To have been half naked in front of other children?

[BrieEncounter]

I had an encounter yesterday that has made me question myself and whether what I did was inappropriate.

I regularly swim at my local health club and often go during my lunchtimes. With summer holidays there are lots of children there which is, of course, absolutely fine.

The club has separate changing areas: a large open room to one side for families with children (with baby change etc), a large female only changing area that also has at the back a section for ‘adults only’..and then the same for men’s.

I got changed in my usual spot which is in the female changing rooms, but not in the ‘adult only’ section.

When I returned from swimming there were a couple of women also in this area wrangling their children. The kids were all boys but very young: I’d say eldest was 8ish so not old enough to go into the men’s rooms
alone.

I didn’t think much of it and started to get changed after a shower. I’d got my shorts on under my towel and was putting my bra on. I dropped the towel but then realised the straps had loosened so I took it off, adjusted the straps and put it back on again. I had my bra off for maybe 30 seconds whilst doing this.

As I was putting my top on, one of the women started shouting at me and accusing me of flashing her children. That if I was going to be naked I should move to the ‘adults only’ section. I didn’t really know how to respond and pointed out this was a changing room and equally, she could have gone to the family room. She said the room was too small for her and her friend together and I was completely inappropriate.

She then rushed the kids out and said she’d be speaking to the manager on her way out.

There was no one else in this part of the changing rooms but several women (in various states of undress) popped their heads around the corner to see what the fuss was about. I was mortified so just got dressed and packed up as fast as I could.

When I left, I mentioned what had happened to the receptionist who said that someone had made a complaint about inappropriateness with young children in the changing room! She said they had flagged it to the manager who would be in tomorrow (now today) who will review it.

Im due to go at lunchtime and can’t quite believe it.

Was it unreasonable to have been (momentarily) topless in front of young children?

She wasn’t naked?

Oh how disappointing, I read so fast I missed Rupert Campbell Black galloping in with a throbbing stallion between his iron thighs. I just read the post where she quickly got changed and got yelled at.

Of course not but as I said, common decency.

It costs nothing to turn around and face the other way.

You just have to be considerate.

Lots of things aren't harmful but you just try not to do it - dropping litter, swearing in front of kids, being overly loud in quiet public areas.

Why does being conscious of others offend you so much?

Nothing wrong, the woman is mad !!!

I really don’t think 8/9 year old boys should be in the ladies changing room. You can’t have mixed sex at that age. Some girls go through puberty at that age. They would be horrified to have boys of the same age changing with them. If family changing is available it should always be used.

No, I don't think being momentarily topless is anything to get worked up about. I don't think my kids would bat an eye.

However. My kids go to swimming lessons every weekend at the local leisure centre. There's a gym upstairs. No idea if it has its own shower or changing area because I'm far too lazy to ever go to a gym but I assume it does as I've only ever seen the swim school kids in our changing rooms for the past five years. Last week, when washing my kids hair in the female changing room shower, along with about six other Mums and kids (all kids in their swimsuits I hasten to add), a sweaty woman in gym wear came into the shower, stripped completely naked, and started to soap herself up. And then showered for what felt like about ten minutes alongside a group of 4-9 year olds. Now that was fucking bizarre in my opinion. I'm sure MNetters would staunchly defend her right to shower wherever the fuck she wants but I can't imagine any situation where I would feel comfortable doing that as a grown women.

Common decency? Op is just a woman getting normally changed in a women’s changing room! Jeez it’s not 1825. What a shame that you expect women to be shamed like this. I assume you don’t attend the gym regularly @JustSawJohnny

Yanbu. I don't know why some people get so hysterical about it.
Growing up at the local pool most of the women just showered fully naked. Boys old enough to find that awkward changed in the male changing rooms

Just when you think you have heard it all.

YANBU, you have done nothing wrong. Most sane people would not bat an eyelid.
This woman was ridiculous. How do people get through the day?!
I’m quite laidback but this has made me angry on your behalf, entitled much?

If a boy is at an age where it can still go in the woman’s room then the mum should expect the child to be ok about female nudity imo . Personally I would complain about her

Of course you're not being unreasonable, its a changing room.

Nobody in their right mind would get worked up about it.

@JustSawJohnny Lots of things aren't harmful but you just try not to do it - dropping litter, swearing in front of kids, being overly loud in quiet public areas.

Dropping litter is both disgusting and harmful.
Swearing can upset children's feelings.
Being overly loud disturbs other people's peace.

