DH away for a week. Dismayed by how little I miss him.

[Bleachedlevis]

Not really AIBU but I would be reassured to hear from anyone who has had a similar experience.
We are in our 70s. Retired. DH is not a drunk, doesn’t abuse me, sleep around, doesn’t shout or bang doors…He does loads in the house: washing, ironing, bed changing, dusting and he is tidy.
But after a few days on my own I realise how relaxed I am. Everything feels so peaceful. I have had unbidden feelings of gratitude:

• that I don’t have to make a proper meal for two. It’s so nice to boil up some pasta and stir some sauce through.
• that I can, for example, leave the iron out to continue ironing the next day without him putting it away insisting he will get it out for me again tomorrow
• that I am not constantly being asked questions: “is this for the rubbish?” “ what time do you want to go shopping?”

Sounds petty but these are only 3 examples of many. I am actually shocked that I am not particularly looking forward to him coming home and I wish he were away for another week. I honestly never thought I would feel like this. Does anyone else enjoy life on their own when DH is away?

This is totally normal to me OP. I feel the same way when my kids are away. I had a very quiet summer, my eldest recently moved out, my older teen was working away for the summer, my youngest went to her aunts for a month. Only dh and son at home.

Blissfully quiet and simple.

I have friends who live totally alone and sometimes I envy them a little.

But do I really want all my kids and spouse gone? Forever? No, not so much.

My husband works away one week in four. I love it- means I can watch Location Location Location and go to bed at 8.30 with a camomile tea. I know how to live 😂

Good god that sounds like torture! You should say something and put an end to that. I would go mad.

Totally normal, OP, I'm the same when my beloved DH is away with work for a while. It's very peaceful and easy! I prefer having him at home, but a bit of downtime is always a good thing.

As far as easy meals go - when I was a teenager my parents would occasionally designate a day where dinner was to be "servez-vous". Everyone made their own thing to their own preference, no shame no judgement. It worked really well! Sometimes DH and I will do the same after feeding the kids earlier in the evening.

Believe me, you would miss him if you knew he would never be coming back

Thank you, thank you, thank you MNs! I cannot tell you how much you have helped and relieved I am to know I am normal. I was looking at my situation from completely the wrong angle.
I am going to enjoy my last couple of days happily. I have booked us a table at a local restaurant for the first evening he is home so we can catchup over a leisurely meal.
I could have confided in a friend but I much preferred the anonymity of MN.
And thank goodness that no-one wrote any daft responses like LTB or ‘rethink your relationship’ or ‘ you resent him and wish he were DEAD!” ( well maybe not the last one 😁)

I know. And my sympathy to anyone on here who has lost their DH or DP.

Quite normal! Also in out 70s, I've started going on solo wildlife hols, because DH isn't interested. I'm finding that I love being away on my own, and I'm fairly sure he enjoys being on his own at home too. But, as someone has already said, we know we will be together again, and that makes a big difference. Enjoy your time on your own!

I recommend solo travel to all women in long term relationships. Many women respond as if I have suggested murdering their husbands, though.

Oh I have! Then he might turn it off for like half an hour the next night when we're eating dinner and I still have to listen to him eating so it's not any better. Then it's forgotten about until I mention it again. I've pretty much given up and I now spend most evenings in the bedroom or study with the door shut to minimise the noise.

@TaborlinTheGreat Pasta contains some protein, lots of carbs.
Pasta sauce - UPF, some vits and mins, tiny bit of protein, some fibre.

Every meal doesn't have to be balanced but pasta and pasta sauce isn't remotely balanced.

If I was cooking it, I'd chuck in some protein ,e,g, soya chunks or tinned beans, and some veg that would cook quickly (spinach or similar).

Perfectly normal.

I love my DP to bits and the thought of losing him is unbearable but I still love a week to myself now and again, doing my own thing, having the whole bed to myself, not having to plan meals with someone else, watching whatever I want on the telly etc.

same here. Mine died 14 years ago and its so different when you knwo they are never coming back.

Yes, perfectly normal.

I'd say it was you are enjoying the peace and quiet and freedom, but while you are, the little pilot light of being loved and supported by your DH is still on.

When they've gone for good, it isn't.

But you aren't cooking it. OP was cooking it and she did what she wanted because she could - which was the whole point of the thread. She has got herself to 70 quite well so far.

My DH works away during the week. It's great! I don't really miss him, unless I'm feeling low/lonely. We did have a few years of him being very unwell with his mental health and living on the sofa in his dressing gown of doom 24/7 so I think I just got far too much of his company then and he did nothing around the house apart from cook dinner, so there wasn't much to miss when he went back to working!
He misses us a lot more as he's the one away from home and I've got a house full of teenagers to chat to if I want to. I imagine it will feel very different when they leave home, maybe I will get some hobbies and friends! But I enjoy him being home for 48 hours every week and do look forward to seeing him.

My (totally unsubstantiated) theory is that we are all under the influence of our reproductive hormones during our child-bearing years, and in the interests of continuation of the species, they convince us that living with a man is tolerable. Then we hit menopause and those hormones stop working, and we start to realise that solitude or freedom is equally, if not more, pleasant. DH is fine, as men go, but my retirement plans involve spending half the year in sunnier climes while he pursues his dream of being a lifelong workaholic. I don't intend to miss him, and I am sure he'll be too busy to notice my absence. Equally, we will enjoy spending 6 months together in the UK (in my case, safe in the knowledge that I can soon bugger off elsewhere with a pile of books for some peace and solitude!) Absence makes the heart grow fonder and all that.

Younger then you but been with dh 10 years now I’m mostly home and he works long days for 5 days a week I work from home I actually don’t like being without him even in the day and he always prefers me to be next to him when he’s home he hates sitting alone and we generally do just like to be near each other but we’ve always been like that he doesn’t go away without me his choice and I don’t without him my choice i don’t think theirs anything wrong with the fact you are enjoying your own company when your husband isn’t their

I completely understand OP and I think a lot of women feel the same way. Men have a way of taking up space and time and attention that women just don't.

Does your husband also have hobbies and a social life that takes him out of the house and away from you that means you get the house to yourself?

Definitely tell him when you don't feel like cooking or eating something elaborate. He can make himself something those nights.

The older generation are like this. If my Mum is going out for dinner, she'll make my Dad's dinner first. He does a lot round the house but he also gets three meals a day placed in front of him whether he wants them or not. I think it's ridiculous and he does a bit too, but it's also true that he will just not eat if left to his own devices.

I'd imagine a lit if people feel like this when their partner is away for a short amount of time. It is nice to be home alone.

@Createausername1970 , yes but not by surviving off meals for 1.

In a pp, I said pot noodle was fine as a one-off, so bog off.

Yes, every day I wake up happy there is no man in my life. I love the freedom and the ability to get on with my responsibilities and hobbies without having to consider another adult every single time. Living man-free is just, well I highly recommend it.

Why are people talking about pasta and pot noodles?

Because
that I don’t have to make a proper meal for two. It’s so nice to boil up some pasta and stir some sauce through.