Should I be expected to pay more towards the house because my partner has kids?

[StrugglingSM28]

I’m in need of some advice please.

I have been with my partner for around 18 months now. I moved into his home and I rent my property out (but it makes a loss). For context, he has 2 children who are with us part time.

Recently, he has suggested that we re-look at all household finances due to things going up. I have always been happy to revisit the numbers, as long as it remains fair.

I’ve worked out that my rent covers 95% of our household bills, for example, council tax, electricity, gas, home insurance, TV license, broadband etc. I’ve also done some market research which shows that my contribution is the market rate for renting a room including bills in our area.

I have always been clear that the mortgage should be absorbed by him as I have no legal right to the property. We are planning to buy a property together in a few years time and will both sell our respective homes.

Recently, I have moved jobs and received a significant pay rise. In the last month, his mortgage has gone up by £800. And this paired with a few snide remarks in recent weeks is why I suspect he wants to look at the numbers again.

We are both saving equally into a joint account for our future home and holidays etc but more recently, despite earning more than me he has alluded to the fact he is unable to save more personally because of his other fixed costs (which all existed before we met), child maintenance etc. and other child costs. But that’s not my problem :(

I also do around 95% of the housework, including food shopping, cooking etc, so it’s not like I am having a free ride here.

So AIBU to put my foot down and say that I am already paying my fair share?

I would move back to your own property and leave him to manage his own house, children and finances ..... Would certainly give him a reality check (whether you do or do not decide to stay in a relationship with him)

I agree.

Me neither Maybe you should ask his ex why they split. You may have a lot in common. (Only being semi- serious).

Yes this

Exactly

Saw you coming really didn't he?

Tell him you can't afford anymore and you don't think it's going to work out so will be going home. You don't have to split up, there's no need to live together.

Sorry to say this but as I am a man (Sorry ,with life eperience ) you are
being taken for a ride by an unscrupulous man who is only after your money

When you say you split food costs, is that 50:50? Because that seems a bit weighted in his favour if his two children are living with you part-time, no?

If he can’t afford his mortgage and he can’t afford his bills he needs to rethink his finances. Basically what he is doing now is making you pay for his mortgage as well as all the bills - if he needs you to finance all that he needs to change the title on the mortgage to include you. And start doing the washing up. Maybe he should find an income that pays. Plus he makes you do housework! ( you need to charge him for that too). Alternatively you should move back to your house and pay into your own mortgage. I’d strongly suggest the latter based on what you have said. He sounds like a user and users don’t change. Don’t let him get away with it.

Not true she is making a loss on renting the house.

I'm not sure why you are paying market cost for a room - you are sharing one with him! It's not like you are gaining sole use of any space. The mortgage is absolutely his responsibility and if you are paying towards it then you should have a legal agreement drawn up that gives you rights and protects your investment. I'm pretty sure he wouldn't want that, so he should continue to pay for his house!

Imho, he saw you coming - snide remarks about you having g more money are not on - he's the one with the kids. His bills are not your problem!

Honestly, I don't think this one is a keeper. I'd be inclined to move back into my own flat and let this cheeky fucker finance his own life.

Yes but by how much? We don’t know how much she is losing on that property, it might be minimal. She should be paying him rent and then bills split 50/50 and she should put the rent up on her house to cover the mortgage.

This isn’t really the problem though is it. The issue is that op is losing money on her house and he is exploiting her financially as well as exploiting her labour doing all the housework to pay off his flat. If this relationship was not so exploitative and all was ok they’d be able to sort out the these things more fairly and sensibly. At the moment it looks as though she is supporting him and his kids in both labour and financially. If this is the case she needs to get out or she’ll be left with her finances and self esteem in tatters and he’ll probably Waltz of to a younger housekeeper.

I'd move back to your own property. It gives you a breather from his unpleasant comments and will give you better perspective as a result.
He is using you financially and domestically. It won't magically stop. Hopefully you'll see this.

He's taking the piss.

How soon could you move into your flat op? Could you give the tenants notice? In your flat you aren’t paying 95% of the bills when you’re one of 4 people I think, so contributing to someone else mortgage while also paying all your own housing investment costs with your flat and also doing nearly all the work for a man and his kids while he puts you down. I see he has a long history of being an asshole to you and I’d like for you to find freedom, and leave him.

And should she still be doing all his housework for him? He is paying nothing for food and nothing for all the labour she is doing. He needs to pay her for all that unless he’s willing to share. 50/50. She’d be better off moving back to her own flat.

This! You’d be far better off alone!

Mumsnet - please advise term for reverse Cocklodger I.e someone who invites gullible person into their home to pay more than their fair share to support CL lifestyle, kids etc.

You’re paying your fair share AND doing a lot of the household labour.
What exactly does he bring to the table here - other than complaining about paying his own mortgage while you cover most of the other costs and labour?

I also do around 95% of the housework, including food shopping, cooking etc, so it’s not like I am having a free ride here

Why, WHY THE FUCK do women keep doing this to themselves?

Congratulations, you've became the maid to him and his children. An unpaid maid, mind you (real maids at least get a salary). And now he wants you to pay more into his house so he can pay it off sooner. When it's done, he'll find a younger maid and you'll be left with another couople of kids for his prick-legacy.

Not sure i would have told him about the payrise. I think I’d move back to your home and take your half of your savings back.

Adding to the chorus here.

Run. He's using you.

Agree with all the above.
Plus, he is using more of the house than you are as his children are often there, and you and he share a room, so he should be paying considerably more than you. He is a taker.

The size of his mortgage is irrelevant, as are any costs for his kids.

You should be paying half the bills (obviously excluding the mortgage).

You should also be paying market rate for rent (not just the equivalent of a single room though as I suspect you don’t just stay in a single room all day every day). Perhaps what it would cost in your area for a 1 bed flat.

As others have said, stop being his mum.