ADHD toddler and future

[ForLovingTealSheep]

I am at my lowest point in life and I have dealt with pretty bad stuff like cancer but this is eating me up bit by bit everyday . My 2.5 year old who’s that child who doesn’t do circle time or sit in group toddler ever and the older she gets the more difficult it becomes . I have posted many times and every time I have been told that I have Munchausen by proxy until I see my daughter being the only one out of 20 to not sit still for activities at groups and talking all the time .

We don’t have a family history of adhd and we have a total of 4 siblings between me and my partner’s family . Apart from group settings she is strong willed but generally well behaved and always follow instructions to a tee including sitting for meals at home . Sleeps 16 hours a day and eat a good diet . She is not impulsive and for her age I believe she had a good attention span around 6 to 8 minutes per activity but that’s important I guess as I have heard lots of adhd kids can focus well .

All I want to know will she have a relatively independent life and will I ever be able to go to a restaurant with her in the future without having to get up every single time or a simple coffee .

I’m not usually this harsh, but quite frankly OP, you’re being ridiculous! You’re talking and treating your dd as though she HAS ADHD. Everything you’ve said is a normal 2.5 years old. I suggest you stop labelling her, stop treating her differently, DO NOT listen to any more crap from your so called friend who can spot ADHD a mile off. Wake up and get some help for your anxiety, otherwise you will at some point be labelled officially as Munchausen by proxy (think it has a new name now though) .. and boy will that be hard to deal with, you really DON’T want that on your history/records that’s for sure!

In my line of work I normally have to assess “individuals “ who score highly on the psychopath scale . I don’t appreciate your harsh comment on my work skills as you don’t me or ever known me in that environment . I haven’t worked since the birth of my daughter and in a way that changed my approach to what i specifically do . I have become more protective now that I used to be before becoming a mum and my job had an impact on that . One of the reasons why me and my husband have decided to put off nursery for a little longer is that my job requires a huge amount of ability from my side to detach myself from being a mom when I am out in the field and it is not something I find easy .

How can that be true if you haven’t worked since you had your daughter?

If I picture myself having to go back to what I was doing I would find it difficult to adapt and then come back home and “ forget “ what I have been dealing with ( more often that I not I have to bring “ cases “ at home with me ) . I don’t know how to explain but it feels like motherhood has turned me into a different person and now more than ever I am not entirely sure if I was meant to be a mother .

You don’t know. You haven’t done it.

you’re over analysing your daughter. She’s 2.5. She’s normal at this point. And even if she turns out to have adhd so what? You can’t change it, she is who she is and there’s nothing you can do expect parent her in the best way for her.

if she needs specialist input or support at a later stage, you are well placed to get it for her.

but for now. Just enjoy your daughter.

You've just said she talks none stop. That's not social anxiety.

Your posts are filled with this language. Dis regulated rather than just fed up for example.

She is two. Half of them are still trying to climb up your skirt at that size.

You need to get off the internet and make friends with some other mums. Preferably not the competitive type but those happy to share normal struggles.

Toddlers are all highly strung. Mine would cry inconsolably if you said 'do you want the blue or the red cup'. They would say red, get that one, then wail for blue.

This level of focus on behaviours is not normal.

Even if it was this, wouldn't you just live life as it comes and love the child ?? Why are you being eaten up

Stop creating false drama and get rid of your nt perfectionist dream

We all live 1 day at a time

I actually think youre close to a breakthrough here OP.

Motherhood hasnt turned out how youd like it to be. ( it doesn't for a lot of us. We've all had various struggles, the upheaval is like nothing else in life ). Your daughter also hasnt turned out how you assumed she would ( again normal ). As you said you've found it difficult to connect with her. ( again, normal ).

Where its going wrong for you is that youre assuming this is a problem WITH HER. Rather, its a problem with either your expectations of her, or of motherhood, or pf your inability to accept her negative emotions.

As youre in the field of psychology, you've jumped right to pathologising your child rather than addressing your own issues.

Its not too late, really OP I mean that. Theres nothing wrong with your child. But you need some help dealing with your own issues around accepting her bad feelings without assuming its the sign of something terrible.

You can do this OP. Get help. For both of your sakes.

I really want to enjoy my daughter and the more I think about it the more I believe that medication for me would be the right answer at this stage .. never ever been on any medications so I don’t know how you would “ feel “ afterwards. One mom told me it helped her tremendously.

I did ask my GP ( not very sympathetic) who said to try yoga or other relaxing techniques. My husband has private health insurance so will enquire how to go about the process .

I don’t recognise myself at all .. I was the happiest person , bit anxious for the first 1.5 of her life . I remember my exact words when I held her for the first time “ why was I so worried about labour , she is so perfect )

I dont recognise myself either. I'm scared of everything. Im not chill. Im not even who I thought I was anymore. Im convinced motherhood has changed my brain. And my brain was pretty good before- as im sure yours was, given your professional success.

One thing im sure of though is that children need to be accepted as they are and loved as they are. We cant give them the message that something is wrong with them. They will internalize that message which will cause great harm.

The main thing that jumps out at me is how difficult you find her negative emotions. Her normal negative emotions. You can tease this put with professional help.

