DH away for a week. Dismayed by how little I miss him.

[Bleachedlevis]

Not really AIBU but I would be reassured to hear from anyone who has had a similar experience.
We are in our 70s. Retired. DH is not a drunk, doesn’t abuse me, sleep around, doesn’t shout or bang doors…He does loads in the house: washing, ironing, bed changing, dusting and he is tidy.
But after a few days on my own I realise how relaxed I am. Everything feels so peaceful. I have had unbidden feelings of gratitude:

• that I don’t have to make a proper meal for two. It’s so nice to boil up some pasta and stir some sauce through.
• that I can, for example, leave the iron out to continue ironing the next day without him putting it away insisting he will get it out for me again tomorrow
• that I am not constantly being asked questions: “is this for the rubbish?” “ what time do you want to go shopping?”

Sounds petty but these are only 3 examples of many. I am actually shocked that I am not particularly looking forward to him coming home and I wish he were away for another week. I honestly never thought I would feel like this. Does anyone else enjoy life on their own when DH is away?

Not unreasonable. My fave night of the week is the night my DH plays in the pool league. Peace and quiet !

It's probably the now enjoyment. If it was permanent then it would be different. Nothing wrong with enjoying some time alone. There is also the security of knowing it isn't forever. I love having the day to myself as I'm fairly solitary but I also enjoy the return of the spouse. Nothing worse than pining after someone or sitting around twiddling your thumbs waiting for their return.

This is of course irrelevant if you are unhappy in your relationship

Exactly

Its normal 🤣 My husband has a couple of golf trips abroad every year absolutely love it and can't wait.
As do the other golf wives.

When my mum used to come and stay with me for a few days, my dad used to wink and say, thanks, it’s a break for both of us!!! I’ve been with my DH for 34 years and regularly, at least twice a year, I have a week away just staying with a friend or my now very elderly parents (66 years together). He misses me far more than I miss him, but I’m always glad to see him when I get back. That space is necessary for a good healthy relationship I think.

I see it differently again as I would consider pasta and sauce to be a real meal and not just a snack or something quick. She should be able to choose what they eat sometimes or each do their own meal.

I leave the ironing board up for weeks or months sometimes. If there's space, what's the problem? He sounds like a neat freak. OP can keep him!

We're also in our 70's and it's not unusual for my DH to be away for a few days. I quite enjoy it, eating what I like and having the bed to myself. It would be different if I knew he would never be home.
I should add that I was often alone during the working week when he was younger, I did miss him when I had DC at home as there was no respite!

I understand completely, I’m a bit younger than you and it was so lovely after a busy time in our lives ,my husband travelled away for a few days and on one of those days my youngest daughter was away with friends for dinner .
I had a very simple meal and watched whatever I wanted on TV plus snuggled the dog

A week without having the remote hog at home. Bliss !

🤣

I agree, it’s very different knowing they are coming back. If he was never coming back again, I think you’d feel quite different but it does sound as though you need to carve out some time for yourself to do your own thing.

Urgh, why are people so obsessed with pasta? Such a bland non-food!

I’d be annoyed about the iron thing. Do you do his ironing? If he put it away and then failed to get it back out then I absolutely wouldn’t do his ironing for him.

Overall he sounds pretty reasonable though. Maybe you’re just not cut out for sharing a home life with another person? There’s got to be enough love/bond to mean you can overlook some minor annoyances in a relationship if you want to live together. There’s absolutely things that I don’t mind my partner doing that I’d be annoyed if a lodger or live-in friend did.

Totally normal and very healthy. It's like a little holiday to yourself and breathing space.

I am super sociable and extroverted, but need a lot of alone time to recharge, to the point I couldn't cope with living with others. If I did live with someone I would absolutely be craving the alone time and love it.

It sounds awful, and although I obviously don't like that someone is feeling ill, on the rare occasions my partner is unwell and cancels plans to meet up, I kind of enjoy having a rare weekend evening to myself at home.

I cooked so much for my DH when I was doing a phd and had three other Jobs. ended up in psychosis.

for soem reason every annoyance flew past me and I didnt feel them until the stress landed me up in psychosis

In what way is pasta with vegetable sauce not a balanced meal???

OK not loads of protein but great if you had protein at lunch.

DH and I get on great but I do have a "and relax" feeling after we have been on 2 weeks holiday together spending every moment together.

My DH works shifts and despite him doing 95% of the cooking, I love being able to pick my own dinner sometimes e.g cereal, cheese on toast, poached egg on toast (anything quick, easy and next to no washing up) rather than the proper meat and 2 veg type proper meals DH always makes.

It's good to have some alone time, doesn't mean you would feel the same if it was permanent.

its weird becasue my husabnd and I could spend six weeks together and all be fine but there were other ways he. totally broke e in our marriage. I couldnt see it because we got on so well when we were together. I ended up in psychosis and lost everything id worked for.

This is why I don't want to retire