Tits are not harmful or offensive.

I wonder if the sight of women breastfeeding also offends you?

Her reaction was completely OTT.

Christ you're so dramatic!

God forbid a woman TURN AROUND!!!

😂

You're good. You weren't flashing. You were getting changed.

Yes dear - because I'm not happy to flash my baps about I simply must be a pool/gym dodger.

If it had been a man with young girls he’d HAVE been arrested.
(Don't they teach English in school anymore?).

BUT more importantly, under what circumstances would a young girl be in a Men's changing room?
Surely there wouldn't be a man in the Women's changing rooms? Nor would a lone man wander into the Family changing room?

And this is why I’ve just spent a considerable amount of money booking an adult only hotel and use an adult only gym.

Some people think their children need to be absolutely everywhere and take priority over everyone else.

Most gyms and health clubs are aimed for adults to use with often high fees, children have restricted hours or are guests. I know some like DL are more family friendly but it’s still mostly adult centred with kids just occasionally using the pool.

If the woman in the OP had her kids with her today I bet the other woman wouldn’t have complained about her “exposing herself” it seemed fine for the kids to see her friend undressing.

I have been told off for objecting to older boys (a woman I used to be friends with brings her son who is going into year 8 in September with her) in women’s changing rooms.
We actually fell out over this when I pointed out a girl who was a similar age was refusing to get showered and dressed after swimming and she said she didn’t care because her baby boys safety came first. I felt sorry for the poor lad who also didn’t want to come into the women’s changing room and was worried some of his friends might find out.

Last month I was told to “mind my language” for swearing in a pub beer garden at 9.30pm because there was a family with young children sat behind me and DP. I had jokingly called DP a knob head.
I wouldn’t go into a soft play and complain about the noise and smell!

I know the vast majority of people with kids would actually agree with me, this isn’t a rant to create a divide between childfree people and parents, it’s a rant that both of these groups are sick to death of the selfish people that drag their kids everywhere then expect everything to be made suitable for them. There was a fab thread over the last few days with plenty of examples.

OP had every right to use a changing room for what’s it’s intended for in a club she pays money for. If people don’t want their kids to see people using the facilities in this way then they should go to a leisure centre and use a family room. If they have children of the opposite sex then this is even more reason to.

I had to leave my last gym because despite paying £75 a month every time it was school holidays they had children’s hours all day and you could no longer use the pool for exercise as intended, that’s probably why I’m feeling so salty over this. It STILL wasn’t enough with people trying to bring their kids in the evening and complaining when they were told no.

And of course a man wouldn’t be arrested if he was getting changed in the men’s and another man brought small girls in to get changed! I remember going into changing rooms as a child with my dad and I had to face the wall and get changed whilst he held a towel round me. I only got the off glimpses of men changing but it was their space and therefore their right to do so.

I have heard of men trying to enter women’s changing rooms with daughters to get them changed after swimming, again giving no thought to anyone else - especially not the naked vulnerable women changing.

There were only a few posts on this thread that said OP was BU, most of them seemed to believe OP should have given a boy who shouldn’t have been in the changing room priority over her being able to get dry and dressed in the correct space. It makes me sad that some women just aren’t interested in protecting women’s spaces. I’m grateful for all the responses that show me that most women see the importance of fighting for them.

She shouldn’t have had a male child in a female changing room when there were family cubicles available. Single sex spaces are just that and if you wanted to be a dick you could make a big fuss about that. You are in a changing room, the reason there are single sex spaces is because people get nude there. I would
go hard on this with club management honestly, it is completely outrageous that this woman thinks bringing her children into a single sex space makes it suddenly a family cubicle. F her.

I'm glad the gym owner is sensible about it. Hopefully the mother will choose to get her family dressed in a more appropriate space going forward.

They're boobs

She was being a tit

Pun intended 😊

Someone actually complained that a person is naked in a single-sex changing room? Wow. Especially when they brought a boy that is too old to be there. I can't with these types of people. Glad the manager was sensible at least.

If you bring a child to a communal changing room, you should expect to see naked people. If you are not ok with your children seeing naked people, use cubicle/family area/bathroom/don't go. Gender swap does not make a difference. Unless the naked men were in womens changing room, but that would be a differnet issue.

Nuditity is normal on changing rooms and it sounds like they should have been in the family change area. One of my DCs was a bit curious in changing rooms so we always got changed in a cubicle to avoid this. Not your problem.