To feel like I’ve wasted my life

[WastedMyPotential]

I’m 26, live at home and have no chance of buying a house before I’m 30.

I’ve spent the last three years doing a job I’ve hated, because I thought it was right for me. Get to the end, I’m a couple of months away from qualifying as a solicitor, and I realise how much I hate it, so I’m starting over in the NHS soon. (Three days before qualifying)

I’ve got two degrees and a potential masters (if I resit the exams), but what do I have to show for it? I’ve never had a relationship because I’ve focussed on university and exams since I was 18. I’m still on minimum wage, I’ve got nothing really going for me.

I just feel like I’ve completely wasted my life. I’ve qualified as a solicitor when I hate it, I’ve done everything my family expected of me, and I still feel empty and hopeless. I just wonder “what was the point”

I think you may well love working in the NHS. I was a medical secretary for many years and loved the patient contact, problem solving, every day different, working with a wonderful, kind, caring and fun team. I had done some pretty exciting PA jobs beforehand but enjoyed this more than anything, despite taking a massive pay cut. It was the longest job I ever had too. If you’re good the NHS will encourage you to go for promotions etc. I got so far but never wanted to go into full-time management away from direct patient contact and the buzz of the outpatient environment, doctors and nurses etc. but that’s just me. Good luck with it all. It’s a steep learning curve to begin with and can be stressful/emotional but the reward of doing your little bit towards the care of others is worth it.
And for what it’s worth you sound like you might make a great childcarer/nanny too !

You are still young; please try to change your negative mindset. Here are some meditations in case you are interested. Everything happens for a reason.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=eEO1P6OQlmk&pp=ygUZbGlnaHQgc291cmNpbmcgbWVkaXRhdGlvbg%3D%3D

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=u0jFKzAW-Ww&pp=ygUXbGV0IGdvIG1pbmRmdWwgbW92ZW1lbnQ%3D

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=LiNxnsPSrJg&pp=ygUcZm9yd2FyZCBmcm9tIGhlcmUgbWVkaXRhdGlvbg%3D%3D

Good Luck

I don't think that's true though as otherwise you wouldn't be on here wondering about life.

It's OK not to have it all figured out at 26. But, I'd say a bit of emotional maturity now would help you along.

I bummed around (have degrees, masters etc) and was on a poor waged job. An easy job and yea, it was grand. But after 2 years (28), I was bored.

I went back to what I was good at when I was younger, which was writing. And I also love teaching. So, I did a masters in instructional design, part time, over 2 years, which allowed me to work and save etc also.

In tandem, I was always waiting to meet a fella. I was in a few disastrous relationships. Now am older, I know I was waiting for that fella because he'd do everything for me...buy a house, take me on holidays, be my social crutch etc.

Anyways, by 30 I had a new job related to my masters. I worked hard. Got a few promotions. I travelled. I'd take a month off work and go to Thailand teaching monks. I realised I was responsible for my own life. Not some fella. I was going to make things happen for myself!

I made some lovely, lovely friends. I built my own house. I took up playing tennis and I travel to tournaments. I cycle my ebike.

I have an enjoyment and freedom from all those thoughts I had in my 20s. And I did it! I am confident. I take on challenges well. I grew emotionally. I grew up alot for being responsible for myself and my happiness.

So, take responsibility. Go to career guidance. Go to a life coach. Go to a councellor. Invest in yourself. Think laterally-"I can't/don't want to be in the medical field on the ground, but I am smart". I dunno-become a medical writer (paid well)!!!!

So many options and things to explore. Being looking at things from another angle.

Yep whilst they are at school life is good. 6 hrs plus of “free time for the mum / parent”

I have multiple children and one sen child not at school for 2 years plus and fighting the sen system it is truly hell.

Agree NT children are wonderful and lots of fun.

Depending on the needs of the sen child it can alter a LOT of things in life and I suppose no one will understand how difficult it is until you're there.

So really enjoy your life OP 🥳 you can do anything you put your mind to 🤩 don’t be trapped this is your time to fly and enjoy your life.

Ok Xmas time do update - what hobbies you done and enjoyed? Wish you the best happiness ever!

My friend, smart like you, hated the law. It wasn’t a good fit
Went into NHS graduate training and loved it. applies the skills learnt eg verbally fluent, good analytical skills, able to read and process lots of information
You’ve got so much to offer and are smart, dust yourself down and get back,out there

Kindly OP, you seem to have very limited horizons and a rather rose-tinted view of both work and family life. Both of these have fantastically rewarding and exciting moments but most of the time are pretty run of the mill. Nothing in life is 100% perfect, and in seeking perfection you may be rejecting opportunities which could broaden your horizons.

