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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Are there benefits to waiting for months before you have sex?

256 replies

Ilovepastafortea · 19/08/2025 20:28

OK, I lay my cards on the table. Met DH in the early 1980's been married since 1988. Neither of us were virgins - him less so than me as he was a randy good-looking bloke. 😂

Never occurred to me to have sex on our first or even 6th date. Well, probably occurred to him, but I was 'good girl' & we first had sex after about 6 months together. He says that was the longest any girl had 'kept him waiting', but he always knew that I was 'the one' & rather liked it that I wasn't like other girlfriends he'd had who had sex on 1st or 2nd dates & the quick shags that he had. He always says that I was worth waiting for & the fact that I didn't have sex with him until I was sure of him made it all the better.

Just posting for opinions having only had sex with the same man for more than 40 years & still I love spending an afternoon in bed with him. He's the best & I love & fancy the very bones of that man. I'm one lucky woman. 😍

Guess what I've been doing today - that man still does it for me! 😉

OP posts:
WickedElpheba · 19/08/2025 20:30

I was going to answer the question but then you've gone off on one about what you've been doing today and I don't see the relevance

SpaceRaccoon · 19/08/2025 20:30

I liked to get the sex in as quickly as possible. DH and I had been together four days I think. Now married 15 years.

BlueJuniper94 · 19/08/2025 20:30

Of course there are.

SisSuffragette · 19/08/2025 20:32

SpaceRaccoon · 19/08/2025 20:30

I liked to get the sex in as quickly as possible. DH and I had been together four days I think. Now married 15 years.

Yep agree with this

Danikm151 · 19/08/2025 20:32

There might be benefits but I couldn’t think of anything worse than waiting 6 months and realising they are terrible in bed and that side of things doesn’t work.

It’s like test driving a car- you wouldn’t buy it and let it sit on the drive for 6 months.

ThatAmberBee · 19/08/2025 20:32

WickedElpheba · 19/08/2025 20:30

I was going to answer the question but then you've gone off on one about what you've been doing today and I don't see the relevance

Agree. I don’t see the point of this thread tbh.

And I don’t think OP is really as secure as she claims to be, quite a few things in her OP point this out and not least, the last sentence.

Menopants · 19/08/2025 20:34

It’s all nonsense fuck who you like when you like

Arlanymor · 19/08/2025 20:34

Try before you buy. After six months you are already emotionally invested, so it could go terribly wrong if you find out at that point that you are physically incompatible.

SleeplessInWherever · 19/08/2025 20:35

6 weeks with my ex husband, he was a virgin and understandably nervous about the whole thing. Turns out for the 11 years we were together his.. performance.. never really improved.

First date with my now partner. To be honest, it was originally meant to be a casual fling sort of deal. And now I’ve relocated 150 miles and inherited (happily) a stepson. So keeping it casual went well.

Don’t plan on being with anyone else, but would stick to my “earlier is better” idea. If it’s going to be terrible, I’d rather know early on.

user1476613140 · 19/08/2025 20:35

I think it's sensible to find out if you're sexually compatible. Fourth or fifth date often a good time to find out!

FancyCatSlave · 19/08/2025 20:36

Right.

There are benefits when you are 15, there are not any benefits when you are 50.

CaptainSevenofNine · 19/08/2025 20:39

Road tested the goods as soon as I could! Together 23 years, married 21. Only getting better and better sexually. Quantity has gone down a bit (age, kids) quality has skyrocketed!

Praying4Peace · 19/08/2025 20:41

Glad that OP and her husband enjoy an afternoon of sex after 40 years together. I would suggest that that is unusual

TheChosenTwo · 19/08/2025 20:41

Dh was meant to be a ONS. 23 years later and I still can’t get rid of him!!
Seriously though, who cares? First night, 24th date, do what you want.

IntoTheFringe · 19/08/2025 21:12

Given that you waited for months before having sex, surely you can answer your own question?

Why have you posted this in AIBU? Are we voting on whether you were being unreasonable waiting 6 months to have sex?

Laiste · 19/08/2025 21:18

You were a 'good girl' and your husband was glad you weren't just one of his shags ...

nice.

As it happens i believe that it's better not to waste months of your life being 'good' and hoping for the best that a bloke is good in bed.

Are you sure it was the '80s and not the '50s there OP?

ShesTheAlbatross · 19/08/2025 21:25

So your DH was happy to have sex early on with other people, but was glad you weren’t like that? I can’t bear men who happily have sex on the 1st date but then judge the women who they have it with.

RamsaySnowsSausage · 19/08/2025 21:28

I think you should do what you are comfortable with. Both my long term relationships started with sex on the first date. If that had put them off me, and they would have respected or liked me more for making them wait (because we all know men are the only ones who want it and women are fine to go 6+ months without 🙄), then they would not have been right for me. Any kind of devaluation of women for enjoying sex is an automatic no.

If both are happy to wait, great, but if it's any kind of test/trap etc. on either side then it's just doomed isn't it. You're starting off not being who you are and (from experience) that is exhausting and soul destroying to keep up!

SpaceRaccoon · 19/08/2025 21:28

ShesTheAlbatross · 19/08/2025 21:25

So your DH was happy to have sex early on with other people, but was glad you weren’t like that? I can’t bear men who happily have sex on the 1st date but then judge the women who they have it with.

I've always maintained that snagging mem asap is a good misogyny filter for if they're a long term prospect or not.

Gwenhwyfar · 19/08/2025 21:31

FancyCatSlave · 19/08/2025 20:36

Right.

There are benefits when you are 15, there are not any benefits when you are 50.

Why? If the 50 year old wants to wait, they can? If anything they have more time to wait than someone of child bearing age.

Sonolanona · 19/08/2025 21:34

Had sex on day 3 (met on holiday) We've been married over 35 years now so it didn't harm us by not waiting😁
Plus..imagine waiting 6 months and finding that your partner was hopeless in bed!

LittlleMy · 19/08/2025 21:35

ShesTheAlbatross · 19/08/2025 21:25

So your DH was happy to have sex early on with other people, but was glad you weren’t like that? I can’t bear men who happily have sex on the 1st date but then judge the women who they have it with.

Agreed. A really weirdly written post and bit cringey at the end too. So does OP want opinions on what she did in the late 80s? I’m confused lol.

The term ‘good girl’ is a bit icky also as though if you’ve ever had sex within the first couple of dates or so you’re somehow less than? I think OP just wanted to boast she loves her man and still has him 40 years later in which case just say that lol

IstillloveKingThistle · 19/08/2025 21:36

WickedElpheba · 19/08/2025 20:30

I was going to answer the question but then you've gone off on one about what you've been doing today and I don't see the relevance

Yeah . Agree

Littleredgoat · 19/08/2025 21:37

You maybe kept him waiting, but I doubt he was celibate for those 6 months. Probably not the best start to a relationship.

Jk987 · 19/08/2025 21:44

I wouldn’t have the willpower to wait 6 months.