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Original poster

Are there benefits to waiting for months before you have sex?

256 replies

Ilovepastafortea · 19/08/2025 20:28

OK, I lay my cards on the table. Met DH in the early 1980's been married since 1988. Neither of us were virgins - him less so than me as he was a randy good-looking bloke. 😂

Never occurred to me to have sex on our first or even 6th date. Well, probably occurred to him, but I was 'good girl' & we first had sex after about 6 months together. He says that was the longest any girl had 'kept him waiting', but he always knew that I was 'the one' & rather liked it that I wasn't like other girlfriends he'd had who had sex on 1st or 2nd dates & the quick shags that he had. He always says that I was worth waiting for & the fact that I didn't have sex with him until I was sure of him made it all the better.

Just posting for opinions having only had sex with the same man for more than 40 years & still I love spending an afternoon in bed with him. He's the best & I love & fancy the very bones of that man. I'm one lucky woman. 😍

Guess what I've been doing today - that man still does it for me! 😉

OP posts:
Jk987 · 19/08/2025 21:47

Agree that’s is very cringe worthy to call yourself a good girl for not having sex with someone you supposedly fancy. 🙄

Coconutter24 · 19/08/2025 21:51

You sort of answered your own question straight after asking it. Given your situation there were benefits to waiting

NoCommentingFromNowOn · 19/08/2025 21:52

I was 'good girl' & we first had sex after about 6 months together

So other women who aren’t as passive as you are bad girls women?

The post is all a bit distasteful with the language you’ve used to be honest.

TheFateNdoftheWedge · 19/08/2025 21:52

I think the difference is just developing deeper emotional ties and a longer relationship

Crushed23 · 19/08/2025 21:53

No idea. Slept with DP on the first date. 🙃

Stressfordays · 19/08/2025 21:56

Mine was meant to be just be a one night stand and he just never left 🤣 I've made men wait before and they've still turned out to be idiots.

Crushed23 · 19/08/2025 21:56

TheChosenTwo · 19/08/2025 20:41

Dh was meant to be a ONS. 23 years later and I still can’t get rid of him!!
Seriously though, who cares? First night, 24th date, do what you want.

Haha similar to this, I was hoping to make DP a FWB (and even told him I was looking for something casual to manage expectations) but then I couldn’t get rid of him. 😂 Glad he won me over. Going well so far. ☺️

23 years is great, congrats!

DelilahMy · 19/08/2025 21:58

Stop the press! Woman has sex with husband.

GrandTheftWalrus · 19/08/2025 21:58

DH was meant to be a ons. 11 years and 2 kids later it didn't work out like that but I couldnt be happier.

Elektra1 · 19/08/2025 21:59

40 years ago things were very different and it was a “good thing” for a man to be able to feel like “his” woman had kept him waiting and wasn’t “like the other girls”. Of course fine for him to have slept with all those “other girls” because it was different for men.

These days that attitude would have my 21 year old daughter and her friends up in arms.

People of all genders can sleep with who they want to, when they want to. Some people might prefer to wait a bit - but on the other hand if you date someone for months before having sex and then the sex is bad, that’s a lot of time and emotional investment. Conversely you might have sex very early on and be keen for more and then they ghost you. Or anything in the middle. It’s all fine, so long as the individual is doing what they want to do, understanding the risks, instead of doing what they think society or an element of society wants them to do.

Muffsies · 19/08/2025 21:59

ShesTheAlbatross · 19/08/2025 21:25

So your DH was happy to have sex early on with other people, but was glad you weren’t like that? I can’t bear men who happily have sex on the 1st date but then judge the women who they have it with.

Yeah, this bit actually made me gip too. He's worse as he looks down on someone doing the exact same thing he is. Judgemental, hypocritical twat, and he's successfully using it to flatter you? Bleagh!

PermanentTemporary · 19/08/2025 21:59

Glad it worked for you. I’m never again committing to someone unless I know they can rock my world early doors. I will say though that having sex with dp a few times and then having to go into lockdown 3 so we couldn’t meet physically for a long time was extremely hot.

MaggieBsBoat · 19/08/2025 22:02

God no. No benefits at all. And frankly I don’t see how someone who’s only had sex with one man can tell. I mean it may be good sex but it may also be mediocre. You can’t know except you enjoy it. Which is enough I suppose. But after waiting for months it’s hard to think damn that was a shit shag!

BabyCatFace · 19/08/2025 22:04

I've always had sex as soon as I fancied it and mostly that's within a couple of hours of first meeting a man - bagged myself two husbands that way and while I did get rid of one before I found the second one, it wasn't because I was too slutty on the first date.

Personally I like sex and I want to know I'm sexually compatible with a man before making any kind of emotional connection. That wouldn't work for a lot of people, but waiting months wouldn't have worked for me. Also, social norms were different in the 80s to the early 2000s when I was a top shagger and you may not have waited so long if it was a decade or so later.

Doitrightnow · 19/08/2025 22:05

I waited for 7 mo and until he'd proposed!
There were benefits from our point of view.
If I was dating again now though I'm not sure I'd wait as long. But I don't like even kissing someone I don't know pretty well and feel a connection with, so I imagine it still wouldn't be that fast.