You’ve done well to get a professional qualification and this could be used in lots of different ways. You don’t have to stay in your home area if it’s remote - how about moving somewhere else? With your qualifications you could potentially get a good job. Try anything - it really doesn’t matter what, just be prepared to give it a go. Above all else, be brave and understand that you are the only person responsible for your happiness. Take that chance with both hands. Good luck

Could you work for the CAB or provide advice to charities etc

I was in a similar situation to you - qualified aged 27, absolutely hated it so jacked it in and started a new career unrelated to law. I’m so much happier now. I definitely feel like I’ve ‘wasted’ my 20s but it’s better to be at the bottom of a ladder you want to climb than near the top of one you don’t. 26 is nothing in the grand scheme of things. Good luck ♥️

Why don't you do a TEFL qualification and go abroad and teach for a year or two? This will allow you to save up some money, see the world and meet new people. Possibly a good way to have a break too as you sound absolutely exhausted! This is what I did around your age and the company I did mine with paid for everything.

Then dont do it. Just pass your exams, then do something else or it will be a waste x

Having kids ain’t all that btw, it doesn’t fulfill or define you.it just makes you a working mum with plates to spin. I think it’s a big myth we are sold being a mother is ardest job in world. It really isn’t. Dont lose yourself in pursuing being mum and don’t be a housewife, maintain your own money, get a career

Those are great goals 😄 👍

You don’t have to work as a solicitor! With your qualifications you could apply the skills to any work and make it interesting. Even the NhS has need of solicitors or at least their skills. Your life is absolutely not wasted at all! Get a huge piece of paper and write down everything you’re interested in doing, not matter how outlandish. Circus performer? What skills do you need? Can any of your skills be applied? You’d be amazed at the scope of things out there that don’t revolve around working in a solicitors office 9-5. Good luck

Amazing! I think it’s a side to law that people don’t talk about enough

I think when I’m settled into the NHS, I’ll look into the graduate management training scheme!

Taking other people’s ideas as your plans is pretty common, I’m sure I did it and could never see a ‘career path’ in my chosen vocation. Now, at 47, I’m a few months away from qualifying into a new area that I can also apply to my old job and I’m so excited to start! But it took me till 45 to find this path, so you have loads of time to try different things and make mistakes and still find a way to be happy.

Finding sociable activities is definitely the way forward to find a potential husband and father for the children you want, though, so well done for coming up with those resolutions. I met my husband through a common interest, much less faff than OLD! Good luck :-)

She wants to be a mum though. I understand may be this hadn't worked for you but might for her

If all you want is to be a mum and have a husband and dog then you should pursue that; but it is good to have a job and some money and independence; you don’t know when you will need it.

I know someone like you, only wanted to be a mum and that is what she has been; had another child in her early 40s when oldest grown up, married twice, second marriage was to someone who already had 4 kids who she also helped raise on top of the two she had from first marriage, when they all grown up and moved out she had another with her second husband,

She has a simple life which is what she wanted.

You said you always done what your family wanted for you; time to do what you want for yourself; everyone is different and have different dreams and priorities,

You sound like me @WastedMyPotential! I got my dream, married in my 20s and 3 kids (all girls just like I wanted) before I was 30 in fact I’m 42 now and my DD1 is 20 and it’s fabulous always has been. I have never found being a mum particularly difficult and for me it’s so enjoyable (my favourite job in the world!).

however I am so so glad I listened to friends and didn’t give up work and still climbed the career ladder alongside my family. I work in marketing and granted being a young-ish mum, it took my longer than some of my child free peers but I am quite senior now and earn decent money so we have a lovely (not extravagant) life a decent house in a nice area with good schools.

All of this is important because having your own career and sense of self is not only good for you but also when your kids get older you aren’t their world and although you are always a mum I have found having pride in my work and a new renewed sense of ambition has really hit as my kids have grown and I’m glad I haven't had to start at the bottom at my age.

my point is have other focuses, by all means dream of being a mum, but also find something else you love and if it’s not work, then travel, or hobbies etc. life doesn’t always work out in the order you think (or want), so keep an open mind and keep you options wide open too.

you are still so young and by all means very intelligent and capable. There will be many career paths that would love to have you (I for one have hired several Law graduates in marketing).

your life has just started and it’s very exciting for you!

My sister is a solicitor and 50. She has never had a partner or kids, both she wanted. The career just ate away at her. The photos make has to see, the statements she reads, the people she as to put away - they are the scum of society. And she works long hours. She once told me she would have liked to be a mum.

OP, you still have time in your side. All the best 💐

I’m currently looking at Airbnbs to rail trip from Montpellier along to Nice! Which feels quite exciting 😂

You sound burnt out OP. Take some time to just be. You’re really young yet and the complete opposite of a failure. You’ve demonstrated incredible capability and maturity/resilience in completing a degree your heart wasn’t in. I think that’s pretty bloody amazing tbh.
You’ve mentioned travel and helping people. Can I ask what aspects of law/solicitor you don’t like?
As for being a Mum I’m sure that will come one day. Enjoy your time to go be free meanwhile.

It might be a bit left field but I know people who have worked as match stewards because they loved being at the game.
one of them met their partner doing that - are you anywhere near a club you could do that?