To have been half naked in front of other children?

[BrieEncounter]

I had an encounter yesterday that has made me question myself and whether what I did was inappropriate.

I regularly swim at my local health club and often go during my lunchtimes. With summer holidays there are lots of children there which is, of course, absolutely fine.

The club has separate changing areas: a large open room to one side for families with children (with baby change etc), a large female only changing area that also has at the back a section for ‘adults only’..and then the same for men’s.

I got changed in my usual spot which is in the female changing rooms, but not in the ‘adult only’ section.

When I returned from swimming there were a couple of women also in this area wrangling their children. The kids were all boys but very young: I’d say eldest was 8ish so not old enough to go into the men’s rooms
alone.

I didn’t think much of it and started to get changed after a shower. I’d got my shorts on under my towel and was putting my bra on. I dropped the towel but then realised the straps had loosened so I took it off, adjusted the straps and put it back on again. I had my bra off for maybe 30 seconds whilst doing this.

As I was putting my top on, one of the women started shouting at me and accusing me of flashing her children. That if I was going to be naked I should move to the ‘adults only’ section. I didn’t really know how to respond and pointed out this was a changing room and equally, she could have gone to the family room. She said the room was too small for her and her friend together and I was completely inappropriate.

She then rushed the kids out and said she’d be speaking to the manager on her way out.

There was no one else in this part of the changing rooms but several women (in various states of undress) popped their heads around the corner to see what the fuss was about. I was mortified so just got dressed and packed up as fast as I could.

When I left, I mentioned what had happened to the receptionist who said that someone had made a complaint about inappropriateness with young children in the changing room! She said they had flagged it to the manager who would be in tomorrow (now today) who will review it.

Im due to go at lunchtime and can’t quite believe it.

Was it unreasonable to have been (momentarily) topless in front of young children?

They’re nuts. When in a female changing room it’s expected that females will be changing.

I would also like to know how the manager will review it? Do they have cameras in there and what sex is said manager to check them?

“He’d of been arrested” is your first clue here. Sorry.

Disregard & proceed.

Unless you’d donned nipple tassels and were prancing around with your bits flying around, then she’s being ridiculous. You got your boobs out to sort your bra in a female changing space. I have a boy in that age range and, as he gets older, sometimes the changing room environment isn’t ideal for him or (probably) other women. But we just crack on, wobble about trying to shove wet legs into onesies as quickly as possible and exit. Honestly, I would have absolutely no idea if someone was doing a dance behind me such is the focus on speed and efficiency in a changing room (and neither would he). YANBU

If It is like the David Lloyd I go to. It is a women’s changing room with an adult area so that you can escape children not so children don’t see adults changing. The whole area is for women to change in. That is why boys over eight are supposed to be in the men’s changing room.

Good result, hope she learns a lesson from it as the tables were turned on her😂😂

Ludicrous - it’s a changing room! Where people’s bodies are naturally visible!

FFS there is nothing wrong with the natural state of the body. It’s a huge shame that kids can’t just see normal adult bodies of the same sex just quietly getting changed in a completely non-sexual way. How will her kids learn to think about bodies as just normal things of all shapes and sizes?

Also people here would be absolutely baffled by Japan. When I lived there we all bathed naked together in the onsens including boys aged under 7 with their mums. It’s normal and communal. Unless you make them sexual bodies doing non sexual things are just bodies.

Indeed, and think about Scandinavia; or indeed Finland, where communal naked saunas are totally normal! Friends of mine who grew up in Germany and the Netherlands are always totally baffled at the weird behaviour of Brits in changing rooms — they all just whip their clothes off and get on with it: none of this trying to change under a jumper or behind a towel like we all learned at school.

Im dramatic? You’re the one traumatised by breasts. When was the last time you went to a gym? Because I can tell you at my gym this morning women of all ages were in various stages of undress, turning away if they chose, in cubicles if they chose, or just getting dressed normally in the communal areas without anyone bringing dramatic or turning a hair or asking people to be “decent” like we were in a Jane Austen novel. I’m tempted to add a “FFS” but I’ll be accused of being dramatic. I’m a middle aged slightly portly woman who changes discreetly but normally in a women’s changing room almost daily and I really do refuse to be shamed by that.

oh now I will ffs you! 🙄

There was an adult area with space, a family area without space for all of the children and a general overflow area. The common sense thing would be to either go in the adult area considering the boys were already there first, or turn away/use a towel, not just take her bra off and stand there facing them adjusting it for 30 seconds completely topless.

For those saying OP should have gone to the adult only section, what happens in the other main section of the changing room. So if I came in with female child, but was unknown to the complaining woman. Would it be okay for me to change in the main section as I had a child with me, but at risk of showing boobs to complaining woman’s sons. Or should I leave female child in the main section and I go and crowd into the adult only section?

It's a changing room!....not bushes in a park!
What a ridiculous thing to say!

A man naked in the men's changing rooms wouldn't be arrested, even if young girls were present. A man naked in the women's changing rooms though, well, these days he probably still wouldn't be arrested, but that's another issue.

Being naked in the appropriate changing room for your sex is absolutely the right thing to do, because that's what changing rooms are for. It doesn't matter who else is in there and what they think about you being naked, you are doing what is appropriate and necessary in the area you are supposed to be in.

You're right which is exactly why the BOY shouldn't have been in the change area. This is not a woman's problem to solve. Women are entitled to change in the areas specifically designated for women's changing. Women are allowed to exist! We shouldn't have to hide our bodies or feel shame because we have bodies.

I'm disgusted by the posters who think that women should manage under towels, walk in already changed or hide themselves in a cubicle. What about women who aren't that coordinated, who are older, who have a disability or just don't want to faff around. The change room is there for that specific purpose! Telling women that they have to hide destroys the confidence of many women who want to use a pool. Women are not dirty and the expectation that they hide away should not even be considered.

This boy's mother should have not violated a space women's space. She most certainly should not have complained about a woman existing in a women's space. I guarantee you that a man wouldn't think twice about stripped off in a male change area if a father brought an 8 year old girl inside (and nor should anyone in a space dedicated for that purpose).

Also a DL member... my club doesn't even have an adult only change area! There is a separate family change area, and two cublicles in the main change area, but lots of children are around the regular changing room and everyone just gets on with getting changed. When I have been to DL branches with adult only change I've assumed this area is for a bit of peace and quiet (similar to the adults quiet lounge), not that you have to use it to give children privacy.
The family change area is for that, and useful especially when you have opposite sex child who is 8+ and can't go in with you, but still may need some help getting ready.

YANBU.
She is bat shit crazy.

Not really. My husband used to take our DD in with him to the men's changing rooms when she was little, when he took her swimming. I imagine there were men changing in there as well, and that none of them were arrested.

Absolutely agree with this Natsku

They are in David Lloyd gyms.

If a dad had taken his daughter into a communal male changing room and there were men undressing and dressing in there, these men would not have been arrested.

In OP's case, she has spoken to the manager who has apologised to her for this woman's behaviour. He has also confirmed that the boy was 9 years old, so his mum was in the wrong for taking him into the female changing room which is for women, girls and boys of 8 or under.

you have nothing to feel bad about OP - she made a very serious allegation against you.

If you can’t change in the designated, sex specific place where on earth should you change? I don’t wrangle with my towel. Not all members do. There’s elderly women who sometimes ask for help getting their bras on. Wtf should they do?

BRIGHT EYES!!!

Thanks for that. I've got that song in my head now.

@JustSawJohnny what if your ALSO supervising young children? I took mine as babies and laid them on the bench whilst I changed. You can’t then turn around, can you? Idiot.