Are there benefits to waiting for months before you have sex?

[Ilovepastafortea]

OK, I lay my cards on the table. Met DH in the early 1980's been married since 1988. Neither of us were virgins - him less so than me as he was a randy good-looking bloke. 😂

Never occurred to me to have sex on our first or even 6th date. Well, probably occurred to him, but I was 'good girl' & we first had sex after about 6 months together. He says that was the longest any girl had 'kept him waiting', but he always knew that I was 'the one' & rather liked it that I wasn't like other girlfriends he'd had who had sex on 1st or 2nd dates & the quick shags that he had. He always says that I was worth waiting for & the fact that I didn't have sex with him until I was sure of him made it all the better.

Just posting for opinions having only had sex with the same man for more than 40 years & still I love spending an afternoon in bed with him. He's the best & I love & fancy the very bones of that man. I'm one lucky woman. 😍

Guess what I've been doing today - that man still does it for me! 😉

I think benefits to waiting 3-4 dates, but personally I wouldn’t want to wait 6 months. Compatibility is important, and 6 months you’d be quite invested.

You mean like they have regular sex, but he doesn't give her orgasms?

This. Sex is such an important part of a relationship, I can’t imagine waiting longer than a couple of weeks / couple of dates.

Also this narrative just reinforces the weird ideas that sex is some sort of prize that a woman bestows upon a man who proves his worth, rather than something mutually desired and enjoyable.

I’m confused

First post, and all that…..

"It’s like test driving a car- you wouldn’t buy it and let it sit on the drive for 6 months"
Especially if his big end's gone, or his pistons are knackered 🙂

I wouldn’t wait 6 months but definitely 3/4 weeks. Maybe old fashioned but I think it’s the rarity .. especially now a days with throw away relationships that things move on to anything serious if you have sex on the first date. There will always be exceptions but people generally value more what they have to work for.

Try before you buy surely? 😇

My ex and I did it on our second night together (long distance relationship). He was too jet lagged the first night.

It's been over 3 years for me now and I don't think I could put it off for long if I were lucky enough to meet someone new.

I shagged DH on the first date. Still together over 25 years later, married for nearly 23. I understand that some people prefer to wait, I didn’t, but this is because human beings are not all the same as each other. Wait, or don’t wait, whatever if right for you. I don’t see the big deal either way to be honest.

I think there is a mid-point for younger more vulnerable women between too early and too late that remains important.

For every girl who waits to long and it's stuck with awful sex there is a girl who has sex really early only to discover that is all the man wanted and is now gone.

Somewhere in the middle.. is probably the safest bet for weeding out the sleazy guys while still "trying before you buy" etc.

For older individuals (talking about myself) who have less emotional vulnerability and neediness, (and are less and less the targets of sleezy guys out on the pull) I think there is less and less reason to wait.

This is my advice and i do it.

Op sounds oddly smug and self-satisfied and her husband is a hypocritical misogynist. Perhaps fucking him on the first date would have prevented her from entering a relationship with such a prince.

Depends on age I think. I should have waited when I was a teen to develop the relationships before having sex. As an adult, I don’t believe there’s any point in pursuing relationships where you’re not sexually compatible.

I was in bed with my DP on our second date after us both agreeing that sexual compatibility was high on the agenda for both of us.

The best sex I ever had was in a slow burn relationship where we waited 3 months . We just didn’t have the opportunity but when it did happen it was proper “bodice ripping “ stuff like you see in films .

Six months? Why? Sex is not something you give to someone. It’s about passion and chemistry being shared. There is no advantage in a long wait but it does deprive you of certain needs. What if you are not compatible in bed? I’ve unashamedly had sex on a first date on occasion when it has felt right.

My sister met her now husband at a mutual friend’s wedding. They got chatting at an hotel check in queue where the wedding was due to take place that afternoon. She bedded him before the friend’s wedding service happened and they have been married for years. She jokes he was easy 😀.

You sound like a man, or a dog.

Dh was meant to be a ons but he never left. Married, 3 children and nearly 20 years later.

I see no relevance to when we had sex. You either find a decent partner or not. I’d hate to wait six months to be very disappointed, frankly Id be climbing the walls after no sex for 6 months.

I waited 3 weeks with dh. It can benefit to get to know the person first before lust softens the view. But equally knowing if you are sexually compatible is important.
your dhs view of good and bad girls would be off putting to me.

I don’t think men go on a date with the intention to have sex once and then leave. If the sex is good they will come back.

Either men like you are they don’t and when you have sex is unlikely to change that.

OTOH I do think sex can make you bond much more quickly than you otherwise would. So I think the best strategy really would be sex on 2-3rd date to see how it is then no sex for a month to see if you actually like each other.

Yes.

The one benefit is filtering out those only looking for a shag (assuming you aren’t just looking for a shag.)

Also giving you time to see somebody’s true character before sex feelings get in the way.

Totally agree when you are v young under 20 perhaps might be worth waiting a bit but older I don’t see why - firstly sexual comparability is really important and also if they are going to dump you after you have had sex might as well not have wasted to much time -

I will say that I find men who judge women negatively for having sex “quickly” while they are having sex at the same time are completely repulsive to me.

(Also women who rejoice in being “not like other girls” are pathetic.)

Yep.