To not want to go to their bbq?

[Mrsunderstood]

BIL and the OW have now moved in together and she’s organised this family bbq day. I had a good relationship with ex SIL but DH didn’t want me to to speak to her anymore after there separation so i didnt. Now I’m being forced into situation such as this. He’s saying I have to go I’m his wife and just to get over it.

I think the both of them are disgusting and if there happy then fair enough good luck to them they’ve both cheated on their long term partners and cause so much destruction and now playing happy families.

The only issues are my children obviously have there cousins that they want to see. DH is more than capable to take the kids on his own.

Do I have to suck it up and go? It completely goes against my morals and the person that I am it feels so wrong.

Agree. Agree. Agree! 💯

It's sadly not your place to decide for anyone else what makes them happy.

Your BIL and the OW were clearly unhappy in their relationship and maybe they approached it wrongly but they are now together so she is now part of the family.

That doesn't mean you have to go that's still your choice.

Ref your SIL reach out to her. It's not too late.

What an incredibly nasty thing for your husband to say about your former sister in law. I have been in this position where family and friends stopped talking to me due to husbands new woman and i cant even begin to explain the pain that this caused me. That is just nasty. Your DH should go on his own but actually i would be more worried about his stance on who you can and cannot talk to. Sorry but that is just cruel and what example does that set your children re kindness

No you don't have to go. You can be civil when you meet but certainly don't have to socialise. I'd feel the same. Your values are such that you don't want people who behave like that in your life. I'm sure if they were in trouble you'd help them, but no you don't have to ignore how you feel and fake a friendship.

@Mrsunderstood has not returned despite the overwhelming agreement with her stance. She posted here at her husband's suggestion so presumably he has read the responses and encouraged her not to return.
Backfired on him.

Because he has a new woman is irrelevant. He cheated. SiL has moved on. Hearing from you now is weird I'd leave that situation well alone. Move on. Everyone else has. You don't get to judge. Don't feel guilty about going or not but I'd resist taking a stand and being the jury on your BILs behaviour. This is his new woman.

Send him and the kids, and go and have coffee with your former SIL. I'm sure she'll need the support.

He's telling you who you can and cannot be friends with...

Thats enough of a red flag for me, never mind the 'you have to attend this party and play nice'.

Fuck no. I'd be civil if you come across her at someone elses party, and avoid her wherever possible.

And be friends with whoever the hell you like, or are you ONLY allowed to be friends with someone married to a family member?

I love you 😂😂

I wouldn’t go either,I would feel the same as you.send dh and the kids.he can tell them you have a bad stomach xx

Exactly!
Not only did she lose her husband, by the sounds of it she lost a good friend too

You are a grown woman if you want to remain friends with ex SIL why not? It's not like she was responsible for the break up. And if you don't feel comfortable going to the bbq don't, why does hubby decide for you? But If you don't want a big hoo ha you could just go, I know sometimes we need to just go with it as she will be in the family now like it or not. But like I said the friendship with ex sil should be non negotiable.

OP, you sound like a much nicer person than everyone else in this situation (you and the ex wife, of course!).
Do try and keep your friendship going, as she must already be feeling shit enough.

Oddly enough I went through something similar. My DH brother split from his wife and expected us all to completely ignore his wife and accept the new woman with open arms. My husband and I said we weren’t going to drop the first wife as we saw her as a friend. Eventually he stopped talking to us because we wouldn’t ignore her!! It’s been at least 10 years now and he’s regretting his ultimatum! I would have happily built a relationship with the new wife (things change and life moves on) - but I didn’t intend to just switch feelings from ex-wife to new- wife like they were just interchangeable!! I think the fact that I’m the sister-in-law also made me see how little he thought of me - like if my husband was to find a new woman he’d just forget about me and ignore me!!
Stick to your guns and stay friends with the ex.

If the OP's DH is reading this, you Mr are a twat of the first order. You have no guts and by the sound of things you are a bully. How dare you tell your wife who she can or cannot be friends with, how dare you not stand up for morals and tell your brother so and how dare you tell your wife where she has to go. Actually twat is far to kind. I would have told you to 'off you fuck' big time.

poor sil

she is still mum of your nieces /nephews and you aunty to her kids

call her and say so sorry you’ve been a dick by ignoring her

you can be friends with them both. New sil and the old sil

your dh is a knob saying don’t contact sil esp if her dh your bil was unfaithful with this new woman