To have been half naked in front of other children?

[BrieEncounter]

I had an encounter yesterday that has made me question myself and whether what I did was inappropriate.

I regularly swim at my local health club and often go during my lunchtimes. With summer holidays there are lots of children there which is, of course, absolutely fine.

The club has separate changing areas: a large open room to one side for families with children (with baby change etc), a large female only changing area that also has at the back a section for ‘adults only’..and then the same for men’s.

I got changed in my usual spot which is in the female changing rooms, but not in the ‘adult only’ section.

When I returned from swimming there were a couple of women also in this area wrangling their children. The kids were all boys but very young: I’d say eldest was 8ish so not old enough to go into the men’s rooms
alone.

I didn’t think much of it and started to get changed after a shower. I’d got my shorts on under my towel and was putting my bra on. I dropped the towel but then realised the straps had loosened so I took it off, adjusted the straps and put it back on again. I had my bra off for maybe 30 seconds whilst doing this.

As I was putting my top on, one of the women started shouting at me and accusing me of flashing her children. That if I was going to be naked I should move to the ‘adults only’ section. I didn’t really know how to respond and pointed out this was a changing room and equally, she could have gone to the family room. She said the room was too small for her and her friend together and I was completely inappropriate.

She then rushed the kids out and said she’d be speaking to the manager on her way out.

There was no one else in this part of the changing rooms but several women (in various states of undress) popped their heads around the corner to see what the fuss was about. I was mortified so just got dressed and packed up as fast as I could.

When I left, I mentioned what had happened to the receptionist who said that someone had made a complaint about inappropriateness with young children in the changing room! She said they had flagged it to the manager who would be in tomorrow (now today) who will review it.

Im due to go at lunchtime and can’t quite believe it.

Was it unreasonable to have been (momentarily) topless in front of young children?

YANBU - I would make a counter complaint that she made you feel uncomfortable with the young boys in there making a big deal of it! I am a member of the same and If the family changing rooms are too small for her and her friend then that's the problem for the club, not your problem. I have had injuries before where its difficult not to flash some flesh. Some people are just out to cause issues for drama.

Going against the grain here but I think the 8 year old boy should have been taken into the family area & that she (his mother) behaved inappropriately in the first place in having him in an open plan female changing room. (It should not be for women to manage this by moving to an adult only area- the onus is on the parent bringing a child of this age group into the changing area.)

i have boys & at 8 they are naturally curious about women’s bodies. This is not in a sexual sense at all, not suggesting that, just curiosity, but women should have the choice about whether to gratify this curiosity - and just using a female changing room does not signal willingness to do this. (I also think the mother’s reaction shows that she knows perfectly well that 8 year olds have this curiosity & will notice bodies in a way a 4 year old, say, doesn’t.)

By making such a fuss the mother has made this into an even bigger issue & something her son will remember. Very silly mother & disrespectful of other women & their right to privacy.

If D Lloyd is going to have words with anyone, it should be her, not you.

100% her issue, not yours. Another fine example of entitlement.

Instagram is that way >

If it’s a communal changing room, then the odd bit of nudity is to be expected.

As others have said, she could have gone to the family area.

You were respectful in my opinion, and should not be embarrassed. There was nothing inappropriate about your behaviour.

I mean, the clue is in the name "changing room". What a daft cow.

Also, god forbid her precious children ever see topless women on a beach / round the swimming pool on holiday. Is she going to report them too?

To be clear, I don't know they do - but I can see it would make sense that they might. E.g. I have had people repeatedly sitting super close in the sauna when there was plenty of room not to and I did make a complaint about that, so I can see they would have to have a way of dealing with inappropriate behaviour complaints?

All open plan-no cubicles unless you take yourself off to the loos!

So where was she expecting you to get changed then?

If you don't want to see people getting changed in a changing room then I think it's your responsibility to go to a more private area.

This.

I have boys (now grown up) and when they were young I would have taken them to the family area. Not because of fear they would have been corrupted by seeing a nipple, but because I understand that females in the changing room of any age may feel uncomfortable with any male present even young boys (when I was a little girl I’d have been horrified to get changed in front of little boys). Whilst you could have gone to the adult only area, you didn’t have to, and this is very much a “her” problem. I hope the manager tells her to fuck off and get a grip.

I wouldn’t have got changed in an area where there are children, but only because lots of my pupils use my DL gym and I don’t want them to see me naked 😆

Yeah I agree, I probably wouldve just gone to the adults section

But I dont think you are unreasonable at all, its a womens changing room. I think that the woman probably likes starting arguments with innocent people

In the ‘adult only’ section at the back of the open plan changing rooms. Lockers sort of obscure it from the rest of the area.

The woman was a deranged weirdo. You did nothing wrong

Its a female changing room for females to change in.

If a female with children gets changed in the family area, she is not flashing. Shes getting changed in the family area.

A female without children is exactly the same as her, minus the children.

The definition of flashing does not require an absence of children accompanying you.

The adult only area is for adults who don't want to get changed around children and is optional. Not the other way round where unaccompanied adults MUST change there.

If this is about the protection of children it makes no sense because you have to walk through the family section to get to the adult section, thus seeing all the children naked, with their naked mothers and their friends and the friend's naked mothers.

The adult only section is for the privacy of the adult females who want to change without screaming children running around their ankles.

Yes, I have two infant age boys and we go regularly. I never take them to the main female changing room and always to the family area, no matter how busy.

This isn’t because I think women will flash them, it’s more that I know they will run around talking about their willies whilst shooting pretend spiderman webs at everyone!

Oh I see.

Personally I would have gone there if an 8 year old boy was in the main area, but to protect my own privacy in the presence of a boy who is almost too old to be in the women's changing rooms, not to protect him from accidentally seeing a bum.

But the choice whether to do that or not is yours.

I don’t think you were unreasonable at all. I hope you’re not too worried about this, OP.

Not unreasonable, at all.
Her problem not yours.

I’d have nicely suggested to them moving to the family section. I’d have then just gone to the adult section to change.

Another vote for YANBU. I have an 8 year old DS and it would be my choice as to which changing rooms I used with him but if I chose a communal adults area then it has to be expected that he may say stuff. The choice is on the mother. She was out of order to shout at you as she did. You did nothing wrong. You got changed in a communal changing area. I expect if it is looked in to at the gym then it will only be a routine thing that they have to follow up any complaints. She should have been in the private family area if she was concerned. She didn’t have to get changed with her friend and they have no right to commandeer the rest of the changing room just because they want to be together.

Exactly! It’s right at the back so you have to walk through everyone to get there. I agree, it’s not to protect the children

I think she was inappropriate to bring boys into the female changing room.

Mixed-sex groups where some need supervision should be in the family room. It's down to the user to make sure their group is a suitable size for the facilities available.