I accept her wholeheartedly and I am coming across the complete opposite , what’s eating my alive it is how this world can be downright unkind to kids who are different ( having sad I saw a lot of cases in my early days where a kid gets viciously bullied because he/ she is wearing glasses ) . I can’t hide the fact that I am very envious of those mums who I see coffee shops reading a book and their toddler just playing with toys 🥹and at my lowest I thought “oh what would I do to have that “ . It makes me furious the lack of support for kids who are ND and if you cannot afford to go privately you are missing out on vital therapies . It is an uphill battle when it should relatively simple . They are lovely human beings and they do exist in this world and damn right they should have access to every accommodations they need ..

sorry went off on a tangent here …but for my girl I never snap at her and always try to understand her feelings and she does tell me when she feels sad or angry

Please please please stop obsessing about this coffee thing. It's such an unimportant pointless activity to focus on not being able to do for a few years. You have mentioned going for coffee incessantly throughout this thread. It makes it seem like what you are actually concerned about is your own lack of freedom, rather than your daughter's well-being.

The mums who are in the coffee shop are a minority. The ones with the super active kids just dont go there, so you dont see them.

I absolutely love coffee and my first wouldn't have tolerated a visit either, despite my habit/ addiction. In the end we got in the habit of him getting a cup of ice and me getting a take out and walking around the park together.

Your dd is probably not ND, is meeting her milestones as expected. There is no need for you to feel sad in advance for how the world will treat her. All you need to focus on is how YOU treat her. Drop this ND stuff and just try to enjoy being with her and meet her where she needs you to- where she is.

As PPs have said, it is vital that you address your own anxiety. Not necessarily with medication (though you may choose this route). I would recommend investigating therapy to help you understand the source of your anxiety and develop strategies to cope with it.

Again as many people have said, your child sounds like an ordinary, delightful 2-year-old. There are good reasons why ADHD can’t be diagnosed in a child that young. The trend of pathologising typical behaviour is worrying in the general culture, and it seems to have become something of an obsession for you. In previous threads you have been worried about ASD, now you’re concerned about ADHD. For some reason you latch onto anyone who validates your thoughts, rather than being reassured by the many people who say your child sounds like a typical toddler.

It's okay to say you need to work. Even if it's not your previous role. Even just a morning or evening a week.

Somewhere to be you again.

If you are prone to over analysing things (I am too so it's not a criticism) your brain needs to be kept busy.

Your daughter won't have any less of a bond with you for a bit of time apart. It may help both of you. She will behave totally differently without you there.

She already behaves differently with my husband 🙂 but yes I might just look for something in my line of work working from home . When I was working I didn’t like “ love it “ like you would if you really enjoy your job because of the nature of what I do but I felt I was sort of good at it and gave me a sense of purpose .

I am not familiar with the nursery system here in the uk maybe a childminder would be different ?

My son was similar at that age - wasn't for sitting for circle time etc. Constantly on the go - he was like the duracell bunny! Even swimming didn't wear him out!

He's now 11 and absolutely great. Intelligent, funny, off to grammar school in September and has no issues at all. He still has a lot of energy but plays out a lot and the swimming club does at least make him tired now 😂

She's very little still- maybe she doesn't like story time? Perhaps she's bored of it?

You have posted about her a lot (I think, if I am thinking of the right poster and I apologise if not!) and each time, lots of us tell you she is sounding absolutely fine. Please try to enjoy her as she is.

I would strongly recommend getting yourself some help for your anxieties.

Yes I was concerned about asd and still am on some levels , she still toe walks a lot and has very advanced speech with the occasional mixing of pronouns “ you and I “ .. not uncommon amongst level 1 adhd kids .

time will tell

Also not uncommon among NT kids.

But more importantly, what about seeking help for your anxiety? That was the main point of my post. IMO that is what you should concentrate on. Forget about attempting to diagnose your child.

Is any of this actually sinking in?

PP said it best. There's nothing wrong with DD, the problem is with you.

In your job, you work with someone and you find out what's wrong with them to make them act the way they do.

The only thing wrong with your DD is that she's 2.5.

Kindly, I am deeply concerned about you, and i think several other poster are also concerned. Your anxiety is concerning and you need to seek support immediately. Whether your child is, or is not, ND, your anxiety about the matter will be felt by your child. Please focus on getting yourself some support, it will help you and your child.

Also, your child not sitting in group scenarios could be seen as a curious, independent child who is confident enough to go about their own thing and not be a sheep following the crowd. Amazing trait.

Your child not sitting while you have your coffee and wanting to explore could be seen as curious, interested, finds ways to occupy herself in a very boring situation for one so young. Her asking you or dad to explore could show a safe connection, wanting to be near a trusted adult in a new environment is very normal. Amazing traits.

Your mind needs reframed. See the positives in the situations, and learn to parent your child as an individual and growing person. You have no diagnosis and nowhere near to getting one, so stop diagnosing, and parent your child who sounds fantastic. No kid wants to sit in a coffee shop, no toddler wants to stay strapped in their buggy- how boring for them in this exciting world.

Your expectations and viewpoint need to be readjusted.

Please seek support from your GP.

OP you need to cherish yourself. Your anxiety is sky high and it's making you unwell. Go to your GP and explain how you feel. You have a lovely daughter and you are her wonderful mum. You are catastrophising her behaviour and it's a spiral that you need help to address.

Has any professional raised concerns about ADHD?

Sounds like the greatest majority of 2 year olds