DH away for a week. Dismayed by how little I miss him.

[Bleachedlevis]

Not really AIBU but I would be reassured to hear from anyone who has had a similar experience.
We are in our 70s. Retired. DH is not a drunk, doesn’t abuse me, sleep around, doesn’t shout or bang doors…He does loads in the house: washing, ironing, bed changing, dusting and he is tidy.
But after a few days on my own I realise how relaxed I am. Everything feels so peaceful. I have had unbidden feelings of gratitude:

• that I don’t have to make a proper meal for two. It’s so nice to boil up some pasta and stir some sauce through.
• that I can, for example, leave the iron out to continue ironing the next day without him putting it away insisting he will get it out for me again tomorrow
• that I am not constantly being asked questions: “is this for the rubbish?” “ what time do you want to go shopping?”

Sounds petty but these are only 3 examples of many. I am actually shocked that I am not particularly looking forward to him coming home and I wish he were away for another week. I honestly never thought I would feel like this. Does anyone else enjoy life on their own when DH is away?

I always joke with my family that if I lived on my own, I’d be happy with a nice piece of cheese for my tea. OP’s pasta and homemade sauce sounds far too complicated.

I think “Fuck off” is a reasonable response to your goady post.

Sounds very normal - its surprisingly relaxing not having to negotiate with someone else all day and having the space to yourself, even if you love them.

My personal break is catsitting for my sister. Alone in her house with 2 cats and a netflix sub was great actually :) Obv nice to get back to home and OH also.

Perfect response

What @Bleachedlevis said.

A pilot light! Yes, perfectly put.

I can identify with this. My DH has recently retired and I'm finding it tough to adapt. He constantly asks if I'm Ok and do I want a cup of tea. Follows me around the house and asks what I'm doing. Asks ten times a day what we are having for our evening meal.
He also has memory issues following a stroke, so I have to constantly check what he's doing and keep him right.
I do love him and appreciate that it's so hard when you lose your partner, but adapting to them being around 24/7 is hard.
I do go out to things in the community and he occasionally goes fishing, which is my happy time.

DH already WFH 4 days a week and I am absolutely dreading retirement. I am going to increase my solo travel. When I retire too, I am going to go away for a month at a time.

Not when you've been doing it for half a century. I'd love a week off.

We've had this argument, I've finally convinced him because he's moaning that he needs to lose weight that he doesn't need a meat and three vegetables every night. An egg on toast, cheese, biscuits and fruit is fine for supper. My appetite has shrunk with age we really don't need all the calories, especially when he also has a sweet tooth

OP, we've lived together for 24 years and are close and loving — and I too love it when my partner is away and I can have a break from factoring her preferences and schedule into everything. We're not very routine, but it's bliss having only myself to consider.

It's lovely having no expectations to fulfil. I'm a good cook and do most of the cooking. We eat well, but on my own I love being able to eat the things I like but my partner doesn't, or pick bits from the fridge. The idea from a PP that doing this for a few days is not valuing yourself by undertaking the labour of making an exquisite little healthy mean just makes me want to headbutt that PP, frankly.

Now we're retired and around each other much of the time, I'm working on ways to make more space for myself. We get along well but sometimes I prefer to do stuff on my own. I've taken up a couple of hobbies that get me away for a week a couple of times a year and recently I went to visit a cousin who lives 300 miles away. I booked a holiday cottage for three nights and met my cousin for a lovely long lunch. The rest of the time I thoroughly enjoyed some solitary time walking and exploring the area and doing what I wanted when I felt like it. I think I will be visiting that cousin, and various other relatives and old friends, annually. Three days away on my own each month, doing what I feel like in the moment, would suit me nicely. Enjoy your alone time without guilt, OP.

Lost mine 8 months ago, would give anything to have him back (and I thoroughly enjoyed my week of him playing golf abroad every year).

Mmmm - you’re right. Green Flag should be Red Flag 😆

Same! My DH is an Airline pilot and is away from home frequently, I see it as my opportunity not to cook, I just have tea and toast in front of the TV (what I want to watch hehe)

I am so sorry. 🌺

I've lived alone before and absolutely loved it.

In fact, we're relocating, and it will mean DH needs to stay away one night a week, and I'm really looking forward to it!

I holiday alone occasionally too.

It's healthy to enjoy your own company now and then. And very satisfying to have control of everything in your environment.

I literally use the same plate for every single meal when I'm alone, it gets washed 3x a day :D

We spend time apart, not on a regular basis but a few times a year and like you I don't necessarily miss my DH as I hope he'll come home safely.

I do value the time alone though, and a bit like you if a sandwich is all I want for dinner then so be it.

It's only DH and myself at home now and there's never really much to see to.
DH has planned a trip away in a few weeks time, only a long weekend but I can honesty say I'm already looking forward to a few days on my own, I've even told family and friends I'm unavailable for that weekend as I want to have the whole time to myself, doing as little or as much as I choose.

I totally understand where you are coming from OP. But as other people have said, you know that he is coming back.
I raised my son alone and I remember the sheer loneliness of it all.
Now that he is grown, I have a relationship but it really irritates me when he stays at mine and routine seems to be dominated by his needs.
That is why I live separately but if it had been a LT relationship (ie since my son was a baby), I wouldn't have that option.
My point is you can't have it both ways and your feelings are normal

Absence makes the heart grow fonder and all that. We can all do with a break from the things we love most! It gives perspective but also allows us to indulge ourselves. It doesn’t mean you don’t love him anymore. Enjoy it!

We will for sure do ‘fend for yourself dinner nights’ when the kids leave, but my dh won’t be at all surprised I feel like doing that!

Or he could be responsible for cooking a meal seven times a week ( without asking every ten seconds how to turn the oven on, find the colander, use the dishwasher etc etc)

I am sorry OP but if you have been married a long time you are the one who has taught him that being deliberately incompetent works because you pick up the slack every time. Time to prove that the old saying “can’t teach an old dog new tricks.” Is a lie! You can, it just takes patience and determination.

Enjoying your own company is fine. You probably need to carve out time for yourself. Would you want to be by yourself full time.

It's perfectly normal. My DH works away and I don't particularly miss him. I eat the food he dislikes, go to bed mega early with the dogs in the bed and generally enjoy the solitude. When he comes home, I love us being back together.

Tonight it's pasta with griddled courgettes, prawns, lemon and ricotta. He would hate it.

My DH is going back to the UK for a week next month and I'm secretly quite looking forward to pasta with sauce out of a jar. Doesn't mean I don't love DH.