Cece92 · 19/08/2025 22:06

My gran god love her is 83. My grandad is her second husband. She met her first husband not sure what age but she never had sex with him until they got married he was her first and she said it was terrible 😂😂 she said I waited all that time and for what?!? Don’t get me wrong had 2 kids so she went back but she said it was terrible waiting and for that. Then she said with my grandad it was night and day not that I wanted to hear any of this. They never waited until marriage. Then she said ‘try before you buy’ 🤦🏻‍♀️😂

MeganM3 · 19/08/2025 22:10

Depends what phase of life you’re in.
When very young I would wait. And wait happily, I was sexually inexperienced and swept up in the romance.
Now, 20 years since losing my virginity my priorities are different and frankly there’s not much benefit to me in waiting, I’d want to know if he’s good in bed and we’re compatible or if I’m wasting my time.

Cece92 · 19/08/2025 22:10

Also for me I wouldn’t wait months but I’m the type of person that I do need to know them. Like I need to be laughing and have the click I don’t got for people based on looks which I know is really cliche but I don’t. If I get a good vibe from texts and then meet up and the good vibes are still there and I start to fancy them then I’m theirs lol! I fancy someone more from their personality and I know I’ve had so many comments over the years about being ‘fussy’ I’m really not. I have seen my self talk to people for weeks meet for loads of dates and felt absolutely nothing. I’ve met people I liked but just not in the I wanna rip you’re clothes off sense. With my partner now well we text for a week met up went out had the best night and now he’s stuck with me.

Mewling · 19/08/2025 22:10

There’s another poster who writes about how amazing her husband is and how great their relationship is, and then as the threads go on it turns out that….he's really not, and it really isn’t.

Your question appears to be a thinly veiled attempt at slut-shaming? Or have you had a couple of post-coital Prosecco’s so it’s not been conveyed the way you intended?

Next OP post: we’re all a bunch of killjoys and bores. Lighten up everyone!

Thepeopleversuswork · 19/08/2025 22:15

Mewling · 19/08/2025 22:10

There’s another poster who writes about how amazing her husband is and how great their relationship is, and then as the threads go on it turns out that….he's really not, and it really isn’t.

Your question appears to be a thinly veiled attempt at slut-shaming? Or have you had a couple of post-coital Prosecco’s so it’s not been conveyed the way you intended?

Next OP post: we’re all a bunch of killjoys and bores. Lighten up everyone!

👏👏👏

You win the thread.

What a load of sexist twaddle this thread is.

Scissor · 19/08/2025 22:15

Elektra1 · 19/08/2025 21:59

40 years ago things were very different and it was a “good thing” for a man to be able to feel like “his” woman had kept him waiting and wasn’t “like the other girls”. Of course fine for him to have slept with all those “other girls” because it was different for men.

These days that attitude would have my 21 year old daughter and her friends up in arms.

People of all genders can sleep with who they want to, when they want to. Some people might prefer to wait a bit - but on the other hand if you date someone for months before having sex and then the sex is bad, that’s a lot of time and emotional investment. Conversely you might have sex very early on and be keen for more and then they ghost you. Or anything in the middle. It’s all fine, so long as the individual is doing what they want to do, understanding the risks, instead of doing what they think society or an element of society wants them to do.

Absolute bollocks. 40 years ago sex and drugs and rock and roll had been long invented as had the zipless fuck.
I managed to have many adventures around Europe independently from age 16, hold down respectable jobs and marry a very unsuitable ONS.
Though it lasted 16 years and the offspring are completely delightful.
It's just weird how prudish ideas are resurging again.
Sex is very lovely. With people you find it lovely with.

Better very quickly to know because that's a very basic bit of compatibility.

Elektra1 · 19/08/2025 22:18

Scissor · 19/08/2025 22:15

Absolute bollocks. 40 years ago sex and drugs and rock and roll had been long invented as had the zipless fuck.
I managed to have many adventures around Europe independently from age 16, hold down respectable jobs and marry a very unsuitable ONS.
Though it lasted 16 years and the offspring are completely delightful.
It's just weird how prudish ideas are resurging again.
Sex is very lovely. With people you find it lovely with.

Better very quickly to know because that's a very basic bit of compatibility.

Show quote history

You obviously had a different youth to that of most people I know who are now in their 60s.

But from the remainder of your post, you appear to agree with my point, which was that whatever consenting adults want to do with each other is fine.

Planktonplank · 19/08/2025 22:23

I waited 6 weeks for a guy on my course at uni - we got in so well, sparks flying in class and on dates until we got down to it and it was the most disappointing sex of my life. Didn't try him a second time.

Slept with DH on second date, it's been 24 years and still going strong. We might be less up for shagging in the student union toilets now though.

missrabbit1990 · 19/08/2025 22:25

No. Waiting for a few weeks or a few dates sure. But waiting for months could be wasting your time if he’s selfish or crap in bed. If he’s not perfect that can be improved but if he e.g. doesn’t make an effort to go down on me, he’s out! At least that was my perspective when I was single.

missrabbit1990 · 19/08/2025 22:26

Elektra1 · 19/08/2025 21:59

40 years ago things were very different and it was a “good thing” for a man to be able to feel like “his” woman had kept him waiting and wasn’t “like the other girls”. Of course fine for him to have slept with all those “other girls” because it was different for men.

These days that attitude would have my 21 year old daughter and her friends up in arms.

People of all genders can sleep with who they want to, when they want to. Some people might prefer to wait a bit - but on the other hand if you date someone for months before having sex and then the sex is bad, that’s a lot of time and emotional investment. Conversely you might have sex very early on and be keen for more and then they ghost you. Or anything in the middle. It’s all fine, so long as the individual is doing what they want to do, understanding the risks, instead of doing what they think society or an element of society wants them to do.

Nonsense, such men were misogynists even then and there were plenty who were more relaxed.