Page 11 | Are there benefits to waiting for months before you have sex?

Ilovepastafortea · 2025-08-19T19:28:40+00:00

OK, I lay my cards on the table. Met DH in the early 1980's been married since 1988. Neither of us were virgins - him less so than me as he was a randy good-looking bloke. 😂 Never occurred to me to have sex on our first or even 6th date. Well, probably occurred to him, but I was 'good girl' & we first had sex after about 6 months together. He says that was the longest any girl had 'kept him waiting', but he always knew that I was 'the one' & rather liked it that I wasn't like other girlfriends he'd had who had sex on 1st or 2nd dates & the quick shags that he had. He always says that I was worth waiting for & the fact that I didn't have sex with him until I was sure of him made it all the better. Just posting for opinions having only had sex with the same man for more than 40 years & still I love spending an afternoon in bed with him. He's the best & I love & fancy the very bones of that man. I'm one lucky woman. 😍 Guess what I've been doing today - that man still does it for me! 😉

JHound · 28/08/2025 18:04

Alicealig · 23/08/2025 02:21

My point is that you need to have had quite a lot of 'conquests' and a large variation to be able to clearly determine 'good sex' and 'bad sex'. I wouldn't say that's a good starting point for any relationship. Let's put the emotional toll it likely takes to one side for the moment. Rates of HPV amongst women is at an all time high of up to 50% which equals an increase in cervical cancer. Married women are the lowest group for cervical cancer for obvious reasons. Every new sexual partner you have sex with is a roll of the dice when it comes to contracting genital warts, herpes, syphilis, and more recently the highly contagious Monkey pox, which I believe will be an epidemic in this country before long. None of these diseases can be protected against with a condom. If these were the only issues with multiple sexual partners I'd say that's enough for me to consider it a negative thing to do. Whether you like it or because it's pleasurable is the most selfish, narcissistic response I've come to expect from such posters. Its not the values I'd associate with strong independant virtuous women. That would be obvious to most people I would expect.

If you delve in a bit deeper and look into the research done concerning prostitutes and sex workers, the results are very similar across countries that show 2 of every 3 prostitutes were abused by a father of father figure as child. It regognises to emotional trauma and negative mental health issues faced by these women and added that most of the factors that these women deal with day to day have a negative outcome whether that be drugs, shoplifting, abusive relationships, risky sexual behaviour etc. I only included prostitutes in this post due to the fact people don't see high numbers of sexual partners as a negative thing so I knew it wouldn't be taken in an offensive way.

Personally I believe there is nothing good or positive about women having multiple sexual partners and even the women who do it the best argument seems to be only 'that it feels good'. Other things with that descriptor include heroine and cocaine. I think it's clear where I'm going with this....

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Citations needed.

(All the things you cite can also be applied to men).

Also why would you throw sex workers into this discussion?!

Illegally18 · 29/08/2025 18:44

MyGreyStork · 28/08/2025 16:20

It seems foolish to date someone for six months and to consciously wait to have sex just because you’re a “good girl”. He could have still dumped you after that first shag and then you’ve wasted six months of your life on a guy and be emotionally invested. But I also doubt he was celibate for them six months. More than likely he was shagging around, especially if he was a randy going looking bloke. But sad that internalised misogyny made you feel like you couldn’t have sex.

...and he could have dumped her on the first date for not having a shag. As I have said upthread, the parametres the marriage market have changed since the advent of the pill. But the OP is also repulsively smug and self-righteous, whereas in reality she was just lucky.

MyGreyStork · 29/08/2025 18:53

@Illegally18 the thread was indeed a humble brag. Very weird, I don’t know anyone in real life that acts like this. Those that still have sex don’t talk about it, it’s so normal it doesn’t even need mentioned.

AliasGrace47 · 03/09/2025 12:00

Alicealig · 20/08/2025 19:12

I can't help but notice either that there are those who don't view virginity or chastity as a virtue or being a good person. Mostly the reason seems to be because women enjoy it and it's pleasurable they should do it. Yet if this was 2 people in a marriage you'd surely view the man as being 'good' if he remained truly faithful to his wife, and 'bad' if he am around sleeping with whoever he desired, whenever he wanted because it was enjoyable and he got pleasure from it.

Just a though....

One can believe that both sexes should be free to sow wild oats before a long-term relationship, and still disagree strongly with infidelity. Mind-blowing, I know.

AliasGrace47 · 03/09/2025 12:51

Alicealig · 23/08/2025 02:21

My point is that you need to have had quite a lot of 'conquests' and a large variation to be able to clearly determine 'good sex' and 'bad sex'. I wouldn't say that's a good starting point for any relationship. Let's put the emotional toll it likely takes to one side for the moment. Rates of HPV amongst women is at an all time high of up to 50% which equals an increase in cervical cancer. Married women are the lowest group for cervical cancer for obvious reasons. Every new sexual partner you have sex with is a roll of the dice when it comes to contracting genital warts, herpes, syphilis, and more recently the highly contagious Monkey pox, which I believe will be an epidemic in this country before long. None of these diseases can be protected against with a condom. If these were the only issues with multiple sexual partners I'd say that's enough for me to consider it a negative thing to do. Whether you like it or because it's pleasurable is the most selfish, narcissistic response I've come to expect from such posters. Its not the values I'd associate with strong independant virtuous women. That would be obvious to most people I would expect.

If you delve in a bit deeper and look into the research done concerning prostitutes and sex workers, the results are very similar across countries that show 2 of every 3 prostitutes were abused by a father of father figure as child. It regognises to emotional trauma and negative mental health issues faced by these women and added that most of the factors that these women deal with day to day have a negative outcome whether that be drugs, shoplifting, abusive relationships, risky sexual behaviour etc. I only included prostitutes in this post due to the fact people don't see high numbers of sexual partners as a negative thing so I knew it wouldn't be taken in an offensive way.

Personally I believe there is nothing good or positive about women having multiple sexual partners and even the women who do it the best argument seems to be only 'that it feels good'. Other things with that descriptor include heroine and cocaine. I think it's clear where I'm going with this....

Show quote history

I agree broadly that casual sex isn't v good for either gender.

But it's fair to point out that condoms and the HPV vaccine do guard against most STDs if used carefully. If people must have casual sex, which I don't think is great, then the least they can do is protect each other from disease. No excuse for not using protection.

QuaintPearlScroller · 04/09/2025 11:39

No relevance on time scale imo myself and dh had sex all night sex for that matter on the first date 10 years together now