To have been half naked in front of other children?

[BrieEncounter]

I had an encounter yesterday that has made me question myself and whether what I did was inappropriate.

I regularly swim at my local health club and often go during my lunchtimes. With summer holidays there are lots of children there which is, of course, absolutely fine.

The club has separate changing areas: a large open room to one side for families with children (with baby change etc), a large female only changing area that also has at the back a section for ‘adults only’..and then the same for men’s.

I got changed in my usual spot which is in the female changing rooms, but not in the ‘adult only’ section.

When I returned from swimming there were a couple of women also in this area wrangling their children. The kids were all boys but very young: I’d say eldest was 8ish so not old enough to go into the men’s rooms
alone.

I didn’t think much of it and started to get changed after a shower. I’d got my shorts on under my towel and was putting my bra on. I dropped the towel but then realised the straps had loosened so I took it off, adjusted the straps and put it back on again. I had my bra off for maybe 30 seconds whilst doing this.

As I was putting my top on, one of the women started shouting at me and accusing me of flashing her children. That if I was going to be naked I should move to the ‘adults only’ section. I didn’t really know how to respond and pointed out this was a changing room and equally, she could have gone to the family room. She said the room was too small for her and her friend together and I was completely inappropriate.

She then rushed the kids out and said she’d be speaking to the manager on her way out.

There was no one else in this part of the changing rooms but several women (in various states of undress) popped their heads around the corner to see what the fuss was about. I was mortified so just got dressed and packed up as fast as I could.

When I left, I mentioned what had happened to the receptionist who said that someone had made a complaint about inappropriateness with young children in the changing room! She said they had flagged it to the manager who would be in tomorrow (now today) who will review it.

Im due to go at lunchtime and can’t quite believe it.

Was it unreasonable to have been (momentarily) topless in front of young children?

Happy memories of the communal changing room in Dorothy Perkins!

Why?

I hate those David Lloyd changing rooms - you literally have no choice but to strip off in the communal area as our one has one tiny coffin like cubicle. So no, YANBU as they are clearly set up for communal nudity.

However as mum to two boys, it can get tricky. So it was really her responsibility to use the family room. I find some mums take boys into the women’s room long after they should be changing themselves. I’ve seen 10 years olds in the women’s room having a curious gander about. By about 8 my boys would have been going to the men’s and changing themselves. And my boys would have been quite able to vocalise anything they were concerned about. It helped they were in a two.

She needs to safeguard her own kids; that’s not your responsibility. And if she goes on any beach on the continent, the kids will get an eyeful.

YANBU at all.

When we were DL members, kids of the opposite sex couldn’t be in the changing room when aged 8 upwards.

The open adult area is tiny so no way would all the adults have managed to fit in there.

To be fair, one of the reasons we left was because my son has just turned 8 and the family area only had 2 small cubicles and 2 small showers so you could be waiting ages, wet and cold to get changed. I couldn’t bring my son into the female changing room but no way would I have sent him alone aged 8 to the male changing room.

If it’s similar at yours, that’s not your problem at all though.

The other woman was being ridiculous. How is the sight of a naked woman (or man, for that matter) going to affect young children? It's perfectly natural and her hysterical reaction is far more likely to damage her DC than a quick flash of a pair of boobs.

I get naked when getting changed in communal changing rooms. That’s what changing rooms are for! She’s being ridiculous. You didn’t flash her children. Don’t stress.

I would make a counter complaint that she brought boys into the women only section. There was a family section where she might have a reasonable expectation that people would be sensitive to the presence of children but you can't encroach on another area and demand the same consideration. Needing to get changed in the same space as her friend is a bit of a pathetic excuse.

I don’t really understand what she was expecting in a communal changing room tbh.

This 👆

Why is the mother sexualising your body. You were getting changed after swimming fgs not doing a burlesque tassle trick. Honestly, some people are bonkers.

Well I did same yesterday, I try to cover up a bit more not to ‘frighten the children’ if younger kids are in but boobs in a changing room are fine. I would put in a complaint about being harassed.

The other people could have gone in the families space, but as they were already in the female space when you arrived to change, I think I would have gone into the adults only part. Not a huge deal, though.

It's incredible that David Lloyd is so expensive but you don't get cubicles. I went there once as a guest and I was horrified I had to change out in the open. Nearly didn't even go swimming because of it. Can't they afford to put cubicles in with the thousands of millions it costs to be a member.

Isn’t breastfeeding in public acceptable anyway? The kid could see a boob anywhere.

God they'd have a shock if they went swimming in some other European/Scandinavian countries 🤣

@Griffalo123 8 is the cut off at my DL too.

The Adult only section at my gym is the first bay as you walk into the room so the least discreet as everyone entering has full view.

Just another voice to say YADNBU! And god forbid she ever takes the children swimming in Europe 🤣

I’m also slightly intrigued the gymnastics she’d have to do in the family changing room so her children didn’t see her naked?! It’s attitudes like this that cause body hang ups and too many men to think women should all look like porn stars.

I don't think you did anything wrong. The women in the changing room at my pool get naked. It's a changing room, that's what people do there. If this woman has such a complex about it, she should use a family room.

I'm with you. The only thing I disagree with is you saying an 8 year old boy is too young to go to the men's changing room alone. My children are adults so maybe things have changed but when they were little, 8 years old was the cut off point for taking a child into the opposite sex changing rooms. Or if you absolutely had to take an older child of the opposite sex in with you, you went into a cubicle (or private space, eg family room) to protect the sensibilities of other people.

Just to be clear, I have no problem at all with the 8 year old (and Im only guessing but he was max 8) being there. Almost daily when I get changed there have been kids of various ages running around or being hurried up by their mums over the holidays. But I think most expect that other women will carry on as usual around them.

There were a total of 5 kids with these women. The youngest looked about 3 and I think they’d just done a swim class of some kind or some activity.

So I don’t mind the kids being there at all. And I was more modest that I usually am as I usually don’t bother covering myself fully with a towel once I’m dry but I do this when I see kids around so try and be a little more discreet.

But my locker was in that section so I just didn’t think to move.

Im off there in an hour so will ask to speak to the manager and see what his view is. I don’t intend to complain about her and I hope he sort of rolls his eyes alongside me!

She wasn't naked though. She put her shorts on under her towel and it was only the bra adjustment that caused OP to be topless for 30 seconds. There was a family room that this woman could have used. For some reason, some people are really weird about women's boobs, which is one of the reasons why women often find breastfeeding in public an ordeal.

Surprised at the responses, I wonder if it was a man who exposed himself in front of young girls if the responses would be the same, I think clearly it was done without thought, but personally I’d have moved to the adult only area if there was children there,

She's bonkers - it's just some boobs.

Where I go swimming the womens changing room only has one tiny cubicle for a family to use, everyone else just changes in the main area. Tits and fanny everywhere. And that's absolutely fine because it's the context of being naked that matters here, and you were doing a totally normal thing. Anyone getting worked up about that needs to reflect on themselves a bit.

Good grief. She was in the women’s changing rooms at a gym. What was she expecting to see? Flamenco dancing? It is absolutely normal to see women’s bodies in the women’s changing rooms. In the gym I go to, we don’t walk around naked, but neither do we do the full ‘under the towel’ shuffle we’d do at the beach, and surely she should have known that. She made the judgement call that it was suitable for her family. You haven’t done anything wrong OP. That woman sounds unhinged.

You did nothing wrong. It’s a changing room. The mother had the choice to use the family changing area.
In my gym children 8 & over must use the correct changing room.

People are weird. Just got back from France and it was lovely to see, mainly wrinkly old ladies with their baps out!