild and your going to make her and yourself absolutely miserable.

Furthermore it appears you have been told this many times yet refuse to listen and make even wilder statements.

I am actually beginning to think the op is on the wind up on these threads
i have never seen anyone be so deliberately obtuse and the wide eyed innocent ableism when suggesting that people with ADHD can't even go out in public alone and perish the thought lead normal lives is starting to wear a bit thin

No not at all. Honestly, we just let her be herself. We of course always had boundaries etc but my mum is an expert in early years and always reassured me that she was just a bright child! We were actually really pleased with the talking 😂 even when she was chewing my ear off! Again, pre school said that her language and communication was amazing. I think it’s because she had so much practice ha!

Oh and just to add… at 4.5 our child has only just started to sit and watch a film once in a blue moon… we’ve been looking forward to this for ages!

Agree.

im going out for dinner tonight and to listen to the op I’d need a bib and chaperone and to be set off to one side in case I upset the normals by my very presence.

it’s ableist.

I'll tell my DC to give up their job and forget all their well earned qualifications and pretend they haven't had a partner for three years.
quick come and sit in the corner of the room and rock quietly
because apparently that's all people with ADHD are good for
ffs

I feel so sad for your little girl.

If your very typical toddler (in fact, brilliant toddler given her sleep routine) is worrying you and making you even more anxious than cancer diagnoses, then you need to seek help for your mental health.

The problem is you, not your child.

If you push your issues and worries onto her you will cause her psychological harm and undermine her confidence and self-worth.

For your child’s sake, stop trying to rationalise your irrational anxiety and get some help for it.

Chewing my ear off is exactly what my 2.5 year old is doing 😂😂 the moment she wakes up she says “ I can’t see the owl , where is the owl gone “ and I barely have opened my eyes .

may I just say thank you for your words and kindness . I didn’t get a lot of it here .

Ah, that's not 16 hours then. That would mean a 2 hour nap in the daytime and a bedtime of 7-9, 6-8 or 7.30-9.30 which is a lot of sleep!

OP, I have OCD - a lot of it is health related and honestly I can see a lot of myself in your behaviour. The constant reassurance seeking via online forums, the obsessive cataloguing of “symptoms”, only focusing on things which “prove” your diagnosis and the ruminating on comments other people have said. It got so much worse for me postpartum with my first but once I understood it was OCD I could get on with my life, try to get better. Obviously it’s not appropriate to try to diagnose someone via Mumsnet or anything but I would maybe look into this because it sounds so similar to the things I would do.

Whilst those of us with possibly ND children are waiting for our children to either start talking or talk more than the few words they say....

Are you going to try and enter her into Mensa or something?

Are you being unkind when you tell your psychology clients that their thinking is disordered, or are you helping?

Bizarre. Did you know many kids before having your daughter? It's just you give the impression of not having met any. Btw, I know that feeling of 'why is my 2 year old the only one not sitting/smiling/being calm', then I recognise that as my own unrealistic expectations of him. He's just wee. He's fine. He'd be exactly like yours in a coffee shop - I kind of resent it too sometimes that I can't just sit with him quietly without providing snacks and games, but he's not a robot HE IS A TODDLER.

What you’re describing just sounds like normal toddler behaviour. Do you have friends with kids the same age? I think if you asked them none of them would say that their 2.5year old is perfectly calm and compliant at all times. At that age sitting for a long time for circle time is not normally expected. It’s usually when they’re preparing them to go to school that nurseries start working on that. Also a 2.5 yea old that has not been in a structured setting like nursery/preschool is going to be less likely to know what the expectations are and be able to participate in structured group activities.

You appear to be parenting your child as if she is ND, removing her immediately from situations, referring to disregulation etc. That's not going to help her ! You have to work with toddlers, guide them, work within their capabilities etc. I dont think I had a hot coffee for 5 years when mine were small and meals out were spent with one parent walking the child around while the other one ate. Then we worked with the child to eventually learn how to sit... its hard work but par for the course. You've been on here for months now, its not helping anyone