ADHD toddler and future

[ForLovingTealSheep]

I am at my lowest point in life and I have dealt with pretty bad stuff like cancer but this is eating me up bit by bit everyday . My 2.5 year old who’s that child who doesn’t do circle time or sit in group toddler ever and the older she gets the more difficult it becomes . I have posted many times and every time I have been told that I have Munchausen by proxy until I see my daughter being the only one out of 20 to not sit still for activities at groups and talking all the time .

We don’t have a family history of adhd and we have a total of 4 siblings between me and my partner’s family . Apart from group settings she is strong willed but generally well behaved and always follow instructions to a tee including sitting for meals at home . Sleeps 16 hours a day and eat a good diet . She is not impulsive and for her age I believe she had a good attention span around 6 to 8 minutes per activity but that’s important I guess as I have heard lots of adhd kids can focus well .

All I want to know will she have a relatively independent life and will I ever be able to go to a restaurant with her in the future without having to get up every single time or a simple coffee .

This.

My local nursery expectations for 2.5 ( I did inquire )

1. sitting for circle time at least 5 minutes
2. structured activities for 10 minutes slot
3. wait their turn and be able to stand in line before going outside .

according to the manager most kids that age should have achieved these expectations

Find a different nursery - that’s ridiculous for 2.5

My local nursery expectations for 2.5 ( I did inquire )

1. sitting for circle time at least 5 minutes
2. structured activities for 10 minutes slot
3. wait their turn and be able to stand in line before going outside .

according to the manager most kids that age should have achieved these expectations

What on earth is a forensic physiologist? I've just googled it and it returned no results at all. Just kept wanting to autocorrect to forensic psychologist.

Frankly that Nursery manager sounds mad!

we aim for that for when children are getting ready to transition into school and even then some still struggle for no reason other than being 4!

Your obsession with there being something is going to make you ill if you’re not careful. Stop trying to plan years in advance and enjoy today.

This is me typing to fast and my phone just correcting the word yes forensic psychologist
my mistake

Well not all kids will hit all milestones at the same time. Children who don't hit those specific milestones may have some slight developmental delay and be a bit slower than average in certain respects. But they could be ahead in others.

Or they may just be be bored rigid and not interested in the activity or the conversation and they haven't yet learned the art of tact and cooperation.

They may be exceptionally bright and inquisitive and independent, preferring to explore their own interests than follow the herd. They might have ADHD but it's probably too soon to tell.

Certainly absolutely nothing else you've written about your DD leads me to think it's highly likely. Most of what you describe sounds pretty typical of the 'Terrible Twos' to me.

That’s nonsense. Reception yes. 2.5. Bullshit.

yours

a mother of three.

Yes, I imagine many children can manage this within a group setting - there's an element of peer pressure. There's a reason why my kids ate all the food at nursery but I can't get them to eat a single fucking vegetable at home. They'd go to sleep in a room of other kids at nursery but here had an elaborate nap routine that used to send me round the bend.

They regulate each other, they see other kids acting and getting praise and want that too, kids generally want to get on with their activities and they all fall in so they can play. That's why childcare is actually really helpful, it's all these soft skills. There will always be kids who don't or can't follow the rules all or some of the time but most of them do for most of the time. You've seen your DD at a library story time that she wasn't that interested in and she'd rather be doing something else, she was likely there with other kids that have been in childcare since 1 and are used to the expectation of sitting still for a story as a group for a few minutes. You're projecting your feelings on to her and you've decided that labelling her as ADHD is easier than just accepting that she might prefer to run round or she might not have the same experience in a group setting as her peers.

Put her in nursery, go back to work, use your brain to focus on something else because your behaviour isn't helpful.

Yes, we've established you have a chatty and energetic child. That can be a symptom of ADHD. Based on the fact that she has no other symptoms of ADHD and you've described having good levels of concentration, ability to follow instructions, and a high level of boredom tolerance for a 2.5yo, I do not think you need to disclose this to the nursery.

She doesn't have any special needs.

Is it appealing to you to be the mum of a special needs child and to know that motherhood is extra challenging for you because your child is different?

this
i rest my case on ADHD the label everyone wants and definitely one for the latest parenting trend also I reckon because of this gets handed out way to easy weather it needed or not

It’s not a label it’s a diagnosis. I didn’t get it til I was in my 40s.

Just because some parents think their child has ADHD because they like to chat doesn’t mean they will come close to meeting the criteria for a diagnosis. From what has been said here no educational setting would show concerns enough to refer and no medical practise would accept it based on just the parents reporting.

This with bells on.

But you're not doing age-appropriate activities with her. Going for a coffee is not suitable for a 2.5 year old. You need to be more child-focused.

You seem to want your 2 year old to behave like a six year old and you want to pathologise her because she doesn't.

Really 🤔
I highly doubt the nursery can set conditions like this. Where is this nursery? What age do they take children on from? Would love to know more about this place!

Please stop with the patronising BS

I honestly can’t believe how misinformed someone who presumably has done research on ADHD can be.

As for the

All I want to know will she have a relatively independent life

What effect do you think ADHD has on people? Are you expecting we run around all day shitting and pissing ourselves and can’t be let out to mix with the public?

Also saying there is no family history indicates you have all been tested. I suspect you mean that no one has been diagnosed with ADHD in your family yet.

I doubt your dd has ADHD and suspect she isn’t getting enough exercise.

I have 2 children with ADHD as well as having ADHD.
Neither child by even 18 months old, let alone 2.5years old would be sleeping more than 8 hours per night, no day time naps and could manage a 2-3 mile dog walk each day without the need for a push chair.

I suspect you have read that children with adhd run around and don’t sit still which might hold true for some boys but girls are different.

If anything it is the other little girls who sit in circle time who could potentially have ADHD. They will look like they are being quiet and doing as they are told but their minds are racing. Listening to what is going on in the room is just 1 of 10,000 other thoughts going through their heads at once.

Easy?

In our case, between 5 & 6 hours of face to face assessments. Plus several parental questionnaires AND online screen based tests for the child (which is a nightmare when they already have concentration issues).

1 with a paediatrician.
1 with a educational psychologist.
1 with an occupational therapist.

Now, I appreciate the judgement on this thread is off the scale, but if anyone thinks an ADHD assessment is 'easy' they really have no understanding of what takes place in these assessments and are just lazily following the trashy Daily Fail bias.

Yeah it was fuck easy to get diagnosed and get my dd diagnosed. A walk in the fucking park.

not.

We have 4 siblings between me and my husband and neither have ever displaying any traits we could focus on schoolwork despite knowing that at times it was boring ( then high school hit and became very academic and contributed to thrive at uni ) my husband and his brother were the most relaxed boys ever ( according to my MIL never had a tantrum ) . She gets exercise everyday day 2 hours in the morning then she naps from 11.30 to 1.30 and then 2 hours again in the afternoon.

You know your mil is wearing rose tinted glasses don’t you?

This has been, I have to admit, a strange read for me. Your daughter is 2.5yo and as a mum of two and auntie to many, I have to be completely honest and say her behaviour sounds so completely within the ‘normal’ bounds and my instinct is that it’s your anxiety looking for issues and, perhaps, there’s some truth in saying she feeds off that energy, so to speak. Maybe she has got adhd, but I don’t think it’s so easy to know until children are rather older.